Super Troopers 2 Page #7

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a bear a hug

Go! Go! Go!

Get out of here. F***.

(ALL CHEERING)

Holy sh*t,

I "bear-ly" made it.

(ALL LAUGHING)

That could've been "grizzly".

- (ALL CHUCKLES)

- Yeah.

I think someone took

a "growler" in here.

- Shoot him.

- (C*CKS GUN)

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER IN CAR)

- MAC:
F***in' Mounties!

Son of a b*tch!

Those guys have been a**holes

since the moment we arrived

and now they are

trying to kill us.

This goes a lot farther

than just being angry

about losing their jobs.

Cap, we've been

pelted by hockey pucks,

had d*cks tugged

in front of our faces

and gotten our asses kicked

by prostitutes of both sexes.

I think it's time we had

our own fun. Who's with me?

- (ALL CHEERS)

- Yeah! Let's go!

Dude, you f***in' stink.

Sorry.

Guys! Guys! Anyone?

The shaving cream

is starting to burn.

Did you use menthol?!

FEMALE NARRATOR:
Hair loss,

queefing and bitchiness.

Flova Scotia, eh?

F***in' rights.

It's the same guy, bud.

No, no, no. It's

a different guy, that guy, eh.

Yeah, no!

That's Danny DeVito!

(GRUNTS) Danny DeVito

is the actor from Taxi,

but that guy I like,

he come out on Always

Sunny in Philadelphia's.

Bud, they're the same guy.

How many 145-centimeter actors

do you think there are?

They're both Danny DeVito!

(INDISTINCT MUMBLING)

No, Danny DeVito

Taxi long time ago.

But this producer

from Always Sunnys,

they like him so much,

(POPS LIPS)

they put him it

into the show, eh.

That doesn't mean they

can't be the same guy, bud.

That's one guy.

It's a different era.

He can do two shows

in f***ing 30 years.

How many times

do we have to go over this?

It's the same f***ing guy!

- (OBJECT CLATTERING)

- (MUMBLING)

He is right, you know.

It is the same guy.

Danny DeVito was in Taxis

but he is also in It's Always

Sunny in Philadelphia's.

I know. I make joke on him.

He think I don't know

but I know, eh.

(CHUCKLES)

You know who is my favorite,

uh, superhero villain?

Is the Penguin

from Batman film, eh.

That's f***in'

Danny DeVito, bud.

Get a f***ing clue!

That's Danny DeVito

you just said!

Can you believe

this f***in' guy doesn't know

who Danny DeVito is?

Who you mean? The singer?

No, the f***in' actor!

Danny DeVito.

The guy who's married

to Rhea Perlman!

Oh, I like him in Hellboy.

That's Ron Perlman!

Doesn't matter. Archambault!

Hockey is back on!

What the f*** is wrong

with you guys?

Both of you. You're fucki''

from another planet.

I can't believe we live

in the same country.

- (PHONE RINGING)

- Oh, the f***ing phone

is ringing during

hockey night in Canada!

Who is calling during

hockey night in Canada?!

Who the f*** even has

a hard line anymore?

Archambault, rip the f***in'

phone out of the wall!

What's next?

You're gonna have someone

deliver a pizza during

the f***in' overtime?!

(YELLS)

- (HISSING)

- What the f***?

(PODEIN COUGHS)

You know,

the other guy I like,

is the one

giving Billy Crystal

the problem in

Throw Momma and the Trains.

Holy merde.

(YELLS)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GROWLING)

(LAUGHTER)

(GRUNTING)

THORNY:

Get him!

(CRACKLING)

(GROANING)

(CHEERING)

Great fight, guys!

Pennyworth ADH4

SureShot Cattle Prod.

Every station needs one.

(ALL CHEERING)

I can't breathe.

- (MUFFLED GRUNTS AND SHOUTS)

- (CATTLE PROD CRACKLING)

(MOUNTIES GROANING)

We know it's you guys.

