Superbad Page #7

hasn't realized it yet...

...because she's still talking to you

and flirting With you.

Are you out of your mind?

Look at Jules' dating record, okay?

She dated Dan Remick, Who's had

a six-pack since, like, kindergarten.

Jason Stone, Who looks like

f***ing Zack Morris. And Matt Muir.

Matt Muir.

He's the sWeetest guy ever.

Have you ever stared into his eyes?

It Was like the first time

I heard the Beatles.

Why Would she end

her high school career With me?

Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz

for like tWo years.

Yeah, but he's a f***ing idiot.

You're a step up from that dick-load.

That's Why you need to stop--

Will you get this?

That's Why you need to stop

being a p*ssy and nail her.

You could bang her

before you leave.

And I'm not gonna dance around it,

she looks like a good f***er.

I'm tired of you talking

about her like that, man.

What, you can talk about her all day

and if I say one thing, it's blasphemy?

Well, I don't constantly insult her.

I'm not trying to insult her.

I'm just saying that

she looks like a good f***er, okay?

She looks like she can take a dick.

Some Women pride themselves

on their dick-taking abilities.

Dick-taking abilities? You think

that's good to say about someone?

The f***ed-up thing is,

I actually do, okay?

If a Woman tried to compliment me on

my dick-giving abilities, I'd be psyched.

Hey, yo, Seth.

What?

Did you hear I'm having

a big grad party next Saturday?

- No.

- Yeah.

- Oh, sh*t!

- You're not coming.

Tell your f***ing f*ggot friend

he can't come either.

So Jesse Wanted me to tell you...

...you're a f***ing f*ggot

and can't come to his party.

You really bitched out

back there, man.

I bitched out?

You bitched out, man,

you f***ing Judas.

You f***ing left me hanging.

Did you Want me to dive

in front of his spit?

Come on, guys, let's go!

This is bullshit.

P*ssy.

If I equals the square root

of negative one...

...then I squared equals

negative one. Okay?

In other Words,

if you consider I as a constant...

...you can then define the square roots

of all the negative numbers.

So I is an imaginary number.

It doesn't really exist.

If I equals the square root

of negative one...

...then I squared equals

negative one.

Is this making s--? Okay.

- Okay, bye.

- Evan!

- Evan, hey.

- Hey, Becca.

- Hey, thank you for your pen.

- Hey.

No problem. No, no, don't Worry.

No Worries. You keep it.

You Won't have to borroW one again

because you'll have that one.

- Thank you so much, that's... .

- You're Welcome. Don't Worry about it.

So I Was gonna ask you...

...did you hear about

Jesse's grad party next Weekend?

- It should be fun.

- I heard. L-- It's a maybe.

- Really?

- For me at the moment.

- My R.S.V.P.

- Just a maybe?

So far.

There's so much other fun sh*t

that's gonna be happening...

...that I can't really commit and,

you knoW, hurt someone's feelings.

Fun sh*t? But I never see you

at parties or anything.

That's because of

all the other fun sh*t I'm off doing.

I'd love to be at all of them, but... .

Why Weren't you

at Dimitri's on Saturday?

There Was so many things

going on.

I couldn't find a minute

to make an appearance.

- What did you do?

- Saturday Was a crazy night for me.

I had some friends over,

we had a few drinks.

That's Vag-tastic!

I hung out in my basement,

the chill zone, where we chill-lax.

Like "relax" and "chill"

all at once.

Seth's parents

Were throWing a party.

We got to hang around adults,

which was a nice change of pace.

You converse, you talk to people

and they have interesting stories.

I talked to a man who claimed he had

climbed five mountains in his life.

Then We Went to a nightclub, Which

Was incredible. This big, fancy one.

- Gonna look at tits right noW!

- I'm feeling crazy. I said that.

- You got in?

- We got right in.

- Wanna do this, 'roid monkey?

- F*** you!

Then we called it a night.

We were all just really exhausted.

What the f***?!

You Would've loved it. It Was

an incredible, unbelievable night.

That sounds like a lot of fun.

You knoW, I'd love to go

do something like that sometime.

Who Wouldn't? I mean, it Was like...

...me and Seth are

alWays kind of cooking up these...

...fun, sort of,

little, you knoW, events.

I guess you guys are really

gonna go crazy next year together.

We Were going to,

but We got into different schools.

Really? That sucks.

Yeah, I mean, it's not too bad.

I mean, it should be okay.

Not too Worried about it, really.

Don't Worry about it.

I'm not Worried at all.

- All right, Well, thank you for the pen.

- Yeah. No problem.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Bye, Evan.

Mrs. HayWorth, I joined this class

because I'd be cooking With a partner.

But she's never here, and I don't get

tWice the grades for doing all the Work.

I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth.

I knoW, but look at Evan, okay?

Just look at him.

Don't keep me Waiting much longer.

I'm getting impatient up here.

You knoW What I'm talking about.

Miroki, you're embarrassing me.

I'm here in my unit, isolated and alone,

eating my terrible-tasting food...

...and I gotta look over at that.

Looks like the most fun

I've ever seen in my life.

And it's B.S. Excuse my language.

I'm just saying that I Wash and dry.

I'm like a single mother.

We all knoW Home Ec is a joke,

no offense.

Everyone takes this class to get an A.

It's bullshit, and I'm sorry.

I'm not putting doWn your profession,

but it's just the Way I feel.

I don't Wanna sit here alone

cooking this shitty food.

No offense. And I just think

that I don't ever need to cook tiramisu.

When am I gonna need

to cook tiramisu?

Am I gonna be a chef? No.

There's three Weeks left in school.

Give me a f***ing break.

I'm sorry for cursing.

All right, Jules' partner isn't here

today either.

Pair up With her. Station four.

Jules?

All right. I'll give it another shot.

I'll give Home Ec another shot.

Hey, Jules.

Your partner didn't come today?

- That's kind of a personal question.

- What?

Nothing. It's my attempt at humor.

I Was just--

Oh, like coming.

Like "coming" coming.

WoW, that Was a little too far

right there. The gesture.

Yeah. It's pretty far.

Sh*t, I do that--

No, don't Worry.

I'm actually used to it.

My older brother says, like,

the nastiest sh*t.

Like he called me "hymen"

until I Was 12.

- That's sick. That's not even clever.

- I knoW.

I knoW.

I Would've gone With something

at least mildly entertaining.

You knoW, like-- Like--

Like "family Jules."

Or like "nuts." Yeah, that's funny.

That's a f***ing funny joke.

F***ing funny.

- I can't believe that.

- So, all right. We gotta...

...mix it up.

Yeah, HayWorth Will notice this,

if We cover it With chocolate.

- The Whole thing?

- Just dump it on. I'm serious.

Okay.

- And noW it looks professional.

- That's really impressive.

- It's beautifully done.

- I think We're gonna get an A.

So, What are you doing tonight?

- Probably nothing. Why?

- I don't knoW.

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