Super Troopers 2 Page #11

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Oh!

Ow.

(WHIMPERING)

- (GRUNTING)

- (CHEERING)

Gotta love that 48th bullet.

(SPEAKS FRENCH)

Drop it! Drop your weapon!

ARCHAMBAULT:
Come on,

get up from the dirt.

(SCREAMING)

I'm about to get neutered!

Hang on!

Get this outta here!

(WHIMPERING)

Get me off this!

I don't think so.

Okay. Now you've lit the fuse

of the Halifax Explosion.

Yeah. In my day...

when your big boy teeth

came in,

your hockey coach

would pull them out...

so you wouldn't

miss a shift.

Yeah? In my country,

we let the Tooth Fairy

deal with that sh*t.

You would know all about

fairies, wouldn't you?

Okay. Let's do this,

moosefucker.

Yeah, you want to do it?

- You wanna go?

- Yeah. Let's go.

- Yeah. You wanna go? You wanna go?

- Yeah. I wanna go.

(GRUNTS) Ooh, clip-on.

Little tacky, eh?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Yeah!

That's one former

hockey player

who can shut the puck up!

Right, guys?

(RABBIT WHIMPERING)

Sh*t, that was a good line.

- (RABBIT SCREAMING)

- (BULLETS RICOCHETING)

O'HAGAN:
Come on, damn it!

Oh, my God!

(PANICKED SHOUTING)

(ALL YELLING)

(RABBIT SCREAMING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING AND CHEERING)

MAC:
That's great!

That's great!

(IN CANADIAN ACCENT) What the

hell is wrong with you guys?

It's like none of you Yanks

ever operated

an industrial grade

rotary timber saw, eh?

Hey! What about your accent?

Andrea Spooner,

Ontario Provincial Police.

- What?

- Shut up!

What?

- (RABBIT SCREAMING)

- (ALL EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

GENEVIEVE:
Why is the Vermont

Highway Patrol even here?

I've been undercover

three years.

Part of a task force...

with the

Organized Crime Unit

of the Ontario

Provincial Police.

She's down with OPP.

You a**holes just blew

three years of work for me.

I was this close

to getting their supplier.

Now I'll never get them.

Well, I'm happy to offer you

full cooperation of our...

Shut the f*** up!

Hm.

- Wow.

- Wow.

GUY:
Hey, guys,

do me a solid, eh?

When you're sweeping up

back there,

keep an eye out

for my falsies.

Nah. You're not

going to need teeth

where you're going, eh.

You were our hero, Guy.

An hockey player

who owned a whorehouse.

Yeah, and to think

you spent 11 years

in the Canadian system.

Newsy Lalonde would be rolling

in his grave right now.

You would have fit

in good in Calgary, eh.

Talk about a bunch of goon.

PODEIN:
Especially

that defenseman Bonchance.

That guy is the worst.

What a mucker, that guy, eh?

No, he end up in the QSPHL

by the time he's 38.

Boring!

(GROANING)

Easy! Easy!

Ah! Oh!

There he is!

They wrapped you

in the Japanese flag.

(CONTINUES GROANING)

Hey, man,

thanks for saving my life.

I don't know what I would

have done without you.

Oh, that's okay,

I don't need a hug. (GROANS)

It's not for you.

Okay.

RABBIT:
(GROANING)

Careful, careful, careful!

Dude, are you lactating?

I'm just doing what my body

tells me to do, okay?

(CHUCKLES) Okay, Thorn.

You're the tits!

Good luck with

the wet T-shirt contest.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Men.

How are ya feelin'?

Oh, it's okay.

I'm so sorry about saying

"I hate you" back there.

Yeah. I know.

I'm sorry I lied.

I just can't believe

I didn't know.

Well, you were very sweet,

but also very gullible.

Maybe you and I

could get together

and listen to some

old-timey French music...

when that gets

all healed up.

Yeah, sure.

