Swearnet: The Movie Page #11

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You're a f***in' p*ssy!

But it doesn't matter

now anyways now,

Because I have a real man

and he has his own tour bus!

Good for you.

Go get on the tour bus.

I forgot my passport,

which I need

Because my boyfriend,

who is way more famous

And gloriously bigger

than you by the way,

Is taking me on an

around the world tour.

10 countries,

2 months,

all expenses paid.

Woo!

What? Oh f***! F***!

I'll see you later,

you crazy f***in' b*tch!

Get the f*** back here,

you f***ing a**hole!

Loco!

B*tch, read my ass!

I'm sorry about all this.

Don't even worry about it.

- Do you f***in' hear me?!

- Come on! No!

Wait for me!

You forgot to take me with you!

Hey, you crazy f***in' a**hole!

F*** you!

Your cock's not even that big!

You cocksucker!

Hey, Sebastian!

Got some good news, buddy!

Oh yeah, what?

Mike got you back

in the race.

Mike can eat my sh*t.

If that's truly what you want

I'll do it, buddy.

It wouldn't even f***in'

phase me at this point.

He really took one for the team

today at trigger's.

I don't know how he pulled

it off,

But it was amazing.

It was f***ing mythical!

Pat, f***in' relax.

I did get you back

in the race.

Let me guess,

So you can shoot the whole

f***in' thing for swearnet.

Jape, look, I swear to f***

the only thing I care about

Is you crossing that

finish line with your dad.

That's what I'd like to shoot.

If you're cool with it.

You being serious right now?

All right,

let's hug it out.

Don't you ever, ever,

f*** me over again!

All right.

Okay, thank you,

thank you so much.

I'm with the guys right now.

I will let them know.

Guys, I have great news.

Are you okay?

Yeah, my balls got mashed.

So the sponsors are getting

thousands of emails

From people who wanna see

you guys finish the race.

You shut your sexy little

mouth! Are you serious?

Happy?!

That is awesome.

What the f***

is that all about?

- What?

- You f***er.

So what do you think,

man?

You wanna f***in' finish

this thing or what?

Let's win this f***in' race.

F***in' right on, boys.

Swearman, I'll go grab

your f***in' suit.

Boys, meet me down

at the track.

So what are you doin' there?

'Cause that wouldn't really

do anything to fix the car.

It just looks stupid.

Jesus f***in' Christ,

I can't deal with you right now

You f***ing psychotic prick!

F*** off, pinchbeck!

Satan's clit!

Good morning,

Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith,

Curious as to why you refuse

to return my calls.

Wouldn't you agree it would be

rather unfortunate

If you were all to misplace,

say, well, your feet?

Okay, I'm startin'

to understand

Your cryptic f***in' lingo

a little better here.

Clearly you just said

that Logi's gonna

Chop our f***in' feet off,

correct?

What the f*** can I do here

to end this once and for all?

All right, Mr. Smith,

$100,000 and Logi and I get

our very own show on swearnet

And we'll call it even.

Are you f***in' insane?!

$100,000 to pay off 20 grand?!

That oughta keep a bounce

in your step.

More cryptic sh*t.

Hey, tom, carrot!

Oh great,

the guy who f***ed up

The whole weekend

for everybody.

Yeah, listen, look, man,

I know you don't f***in'

owe me anything

Or probably even give

a f***, but-

No, we don't give a f***.

I got me and the boys into

a really f***ed up situation

And I need your help.

I'm not handing out

key chains anymore.

No, no, no,

it's got nothin'-

No, no, it's got nothin'

to do with key chains.

Look, we're gonna get f***in'

our feet cut off

By this psychopath

we owe money to.

You guys are two huge

Hollywood celebrities

And maybe the only people

that can f***in' help me here

With what I need to do.

Did you say feet?

Now this third turn here

we're f***ed.

I'm not worried about

third f***in' turn, man.

- How's your dad doin'?

- Is he ready?

He's all ready, man,

I should have got him

a swearnet suit, man.

- He looks great.

- He looks okay.

Looks like he's

got a hard on.

Hey, just wanted to wish you

boys good luck out there today.

- Hey, you know what?

- Thank you very much

For letting us back

in the race.

I really appreciate it, sir.

Thanks so much, trigger.

Well, don't thank me,

thank your buddy.

He stepped up to the plate

Big time for you boys,

big time.

What the f***

did he mean by that?

I don't know.

How the f*** do these

things work?

Is JP cool with this?

Yes, it's fine.

Look, when I give

you the signal

Pull the f***in' thing

onto the road to block them,

They're gonna be pissed off

so f*** with them a bit,

And then get the f***

out of the way

And just let them

finish the race.

It would've been nice

to rehearse this once.

Jesus Christ.

Four f***in' celebrities

Screaming their heads off

at each other

Caught on camera?

Celebrities rehearse.

Yeah, well, f***.

Pros rehearse.

We're from Hollywood.

Check, check, one two.

We rehearse in Hollywood.

I understand

you f***in' rehearse.

We don't have time

to rehearse.

Pros rehearse.

Pros rehearse.

We're from Hollywood.

It's working.

They're probably right, man.

That's f***in' rehearsal

right there, dude.

- Check it out.

- See it?

I saw it.

Yes, it's...

just like that, see?

Yeah, but can you f***in' focus

on what we're doin' here?

Pull the f***in' truck out

and block them.

We get one shot at this,

make it real,

F*** with them.

Swearman.

All right, let's go,

let's go.

F***in' go, man!

There's that cocky little slut

in the f***in' yellow car!

Let's catch him!

Yeah, punch it, punch it!

Fuckheads!

Right on, man!

That's the lead car!

We pass him we're in first

f***in' place!

He's ours, buddy.

Nice, take him on the outside!

Take him on the outside!

He's blockin' me!

He's blockin' me!

Then take him on the inside!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

First place!

First f***in' place!

Woo!

Way to f***in' drive it, man!

How do you like that, dad?

Squirrel.

Smith, you can't f***in'

do this!

This is f***in' crazy!

I've got no f***in' choice!

We have to sell subscriptions

Or we're all gettin'

our f***ing feet cut off,

You included!

Jamie said that if they win

the sponsors'll get on board!

Surely to f***

that's enough money

To pay that pinchbeck guy

the f*** off!

Maybe!

I don't f***in' know,

But this is gonna guarantee it

if they don't win!

I'm sorry.

Guys, get into character.

It's almost show time.

Pull that. Pull the horn.

- Now we're in character.

- How's that, huh?

Now we're in character,

mother f***er!

You f***in' listen to me, Smith,

they're f***in' winning!

Pat, I don't have time

for this!

You better make

the f***in' time,

'Cause if you f*** this up

You're gonna lose

those guys forever!

Swearman needs

his f***in' friends!

All right, man,

calm the f*** down.

You're right.

You're totally right.

Guys, forget it.

We're goin' down

to the finish line.

When we made "Freddy got

fingered" we rehearsed.

Carrot top that was a good

- You were in that?

Yeah, I made-

I directed that.

I directed that

and I required rehearsal.

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