Swearnet: The Movie Page #4

---

swearnet ship

Or row the f*** ashore

in your f***in' whore dories,

I've been workin' my c*nt

to the bone all f***in' day,

Settin' sh*t up,

And it's gonna be f***in'

amazing!

And now we got the f***in'

money to do it!

You borrowed money off those

f***in' loan sharks?

A bit, yeah,

But I mean, f***,

enough to get equipment

And get start sh*t

f***in' properly.

This is goin' down

right the f*** now, boys,

With or without you guys.

Are you in or out?

What does that mean?

We're a team for f*** sakes!

I agree. We are a team,

an unstoppable f***in' team.

So let's do this as a team,

no distractions.

Did you tell Julie

you're fired yet?

F*** no, are you crazy?

All right,

actually that's perfect.

Tell her you're goin' away

on business for a week.

We can't go away

for a week, man,

What about

the f***in' race?

No, shooting the race

is part of the master plan.

Trust me.

So pack your f***in'

protein bars, your amino acids,

Whatever the f*** it is that

makes you look like that,

We're goin' on a little trip.

What if I get caught?

Would you f*** off,

you p*ssy!

Aw, f***, boys,

look at this.

This is one of the best days

of my life.

This is gonna be awesome.

Hey, how you doin'?

Man, I am not gonna

get away with this!

We gotta get checked

the f*** in quick!

Holy f***,

you are fascinating.

Smith, just turn off

the f***ing camera,

And don't think you're gonna

be shooting us 24 hours a day,

Because you're not.

I don't think you guys

get the f***in' concept

Of swearnet here, boys.

Everything

is f***in' content.

We're not just shootin'

news, weather and sports.

That's lame as sh*t.

We need f***in' drama!

Smith, shut the f*** up!

Listen to me!

Julie could be lurkin' around

any one of these corners!

Oh, Julie, could be lurking

around anyone of these cor-

You candy coated

piss Gussler.

Why the f*** would Julie

be in the lobby

Of a hotel in downtown

f***in' Halifax?!

That's bullshit!

What do you mean you gave

my f***in' room away?!

That's Sebastian f***in' Bach!

Okay, forget what

I said before.

There's a really good chance

Julie could be here.

Well, you will find

my reservation right now

Or I'm gonna bounce

this bottle of whiskey

Right off the side

of your f***in' lid!

Sir, you were supposed

to check-In two days ago.

Hi, there, welcome to "hotel

f*** arounds" here on swearnet.

We have a situation unfolding

with Sebastian f***in' Bach!

I was riding a ferry

across the tranquil waters

Of the bay of f***in' fundy,

dummy!

Excuse me, Sebastian Bach?

Swearnet's

"hotel f*** arounds".

Can you tell us

the situation unfolding?

Yes, I can tell you

the f***in' situation!

I rented a room

in this dump

And this clown ass dink

has given it away

Because I'm just late

like two days?!

Jesus Christ!

That sounds like f***in'

bullshit to me, dude.

Yeah, you know what?

It is a real f*** around.

And as far

as this hotel goes?

Why don't you

all suck my rig!

And cut.

All right, boys,

get ready to butter your tits.

Jesus Christ!

Oh man!

This is f***in' awesome, man!

Check this sh*t out.

This is f***in' amazing!

You guys ready for surprise

number one?

Boys, you are now officially

racing for team swearnet.

Holy sh*t!

Those are f***in' badass!

I wanna shoot a whole f***in'

segment called "race d*cks".

If think if we make

it crazy enough

It will be f***in' huge.

- These suits are gorgeous!

- You got one for me?

Oh, buddy,

You've got the f***in'

coolist suit of us all.

Huh, you're "swearman" now,

bud.

Right on.

What the f*** is this?!

I can't wear this!

I can't wear silk, man!

Pat, swearman is gonna

be f***in' huge.

You're gonna be world famous

you squishy f*** tanker.

Girl's boots?

They're not girl's boots.

Lots of guys wear boots.

Surprise number two, boys.

Press passes.

Canada versus the united states

world junior final

At the Halifax f***in'

metro centre.

I got us a f***in' skybox,

boys!

F*** my piss hole

with a pencil eraser!

Are you serious?! Yes!

Serious as a galvanized whore

at a tin shop.

Swearman, down the f***in'

hatch you hunk of f*** meat.

Time to get suited up, bud.

I'm not f***in' drinkin'.

Pat, you put the f***in'

suit on

And you start guzzling liquor

If you wanna to have anything

to do with swearnet.

Mike, I don't want

to be known

As the f***in' drunk guy

on the internet.

Your f***in' face is gonna

be covered in a f***in' mask!

Nobody's gonna know

who you are.

Come on, man,

swearnet needs a mascot

And it's you, buddy.

You gotta do it.

Not a f***in' chance!

I'm not f***in' doin' it

and you can't f***in' make me!

Yeah! F*** you!

Yeah!

Woo hoo!

Get some f***in' drinks in ya!

F*** you! Ha ha ha!

Look at this sh*t!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, f*** you!

And I want that big f***in'

finger right up my f***in' ass!

F***! F***! F***!

That's what you want, isn't it?

You want a bunch

of f***in' swearin'?

I'll f***in' swear for ya!

The tension in the air is

palpable here tonight, folks.

Canada and the united states

for this,

The final game

of the tournament.

And a big welcome

to our affiliates

Across the globe this evening

for what is certain to be

History in the making.

Now we go to frontiers

recording artist,

Sebastian Bach,

with our national anthems.

Sebastian! Woo!

# Oh, say can you see #

# By the dawn's early light #

# What so proudly we hailed

at the twilights last gleaming #

I'm f***in' horny!

Get your f***in' hands

off me, JP!

Check this sh*t out, boys.

- Nice.

- Shut the f*** up.

Why do you smell like sh*t?

Nice f***in' liquor.

Look at this,

this is gonna be f***in' epic.

Hey, Robb, Sebastian's got

his leather pants on, man.

# The true north and free! #

# From far and wide

oh Canada... #

He's wearin' those tight

leather pants, buddy,

You better hope Julie's

not lurking around.

F*** off.

Yeah, f*** you, JP,

you f***in' p*ssy!

Swearman, sit the f*** down

and shut the f*** up!

We're gonna shoot

a real segment here.

I don't need you yappin'.

I'm not f***in' sittin' down

If I don't wanna

f***in' sit down!

I'm swearman!

You created me

And I didn't even

wanna f***in' drink!

But you f***in' made me drink,

now I am f***ed!

So take a long suck

on my f***in' swear cock!

Shut the f*** up

and sit down!

F***!

See this little red slot?

Broadcasts live to the f***in'

the internet.

Suck my balls.

Are you serious?

Smith, I don't think

our press passes

Let us broadcast the game

to the internet, do they?

No, of course not.

We have absolutely no clearance

to use the f***in' frequencies

We're using either,

titanium tits.

# Oh, Canada,

we stand on guard for thee! #

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the first

Live broadcast

of swearnet sports.

Tonight we have the world

championship game

Between team Canada

and team USA.

That's right, Robb,

These cocksuckers

hate each other.

Should be a fantastic

f***in' match tonight.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote