Swearnet: The Movie Page #7

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Sorry, babe.

No, you can talk to JP.

The mood's ruined now anyways.

Why don't you f***in'

answer it?

Hey, buddy, how you doin'?

I'm okay, man.

Yeah! Oh yeah!

I'm on too, bud,

what the f***'s goin' on?

Oh, hey, that's really cool

the way you did that.

Why are you talkin' in f***in'

p*ssy mode right now?

Tell me you're not back with

that crazy fucktrain, rob?!

- Hell, yeah, he is!

- Yeah, baby!

Uh, not totally,

but yeah.

Tell him the news, Robb.

What f***in' news

is she talkin' about?

Me and Julie got pre-Engaged,

She finally accepted

the promise ring.

Congrats, man,

third time's the charm, bud!

Jesus Christ!

I just got off the phone

with Jamie.

I got you a new car.

You guys are f***in'

racin' again!

Oh, that's really cool, JP.

Um, I'll talk to Julie

about that right now.

See you, dude!

Bye bye, come with me!

Oh, I love you, baby!

F*** this is a good workout!

- Yeah!

- Oh yeah!

Holy f***!

Oh my god!

What did he want?

Looks like we could

be in the race again.

JP found another car.

Is Mike involved?

I haven't called Mike

and Mike hasn't called me.

This isn't about Mike,

Julie.

It's about JP and his dad.

He's one of my best friends!

Whatever, Robb.

It's great to see what

your f***in' priorities are.

- F***.

- I heard that!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome to the east coast

Targa.

As we get set for our two days

of competition

And it will be

the combined time

From those two days of racing

That will determine

our overall results

And crown our east coast

Targa champion.

Now if you want

to get autographs

From any of our teams,

Today's practice day

is the day to get them,

Because once the two days

of racing start tomorrow

The only way to get

an autograph

Will be with a pit pass.

We're from Hollywood.

Hollywood, huh?

Hollywood California!

California!

- Where are we at?

- Where are we at now?

Where are we anyway?

Canada?

- We're handing out key chains.

- We're handing out key chains.

Key chains and pictures

of celebrities!

Oh, hey, buddy, nice to see ya.

Thanks for comin'.

Oh, hi, ya, nice to see ya.

We're handing out key chains.

- Hey, what's up, grease?

- What's up, slick?

Hey, guys,

so whaddya think?

Holy sh*t balls!

Deep fry my tits,

are you f***ing kidding me?!

Pretty sweet, huh?

Look at these f***in' things!

Sh*t, I didn't know you were

gettin' porches!

You okay, man?

They're beautiful, man.

I just hope he's up there

lookin' down at us right now.

Oh, man, you know he is up

there floatin' around in heaven

Jackin' that f***in'

big rod of his smilin'.

Okay, so I highlighted

some turns

Where a lot spectators

will be watching.

There's some cameras

in the cars.

If you can do some

sponsor shout-Outs there

It'll be great.

That way we'll get the fans

in the background,

And they can swear,

it doesn't matter.

We can't do shout outs

while we're actually racing.

No, I didn't know you meant

during the race.

It'll be way too distracting,

not to mention dangerous,

Plus I need him navigating.

Well, Robb's not in your car.

Huh? What?

You didn't tell them about

tom and carrot top

Being involved either,

did you?

I'm sorry, guys.

I thought Mike ran

all this by you.

Tom and carrot top?

How the f***

are they involved?

Ah!

Stop the f***in' car!

Tell me when f***in' turn!

I don't know when

to f***in' turn!

There's a f***in' turn!

This is a f***in' turn!

That was a f***in' turn!

Stop f***in' hitting me!

They stuck me with

a f***in' lunatic!

Stop f***in' hitting me!

Let me outta the f***in' car!

- We're in a race pit!

- I'm not f***in' stoppin'!

F***!

It's only a practice day, jape.

It doesn't count.

It counts to me, Smith,

you f***in' a**hole!

I'm sorry! F***, you're better

off with carrot top

Than tom though, trust me.

F*** off!

How are you doin', Robb?

I'm in a god damn sh*t show,

Smith.

Tom stopped the f***ing car.

People are swarming us

like goddamn locusts!

Sorry, kid, not you.

I mean you guys aren't swarmin'

us really or anything...

Jesus Christ,

you're in a f***in' race car

With tom f***in' green!

I'm handing out key chains.

I'm tom green.

I'm handing out key chains.

Would you like a key chain?

I'm handing out key chains.

Tom, get back in the f***ing

car now!

We're supposed

to be racin' here

Not signin' f***in' autographs!

I'm handing out key chains.

I don't know how to f***in'

read maps!

Read it!

It's all in Canadian!

I don't know how to f***in'

read this!

What do you mean

it's f***in' Canadian?!

It doesn't make any difference!

F*** off!

Aw, f*** this sh*t!

Jape, man, you're supposed

to do a shout out for puma

That last turn.

Smarten the f*** up!

I don't give a f***!

Do you hear what's

goin' on in here?!

So when she put the hose clamp

on my sack

And turned on the gas

There were f***in' feathers

flyin' everywhere, man.

So do you still eat

chicken fingers or what?

Nice, Robb.

Smith!

Hey, buddy, we're gettin'

swearnet god here, man.

Don't f***in' buddy me!

I got 9 million ant bites

On my f***in' gut

because of you,

You f***in' a**hole!

Holy f***, man!

- It's f***ed!

- Sorry, buddy.

- Well funny f***in' this!

- We just got served!

You went too f***in' far, man!

Check that out!

Pat, f*** off.

Cnt can't sue swearnet.

Well, apparently they

f***in' can

And they got a bunch

of civil suits against me,

Against swearman!

Just relax, okay?

Nobody can prove

they need counselling

'Cause they saw your hard

little nib cock on TV.

I'm not f***in' worried

about this sh*t.

Yeah,

well maybe rob and JP

Will be f***in' worried

about it!

You f***in' listen

to me right now!

You f***in' promise me

You don't say a f***in' word

about this to those guys!

JP doesn't need f***in'

distractions right now!

Jesus, Smith,

take it f***in' easy, man.

Pat, I'm just...

I'm stressed here, man.

Don't ever grab me by

the f***in' face again!

F***! Truce! Truce!

Oh you f***in-

Listen,

you f***in' cocksucker!

You f***in' concentrate

on drivin' up memberships

So I can chill pinchbeck

the f*** out,

Or I'll rip your shitty

f***ing head

Right off your f***in' body!

Okay, my cousin Leigh's hosting

karaoke at reggies tonight.

I want to shoot

swear-e-oke.

What the f*** is

swear-e-oke, man?

Seriously?

Oh yeah, yeah.

Okay, listen,

I want swearman to host it.

It'll be f***in' amazing.

Go get your suit on,

bring a camera down there,

Get set up,

have a couple drinks,

Just wait for us to get there,

all right?

All right.

Thanks, buddy.

Come here, hug it out,

I love you, bud.

Don't ever f***in' knee

me in the nuts again,

You f***in' arctic

polar whore blanket!

Jape, how are you makin' out?

Is carrot gettin' the hang

of this or what?

- Shut the f*** up!

- Shut the f*** up!

No! No! No! No! No!

- Just take this over there.

- That would be great.

Ah!

The race is over!

Stop the f***in' car!

I am parking the f***in' car!

Shut the f*** up!

Shut the f*** up!

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