Sugar and Spice Page #7

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JACK:

(nervous, looks over shoulder)

Welcome to Dinkie's Donuts.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

A hurt and angry Jack walks in, still in sailor uniform.

Diane's in bed eating and doing homework.

JACK:

Dinkie is a bad, bad man...

INT. VIDEO BARN - NIGHT

Jack stands in front of the counter, THREE SOCIAL RETARDS

(Jack's age) behind it. Jack hands them his application.

JACK:

(defeated)

Y'know what? I'll save you the time.

I'm not going to lie. I don't believe

in it. If you pick your ass - I'm going

to tell people. I have no idea how to

run your registers. And, if any of you

are hard core drinkers and like to throw

knives, well, I'm outta here right now.

TED:

Uh, are, uh, you-you're Jack Bartlett,

right?

JACK:

Yeah.

TED:

You'd be, like, hangin' out with us

every night after school, right?

JACK:

Yeah - well, after football practice.

CHRIS:

(savoring the words)

Football practice - fantasmic.

The social retards look at each other, excited.

TED:

You're hired!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SAFEWAY - CEREAL AISLE - LATE AFTERNOON

MUZAK UP. A worried Diane, now showing slightly under all

black warm-ups, is writing on her notepad as she walks down

an aisle. Suddenly, in the B.G. CROSS AISLE, an ecstatic

Jack, in "Video Barn" uniform, WHIZZES PAST, riding his cart.

Arms out at his sides.

JACK:

I'm on top of the world!

Seeing Diane, he tries to stop, but can't and continues past.

A SECOND LATER, he scrambles back and rides up to her -

tossing more boxes into the already FULL CART.

JACK (CONT'D)

(holding box of cookies)

Hey, Di, if we have a girl, we should

dress her like Little Debbie!

Jack pulls alongside Diane and kisses her. She notices the

full cart. It'll cost a fortune.

DIANE:

Jack, sweetie, I'm only eating for two.

JACK:

(positively giddy)

But Di, all this food reminds me of how

much I want to teach our baby.

He tosses more cereal in the cart. Diane looks at her

notepad, then starts to return items to the shelves WITHOUT

JACK NOTICING.

JACK (CONT'D)

Like Cocoa Puffs. Good. Captain

Crunch. Bad. Shreds the roof of your

mouth. I mean you hear, "Tricks are for

kids!" And you think, "I'm a kid, I

guess they're for me." But your baby

brain's got no idea that Fruit Loops

are, like, a million times better. I'm

going to save our kid all that pain.

DIANE:

Jack...

JACK:

(putting all three in cart)

If you could be Count Chocula,

Frankenberry or Trix the Rabbit, who'd

you be?

DIANE:

(removing the box)

Trix...

JACK:

Me too! Will it ever end?!

(yelling to the store)

I love this lady!

He kisses her as SHE SLIPS ANOTHER BOX on the shelf.

DIANE:

Jack, I think I should get a job.

JACK:

(rubbing her belly)

But we agreed your job is running the

baby machine...

DIANE:

I know, but that was before.

JACK:

Ah! I almost forgot gas for the baby

machine. I'll grab your Snickers and

get a place in line.

He kisses her again and runs off. Diane watches him - the

love in her eyes quickly turns back to worry and she starts

to put everything back on the shelves: cookies, cereal,

chips, ice cream - oh, that struggle, but it goes...

INT. SAFEWAY CHECK OUT STAND - LATER

ANGLE ON AISLE:

Diane emerges with an almost empty cart. Just milk, peanut

butter, bread and a large roast are all that remain.

JACK (O.S.)

Hey, Di!

Diane turns to see Jack, a couple aisles over, holding out a

LITTLE KID WITH GLASSES.

JACK (CONT'D)

(in a funny voice)

Hello, I'm the little professor.

Wouldn't it be cute if ours looked like

this?!

A WOMAN RUSHES over and ANGRILY grabs her kid back from Jack,

punches him and storms off. Diane rushes in line, ditching

the roast in a gum rack beside the check-out.

As she struggles with it, she notices a WOMAN at the LINCOLN

SAVINGS AND LOANS BRANCH (inside the Safeway at the end of

the check-out aisles) putting out a HELP WANTED sign.

INT. JACK'S MUSTANGE - MOMENTS LATER

Jack drives as Diane devours a king size Snickers bar.

JACK:

I never knew you dreamed of working in a

grocery store bank branch. Baby, we are

living the great American Dream!

DIANE:

(mouth full of Snickers)

Mmm-hmmm...

Unseen by Jack, Diane slips her hand out the partially open

window, releasing a PAGE from her NOTEPAD.

On the BLOWING LIST as the Mustang drives on:

DIANE (O.S.) (CONT'D)

(mouth full)

If you reach for the stars, you're bound

to get -- mm-Jack, pull over.

JACK (O.S.)

Huh? Oh Jesus...

EXT. JACK'S MUSTANG (SWERVES TO STOP) - SUNSET

He pulls over.

JACK (O.S.)

Why do they call it morning sickness?

In the UNFOCUSED B.G., Diane opens her door and crawls out,

about to toss her cookies. In the F.G., the LIST settles on

the road:
FROM THE BEAUTIFUL MIND OF DIANE is a pre-printed

on the top. Diane wrote "Monthly Income" column which totals

"$525." Her "Monthly Bills" column totals "$845." "ONE

MONTH LEFT" is scribbled at the bottom.

MUSIC UP:

MONTAGE BEGINS:

INT. SAFEWAY - SEAFOOD DEPARTMENT/BANK BRANCH - DAY

CLOSE ON A FISH:

In the seafood case. The BUTCHER's hand comes in, takes it

out, and flops it on the scale.

ANGLE ON:

Oscillating fan behind him. Follow the smell as it drifts

from the counter over to Diane, working in the Bank Branch.

She sniffs, sniffs again, then suddenly gags and goes down

behind the counter.

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