Swearnet: The Movie Page #3

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We're startin', bud.

We're startin' an internet

channel, Julie.

Rob's gonna be quittin'

his job,

We're gonna be swearin'

our f***in' heads off

On the internet.

Well, that's...

we're just talkin' about it.

How much do you wanna bet

That Robb won't even be seeing

you after today, Michael?

I'd go all f***in' in on that,

Julie.

Mike, please just stop it!

What? I'm tryin' to make

conversation!

We're havin' a nice drive here.

So, Julie, are you, uh,

Gonna go see the Sebastian Bach

concert next week?

- Mike, that's enough.

- What?!

I'm just sayin' he's a f***in'

wonderful entertainer.

He's got beautiful flaxen

golden hair down his back.

Tight pants stretched over

his wank.

Some people might even

go so far as to say

Parts of his body

are irresistible.

Michael, we all know

exactly why

I'm not going

to see Sebastian.

Yeah, why was that?

I can't remember.

Oh, yeah,

'Cause you conveniently

broke up with Robb for an hour

And thought it was fair game

To suck a rock star's

sweaty stage cock

In a piss-Drizzled

porta-Shitter!

Jesus Christ!

Get the f*** outta my car!

You're a f***in' psycho.

F*** you.

- See you later, Robb.

- Crazy f***in' b*tch.

Holy f*** he doesn't

deserve that sh*t!

You're payin'

for the f***ing cab,

You f***in' sh*t disturber.

F*** off.

She almost broke

my f***in' neck.

- Smith, this looks f***ed!

- It's rinky-dink, man.

Why didn't you grid

the f***ing thing off?

Why didn't you go

f*** yourself?

Man, we need better gear.

No sh*t.

Conforti knows a guy that

f***in' loans people money.

Pinchbeck. Owns a bunch

of carnivals overseas.

He's supposed to be-

F***in' little slut!

F***in' cocksuckin'

f***in' ants!

Aw f***!

Quite a hefty limp

you got there, pat.

What happened to ya?

I don't really know,

but my ass is burning!

I do stupid stuff

when I'm drunk.

I'm never drinking again!

- Really?

- Really.

Here, check this out, Smith.

Welcome to swearnet.

No f***in' regulations,

no f***in' rules!

Just real people talkin' real.

F*** off.

- Nice!

- Good job, buddy.

That's f***in' perfect, man.

I'm gonna f***in' snap.

Nice work today, Smith!

I just got f***in' fired

because of you!

Sorry, man, f***.

At least the workin'

for 50's

For the rest of your life

thing's solved.

F***in' dick.

Let's do this.

I told Julie

I'm playin' hockey.

I got 45 minutes tops.

45 f***in' minutes?!

F*** sakes.

Good evening,

welcome to f***in' swearnet's

News, weather and sports.

I'm Mike Smith.

I'm John Paul Tremblay.

And I'm Robb Wells.

Here's what's

The president of the united

states f***ed up big time today

When he met with the

prime minister of Canada.

Actress Lindsay Lohan

got drunk

And was f***in' whoring it up

in another L.A. Nightclub.

Plus we have today's exciting

sports highlights

That you do not want

to f***in' miss.

But first,

let's bring you up to date

On that big, dirty, cocksucker

of a storm, hurricane evan.

Pat roach, swearnet's own sexy

meteorologist, has more.

Take it away, sexy.

Sexy?

Thanks a lot, guys!

Hurricane Evan,

The f***in' a**hole

is not f***in' around!

So for those of you who don't

listen to the weatherman

And haven't evacuated

your homes yet,

Get the f*** out!

'Cause this dirty cocksucker's

got a f***in' opportunity

To f***ing kill you!

You might actually

die, die, die!

So get the f*** out!

Take a f***in' trip!

Go to Qubec!

Have some poutine.

- You lying piece of sh*t!

- F***.

Pat, get the camera

off the tripod.

No way, Smith,

not this stuff!

- F*** you.

- I'm serious, man!

Aw, everything's content, bud.

You are so not at hockey,

you lyin' f***!

You think I don't know

where you are

Every second of the day,

Robb?

I watch you like

a f***ing hawk!

Jules, please just calm down-

Don't f***in' tell me...

hi, there, welcome to a brand

"I'm a crazy c*nt

And my f***in' eyes

are too close together".

Let's observe this crazy b*tch

in her natural habitat.

Why, why, why?!

You promised me that

you wouldn't see Mike anymore!

- Please, Robb!

- I'm sorry.

Can we just talk

about this at home?

No, I don't want to f***in'

talk about it at home!

I'm wanna talk about this

And we're gonna f***in'

deal with it!

Is that chicken?!

I didn't eat any.

- Yes, you did.

- I can see it in your beard,

And you can't 'cause

you're on a f***ing diet!

- He's a grown man, Julie.

- No, he's not!

Get it the f***in' truck

right now

Before I break your dick!

Get in the passenger seat

I'm driving!

Wow, crazy as a sh*t house rat,

folks!

Notice how too close her eyes

are together, John.

It's just like you want take

'em and go "bink" all fixed.

No comment.

- All fixed.

- No comment.

I'm stay out of it, man.

Are her eyes too close

together or not?

I had nothin' to do with this,

Julie, I'm sorry.

- You're a f***in' p*ssy.

- You are f***ed, Julie!

Where the f***'d

you get this chicken?

Chicken palace.

Mmm.

1, 2, 3.

No, no, no, no.

1, 2, 3.

Man, I don't know how I'm gonna

pull off this swearnet sh*t.

Julie basically said

it's her or Mike.

The fact that she's even

puttin' you in that position

Is f***ed!

You gotta do this with us,

man.

We can't break up the team,

bud.

Hey, sweetie.

Smith uploaded our fight last

night, Robb.

It's a show on your stupid

little f***ing network

And I'm the f***ing star!

Jesus Christ!

Oh yeah.

I'm the crazy c*nt who's eyes

are too close together!

- That's crazy.

- I love your eyes.

They whole f***ing world

is seeing this sh*t!

I'm callin' that a**hole

right now!

Motherf***er!

Smith, right?

- And you can f*** off.

- Sorry about that.

Sign here.

All right.

And initial here.

Initial here.

Mother's maiden name,

uh, yeah, there.

Okay.

And your blood type.

Blood type?

What the f*** do you need

my blood type for?

AB positive.

Perfect, all done.

That was painless.

So, thanks very much,

Mr. Pinchbeck.

Like I said, you know,

I doubt it's gonna take

the whole term to pay you back.

Let's look at it like

you pay me as it comes in.

Sounds good.

- Smith, you f***ing cocksucker!

- What?!

What were you thinkin', man?

Mr. Wells, Mr. Tremblay.

So nice to meet you both.

I'm Mr. Pinchbeck.

And this is my half-Brother

logi.

Hey, nice to meet you guys.

You know, there's nothing more

satisfying for me

Than investing in people when

they're just starting out

And watching them

become a success.

Oh, I had fantasies

About the entertainment

business years ago,

And now I think

I might be in it.

Okay.

Any questions at all?

Sure, yeah, we should

definitely stay in touch.

And we will.

- Are you f***ed?!

- What?!

How could you upload that sh*t,

man?!

You made Julie look

like she's nuts!

She is!

I'm sorry!

People f***in'

loved it though, man.

We got a f***in'

1000 memberships!

What? That's pretty good,

isn't it?

Pretty good?

That's 5000 f***in' bucks!

No sh*t.

Mike yeah, no sh*t. Boys, I'm tellin' ya

It's time to get on the f***in

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