Supernatural Activity Page #5

be easier.

Well, there is one way to expedite

the communication process.

Out in my car, right now,

I have a Ouija board.

- NO! NO WAY MAN.

- No Ouija.

- No. No way.

- Hell no.

It's not going to happen.

It's not there.

The feeling isn't. It's not

there.

Always offer the Ouija.

They never go for the Ouija.

Guys, relax. Okay.

Relax.

I'm sorry. It was a bad idea.

I'm not going to bring the

Ouija board inside.

Yeah. You've got to get rid

of that bull spit.

- That's the devil's keyboard.

- No. I know.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

You know what?

In fact, I'm going to go out in my car

right now. I'm just going to burn it.

No! No!

No sir, Bob.

- That's not happening.

- Oh my gosh.

I can put a candle to it.

Always offer to burn the Ouija.

They never go for burning the

Ouija.

Okay.

Night two.

I'm going to be crashing here

with Mitzi and Dewey.

Let's see what happens.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh god.

Oh sh*t yeah.

These are pretty.

Worth some money.

- Damnit Dewey!

- Mitzi! You okay?

You left the toilet seat

up again!

Freaking idiot. My ass is

all wet.

GOD.

What are you doing?

I don't know.

Just getting... Pepper...

coverage.

Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa.

Blair, are you seeing this?

This is fake, right?

Please tell me this is fake.

Some magic's real.

Did you just have a thing?

Did you just have a psychic

thing? What did it say?

What did it say?

We're all going to die.

No!

Oh my god. Did you see Blair's

outfit?

Tacky much?

I mean, seriously, she looks

like a Christmas tree.

I know. I just want to like throw

a bunch of gifts at her feet.

I mean, maybe we could take

a star, and put it on her head.

Oh, that would be perfect.

Like some ornaments too,

all around her.

I mean, Blair dear, honestly...

I hope you've been a really

good girl.

Because Santa needs to bring you

a whole new wardrobe.

Oh my god.

- You are so awful.

- Yeah.

AWFULLY delicious!

Tasty.

Coconut.

What does that mean?

It means he'll eat anything.

- WHOA! WHOA!

- Whoa. Whoa.

- Is that the Smallsquatch?

- No. It's Danny.

Put the gun down.

Hey. What's up?

Hello. Hello?

Blair, can you hold on a second?

I can't hear you.

You're just going to whip a

shotgun on us?

Guns are supposed to kill

things. It's what I do.

I'm a cold blooded killer.

You really think the Smallsquatch is

going to call her up on her iPhone?

Yeah. Basically he can call anyone,

anywhere, on the 4G network.

Oh please, man. The Smallsquatch

wouldn't do that.

He'd pick up a GoPhone. Those

things are untraceable.

You use em, you throw em away.

Like the wire.

What about now?

Can you hear me?

Yeah. Much better. What's

going on?

I wanted to see how you're

doing.

Oh my GOD it's amazing.

We found rock formations

yesterday.

And just now, we found stick men

hanging from the trees.

Wow.

Wow. That's crazy.

I know. I think we're really close

to nailing the little bastard.

What about you? Are you having

any luck?

Yeah. Well...

Yeah. You know.

It's alright.

- Hey Blair.

- What?

Listen.

I'm sorry.

Sorry about what?

Damon, come quick! Oh my god.

There's some writing in the

powder.

On the floor.

Blair, I've got to call you

back.

Yeah.

I love you.

Babe... Babe.

Babe!

What is this? Latin?

Dewey...

It is Latin.

For, "She is way out of your

league."

Get out.

You know Latin?

It's English, Dewey.

It is.

It's just not very good English.

It says, "seance."

Oh. That's it.

Demons have roughly the IQ that

of about a 3rd grader.

Why is that?

Well... Demons work three jobs:

Steal, kill, destroy.

I mean, where does a classroom

fit into that?

You know?

It just goes to show you,

there is never enough time.

Even for eternal beings.

Right Brock?

I have 3.2% body fat.

Alright.

Remember.

He's a deceiver.

So he'll do whatever it takes

to stay in my body.

So when he shows himself, I need

you to drag him back to hell.

Alright?

Is everybody ready?

SMALLSQUATCH!

WE COME TO HEAR YOUR MESSAGE!

Speak now.

Or forever HOLD YOUR PEACE.

I think I'm the only guy in

the world

that prefers an off kiltered

table.

I'm Spartacus.

No!

I am Spartacus.

NO!

I am Spartacus.

I see gold digger demon's

already been here, sonny.

Smallsquatch!

It's time for you to bounce,

bro.

NO! NO!

No!

Mr. Funny Pants.

Funny Pants, are you?

Why are you here?

Yeah. What do you want?

How about a biscuit?

What?

A BISCUIT!

Alright, dude.

What do you want on your

biscuit?

The works.

What's that?

Like butter?

Oh yeah.

Jelly?

Grape, please. Grape.

Good choice. Good choice.

What about gravy?

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

I could eat the sh*t out of some

biscuits and gravy right now.

Me too, dude.

Can't hold on much longer...

No...

GET OUT OF THERE, SONNY.

AIN'T NOBODY COMING OUT OF

THERE BUT ME, SIR.

ENOUGH!

That's it.

Smallsquatch I command you to

go back to the pits of hell

in the name of Jesus Christ,

lord and savior

of all that's pure and holy.

Leave him, Jesus!

NO!

Okay.

Remember.

He's a deceiver.

He'll do whatever it takes to

take over my body.

That's why he's doing this.

So when he shows himself, I need

you to send him back to hell.

Alright?

Is everybody ready?

You literally just said that.

Mission accomplished.

Infrared.

Didn't even get to use it.

And what's the game plan now?

Well, we wait for Blair to

show up.

She should be back in the

morning.

Do you know where they're at?

No, I mean...

Not exactly, but Pepper does.

You know.

And you know, the thing with

him is,

he doesn't seem very bright.

But he's pretty street smart.

And you know, street smarts

come in handy when you're...

...in the middle of the woods.

So where are we?

About eight miles south west

of base camp.

Latitude 27 degrees 54 minutes

Longitude -97 degrees 33 minutes

You can seriously tell that

from that needle?

Oh no.

GPS.

Let's motivate.

Hey...

Hey baby.

Hey.

What's going on?

I miss you.

We're almost done.

Yeah. I know, I know. I just...

I wish I could be out there

with you right now.

You are out here with me.

I am?

Yeah.

I'm lying in your arms,

pressed up against you.

Can you feel me?

I think I can.

I'm brushing your ridiculous

emo hair from your eyes.

I put a hand on your inner

thigh.

Oh!

I work my way up towards your

sweet and sour.

I reach down... And I

grab your denim bulge.

I like that.

I rub your taco like a rabbit's

foot.

Like a genie lamp, baby.

My fingers... they dance...

..along your garden snake.

You mean my South American

bushmaster.

You get bigger... and bigger...

and bigger...

I sprout like a bean stalk.

Jack's bean stalk, baby!

I bite your neck.

Ow. Not so hard.

I bite harder.

Wait. Are we doing this thing

rough tonight?

What'd I tell you about

asking questions?

My bad. My bad, my bad.

I bury your head in a pillow.

Yeah. Bury me, baby.

- Your ass is like a pound cake.

- Yeah.

It hurts so good.

I can't control the muscles

in my face.

They contort...

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