We can see your mustaches.

Come on, you can't

leave us out here.

We are at least

100 kilomtres in the woods!

ARCHAMBAULT:

Maybe more, huh?

(ALL PANTING)

BELLEFUILLE:
Ah, tabernacle.

Here come the mosquito.

(ALL CHEERING)

We got 24 hours

to desecrate the good names

of these dickfucks.

- (ALL CHEERING)

- Let's do it!

(ALL CHEERING AND WHOOPING)

(COUNTS IN FRENCH)

Let's do it.

License and registration, eh!

Here you go.

FARVA:
(ON RADIO)

Captain, come in, Captain.

- Officer.

- FARVA:
Captain, come in.

MAN:

Officer, here you go.

FARVA:
Are you hearing

anything, Captain?

You think maybe

your buddy is getting

a little old for this?

I mean, a deaf cop?

Who said that, eh?

Ooh. You, sir,

have the nose of a king.

Hold tight, I'm gonna

get my ticket book.

(FOSTER GROANS)

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

Ya! Hey there.

- License and registration.

- All right.

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Let's go!

License and registration, eh!

(SNICKERING)

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

What's so funny...

...Mr. Matt Tomon?

You think it's funny that

I lost my balls

in a tractor pull?

Wait, you both

got your nuts ripped off

in a tractor pull?

I lost mine in the spokes

of my bicycle.

You know how fast

that will stop a bicycle?

MAN:

Hey, Officer!

- Hey, you're on my wagon.

- What?

Come on! Wake up! Wake up!

FARVA:

License and registration, hey?

'Scuse me one second, eh.

- You b*tch!

- (GRUNTS)

- Get back here, you!

- FARVA:
Ow! Ow!

- Hey, there.

- Hi.

License and registration.

Aren't you the two

that pulled me over before?

Beg your pardon?

How are you Mounties now?

Or should I say Meow-nties?

- (CHUCKLES)

- Say what now?

Few years ago,

you pulled me over

and you played some game

where you said "meow."

Buddy, I've said

a thousand stupid things

to people over the years.

You asked if I saw you

jumping around

all nimbly-bimbly

from tree to tree?

(CHUCKLES) I can assure you

I've never said the words

"nimbly-bimbly"

in my life.

- You f***er!

- Oh, you b*tch!

(FARVA GROANING)

Where's the gosh darn cruiser?

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Dude, your partner

is about to get mucked!

Where you going, mister?

Freeze!

- (HORN BLARES)

- (TYRES SCREECH)

Ow. Ow!

(SIGHS)

- (HONKS HORN)

- (SCREAMS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Bro!

Hang on. Do you really

not remember this guy

or you just f***in' with him?

(WHISPERS) Yeah,

I have no idea who he is.

You know I heard

everything you said.

Son of a b*tch. We've been

doing that for years.

Forget it. Am I getting

a ticket here, or...

You know what? I want

to get my head around this

'cause now

it's driving me crazy.

Let's do this. We'll switch.

You'll be me, I'll be you

and then

you'll do the routine.

What? All right.

Ah, you'll kill it,

you'll kill it.

(GRUNTS)

License and registration meow.

Come on, meow.

- Hey! Now I remember it!

- (BOTH LAUGHING)

- I remember it now.

- You remember that.

In the meanwhile, never give

your car keys to a stranger.

Why is that?

FOSTER:
(GIGGLES)

See you, sucker!

MAC:
I knew it was you

the whole time, a**hole!

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

What the hell's going on here? Huh?

Looks like someone's smoking

the reefer joints.

No, that's not marijuana.

We'll see about that.

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

Farva, that's not a good idea!

(SCREAMING)

What's the...

(SIREN WAILING)

Okay, this is happening.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Sorry.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

We're from America.

We don't speak French.

Oh.

(HORSE NEIGHING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Do neither of you

speak English?

- (IN FRENCH ACCENT) I do.

- Oh.

Em... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Your papers.

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