Supernatural Activity Page #7

servant Jobe?"

"A perfect and upright man."

"One that feareth God and

askeweth evil."

The Lord said to Jobe,

"I will strike down with

furious vengeance"

"and furious anger"

"and furious fury"

"upon thy demons,"

"on teenage demons,"

"on mutant demons,"

"on teenage mutant ninja

demons!"

What?

Jobe? Seriously?

You're trying to cast me out

with the Book of Jobe?

Yes. What's wrong with that?

That guy was a weak sauce.

Oh come on. He was not weak

sauce.

Okay? He was a nice guy.

He was a nice guy!

Okay? The devil put him through

the ringer.

Don't put that on us.

We had permission on that one.

Oh right. Permission.

Permission.

Permit this!

Yeah!

Now that's what I'm talking

about.

God, that's not funny.

I just did my makeup.

I thought you said it was

holy water.

Got it on Craigslist.

You know how that goes.

Oh, you're the worst!

The power of Sprite compels you.

The power of Sprite compels you!

Obey your thirst, demon.

OBEY YOUR THIRST!

Oww. My back.

Mr. Sunflower, no.

Girl, you are tight.

I think you're okay.

Mr. Dealer, the cross!

That's right.

Corner three, corner three.

The trade. Down here.

No no. Pass it good news.

Pass it good news.

Three, two, one.

PASS THE FREAKING CROSS.

It's hot!

That's it.

Give it to her, brother.

Mr. Dealer, no sir.

No sir.

We're talking about my little

girl here.

- No?

- No sir.

Yeah right.

Softer.

Okay. Alright.

Here.

Softer.

Softer.

Okay. Now swing away.

Mr. Dealer, swing away.

NO!

Hook. Give her the hook.

See that?

That's right.

Yeah.

Yeah!

Banana noogie. Smells fruity

in here.

It smells fruity in here, demon.

No!

Yes.

Never!

EAT IT.

This is... bananas!

Nothing like this has ever

happened before.

Keep going. Keep going. This is

awesome.

You b*tch!

I command you to leave this girl

in the name of God.

Blair, Blair, quite contrare.

I command you to leave

this girl's body.

In God's name.

Too bad she wants to live.

But then again, who doesn't?

I command you to leave this

girl's body.

In the name of Jesus Christ.

Is she going to be alright?

Emily? She's fine.

She's going to be fine.

You're going to be alright,

baby.

Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus!

Hallelujah.

You've been delivered from evil.

Let's get you home, baby.

Brock.

We have to go get Blair.

Hell no, man.

Did you see this sh*t?

You're on your own.

There's some crazy people

out in the woods.

Good luck with that.

Suit yourself. TUCK!

What?!

Wait wait. Hold on.

I sense an evil presence.

Oh god.

Oh my god.

We're going to disappear!

Here. Give me the camera.

I'm going to use the light

to lead us back.

You know... that people

who disappear...

...suffer the worst deaths.

Not everyone who disappears

dies.

Yes they do.

Their limbs get severed.

And their kneecaps get smashed

in.

And their bowels get ripped out.

And their larynxes get crushed.

The larynx.

I'm very fond of my larynx.

Yeah. I noticed!

Just relax. Okay?

No one is going to crush your

larynx or smash your kneecaps.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!

Yes. Actually I do.

I'm psychic. Remember?

Okay. Sure.

So... Then what's

going to happen?

The same thing that happens to

everybody.

We're going to find our way.

We're going to go some place

beautiful.

Like a beach.

I can... a nudey beach?

Yeah.

You know, it'll have loose guys and...

clear waters and...

white sand...

- And big old boobies?

- Yeah.

Palm trees... dangling wangs.

Little huts...

...just nonchalantly swinging

from side to side.

There will be eagles...

...and hammocks.

I can hear the waves and the

birds.

Can you?

Doug?

DOUG?

DOUG?!

DOUG!

BLAIR!

That's it. I've got a minute

left on my last tape.

I'm calling it. We're done.

Blair!

We're done here. We're never

going to find her out here.

Yes we are.

Look. It's like finding a needle

in a hay stack.

And I don't want to get lost.

Dude, for the last time,

we are not lost.

No no no.

You don't understand. I said

I don't want to GET lost.

Dude, how could we possibly

get lost?

We're animals, alright? We're in

the woods.

Alright? This is...

This is our backyard.

I play around in this place

all the time.

Oh my GOD, you got us LOST.

DOUG!

DOUG!

No! No! No!

Not the kneecaps. No!

Not the kneecaps.

Blair!

Doug!

You b*tch! You lied to me.

No. I had no idea.

- You are the WORST psychic EVER.

- What?

You're awful!

Hey!

I honestly cannot think of a

worse possible psychic than you.

You might still make it out

alive.

No! He's killing me!

He's definitely killing me!

- Where are you?

- I don't know.

OH NO. NO!

Not the larynx.

Not the larynx. NO!

Chop off my cock!

Take my cock!

Leave me... not the larynx. NO!

NO!

We are not lost. Okay?

This is America, my friend.

America.

Unbelievable, man.

My ancestors paid cash

money for this land. Okay?

$24 Manhattan. Look it up.

Unbelievable.

You know what? You don't get it.

Alright?

George Washington,

Abraham Lincoln,

Thomas Jefferson, Winston

Churchill, Sarah Palin.

This land is your land, bro.

This land is my land.

Ben Franklin flew a kite so

you could be here.

Of the icy...

You're impossible to believe,

Damon!

Beyond belief.

Oh my god. Would you stop with

the belief stuff?

"Unbelievable. Beyond belief."

Blah blah blah. "Believe,

believe, believe."

It's like you're trying to

tell me something.

Believe?

Believe.

Nice.

Shh. Shut up.

Believe.

Believe.

Believe.

Believe.

Oh yeah? Are you going to try

that gypsy stuff on me?

You're delusional!

And the Tuck Thomas cinematic

voyage

is going to sail away without

you and

your soon to be canceled joke

of a television show.

What's that light?

My god.

What is that?

Brock?

Rise, little ye of big faith.

Rise. The Smallsquatch lives.

Rise!

It doesn't make any sense.

Mitzi?

Rise ye, great demon yeti.

Well yeah, actually, I can

totally see that one.

Rise.

Oh my god.

He is such a tool.

The editor?!

This is just getting ridiculous.

Rise, Smallsquatch.

Rise!

RISE!

Oh my god.

DAMON!

Damon!

Believe. Believe. Believe.

Damon!

Believe.

I've got you now.

Blair!

Blair.

Blair, are you okay?

Blair.

Well well well.

Lookie what we have here.

If it isn't Damon Dealer.

I think you just accidentally

hit me, bro.

That's the way the cookie

crumbles.

It's time for a change,

Danny boy.

I'm the man now.

That one kind of felt like you

did it on purpose.

Of course it was.

And now I'm going to kill you.

Kill me?

Too many cooks spoil the soup,

bro.

What are you talking about?

It's just water over the bridge.

Dude, you just misquoted the

sh*t out of that right now...

I guess the price is wrong.

B*tch.

Billy Madison...

Try Happy Gilmore.

Oh yeah.

No. Yeah. You're right.

You got me. Happy Gilmore.

Definitely Happy Gilmore.

Why are you doing this, bro?

What choice did I have?

You wouldn't let me run

the show.

- Damon!

- Get off me.

They're over here!

You were going to tell the

whole world it was fake.

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