F***in' Canadian.

(CHUCKLES)

- Give me 50 cc's of morphine, shaving cream and a razor.

- A razor for what?

To remove the hair

from your testicles.

I have to stitch you up.

RABBIT:
(STAMMERS) Why would

you need to stitch me up?

It's like a paper cut.

All we need to do is get

a little Band-Aid. Hey, guys!

Happy trails!

Looks like the rook's getting

his nuts shaved after all.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(RABBIT SCREAMING)

- Who wants coffee?

- Sounds good.

(HORN HONKS)

Captain O'Hagan!

I hear you and your men

did some good work.

We did.

We caught the smugglers.

Again.

(YELLS)

- (SCREAMING)

- (SQUELCHING)

What the hell was that?

FARVA:

Oh, sh*t.

(LAUGHING)

Done and done.

(GROANING)

This little piggy cried,

"God damn! That hurt!"

(LAUGHS)

What the hell happened to you?

Ah. I just lost a p*ssy bet.

If I "toed" ya,

I'd have to kill ya.

(LAUGHS) Oh!

Watch the hoof! Ow!

Watch the hoof!

- (STUN GUN CRACKLING)

- (FARVA SCREAMING)

Officers! Cassandra Anne

Gacek, Action Five News.

Given your involvement

with this bust

how does it feel to know

that you are still

being replaced?

Uh, you know, when they first

arrive I am wondering:

"Who are these people

they come here

taked our land?"

But then I have it,

my answer, huh.

They are heroes.

CROWD:
Aw!

These men... they putted their

life on the line for us.

One of them,

he even saved my life.

This tan guy here

with the wet tits.

(CROWD LAUGHS)

- But we hate Americans!

- I hear you. I hear you.

But I have to tell you...

if these gentlemen

are an example

of what it means

to be American...

I'm okay.

Then I am proud to be

an American too.

- All right.

- I am. I'm proud to be American.

So, we're leaving

to start our station up north.

But I say

with great confidence

that we couldn't leave you

in better hands

than in those

of the Vermont Highway Patrol.

(ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

How does it feel to be the coolest

motherf***er on this planet?

You tell me, buddy.

You tell me.

- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

- CROWD:
Aw.

JESSMAN:

Uh, yeah. Excuse me.

Hold on.

Actually,

I'm here to tell you

that the U.S.

and Canadian governments

have decided to postpone

the turnover

until the rest of the

hidden contraband is found.

- (CROWD GASPS)

- CASSANDRA:
So, wait.

Are we Canadians

or are we Americans?

You're still Canadians

for now.

And that's going

to continue indefinitely.

(IN CANADIAN ACCENT)

Sorry.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Okay, so we are now in control

of this area again, eh?

No, no.

We both have authority.

You got the authority

to go take

a flying f***

at a rolling doughnut.

Hey, we just saved your lives,

you remember that?

BELLEFUILLE:

We have an expression here.

It go, "What have you done

for me lately?"

Yeah, maybe

we'll haul your ass

back out to the woods naked.

Or maybe we could burn down

your White House again! Eh?

What the hell does that mean?

The War of 1812, eh.

Learn your history.

- (GRUNTS)

- (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Oh! You punched the mustache

right off his face!

No, no, no! Look,

he's wearing a postiche, eh!

(ALL LAUGHING)

You shut up about his

postiche, come on!

(ALL GRUNTING)

Well, she was,

she was, she was

She was blinded

by the light

Revved up like a deuce

Another runner

in the night

Blinded by the light

Revved up like a deuce

Another runner

in the night

Blinded by the light

Revved up like a...

(MUSIC STOPS)

- (CAT MEOWS)

- What do you got?

Cat in a tree.

- (CAT MEOWS)

- THORNY:
Ah, yeah.

Hey, Fred Savage.

- How's it going?

- Macintyre Womack.

Oh, pleasure to meet you,

Officer.

Carl Foster.

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