Swearnet: The Movie Page #8

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Get the f*** out of this car!

You're a f***in' a**hole!

You're a f***in' a**hole!

F*** you. Thank you, god.

Paul Tremblay, Mike Smith here

for swearnet sports.

You have the sixth fastest

time of the day so far,

Unofficially.

What the f*** is goin' on?

How did it go out there?

Not f***in' good!

You know what?

We tried to do it the way

the sponsors wanted to

And everything got f***ed up

because that dick

Is the worst f***in' navigator

in the f***in' world!

F*** off.

Tom Greeen arriving back.

I'm handing out key chains.

Key chains.

Anyone want a key chain?

You guys want a key chain?

I'm handin' out key chains.

Robb Wells,

Mike Smith, swearnet sports.

How did you it go

out there today?

Well, it was f***in' amazing.

We were so fast!

Glad I wasted two weeks

Preparing my f***in' route book

for nothin'!

You're in my f***in'

car tomorrow!

- Good!

- Good!

- F*** you and you!

- You get in his f***in' car!

You want to keep f***in'

pointing at me?!

I'm handing out key chains.

- Keep doin' it!

- You drove me f***in' nuts!

I'm handing out key chains.

That's what I've been dealing

with all f***in' day.

Yeah, you do not have

to come down here.

Everything's fine.

Everything is great.

Um, yes, okay, bye.

Sorry, listen, this whole thing

with tom and carrot top

It's f***ed.

It's not workin'.

You know the little doll

JP has?

Yeah?

He put his dad's ashes

in that thing

So that they could cross

the finish line together.

His dad's ashes

are in the doll?

That is so sad.

Oh, f***, it's beyond sad.

It's f***ing gut-Wrenching.

But that's the story

I want to be able

to focus on, you know?

The bond between

JP and his father.

Yeah, I think so too.

But you know tom and carrot

don't actually race, right?

That was just some

promo thing for today.

Yeah, f*** no,

I knew that.

Give me one second.

Hey, no those were

happy screams, happy.

Yes, no,

his agent called?

F***, I'm an idiot.

That's awesome, bud.

How did you get

her to agree to that?

I finger blasted her.

- What?

- No you didn't.

No, I'm just jokin'.

I told we'd put more heart

in swearnet.

Yeah, well that's a good idea.

It's not a f***in' good idea.

Spectacle's what people

wanna see.

Get your game balls on, boys,

We're goin' to Reggie's

to shoot.

I'm goin' to bed.

No, you're not goin'

to f***in' bed.

Did you forget

about pinchbeck?

I'll have you's home

by 11:
00. Holy f***!

I'm not allowed out

till 11:
00!

Think about what

you just said.

I'm not allowed out

till 11:
00.

F***!

What are you

in f***in' grade 8?

Nice parkin' job,

dick head.

Same way I park up

your mother's ass, bud,

Fast and hard.

Come on, boys, this is gonna be

f***in' awesome!

My cousin Leigh does

karaoke here.

He's gonna let us do

swear-e-oke.

What the hell

is swear-e-oke?

You can't f***in' figure out

what swear-e-oke is?

Hey, all you cowboys!

Get your f***in' c*cks out!

Oh my god,

what is that?!

I'd say swearman

showed up.

Hello, boys!

...built this city

on cock and hole?!

What's goin' on, Leigh?

Oh, pretty good, man!

F***, I don't know

what this swear-e-oke's

Supposed to be about,

Pat's out there singin'

about c*cks and stuff.

Why didn't you stop him?

I don't know, man.

F***, I don't think people

are diggin' it though.

I just let him

go with it.

I've lots of 'em!

I'll be here

all f***in' night!

# You're a real tough cowboy #

# With a great big cock #

# 10 seconds with me I'll make

you hard as a rock! #

# I'll take you right down

to the f***in' base, #

# Make sure you blow

it in my face! #

# Hit me with your big cock! #

# Come on,

hit me with your big cock! #

# Come on,

hit me with your big cock #

# And I'm not even gay! #

Ha ha!

Yeah, motherfuckers!

Ha ha!

What the hell is this sh*t?

# Take in the f***in' face! #

Get off the stage!

# Suckin' on my friend's cock! #

# Come on now,

suckin' on my friend's cock! #

Boo!

# Come on now

suckin' on my friend's cock #

# And blowing it away! #

Get the f*** off the stage,

boy!

We didn't come here

to listen to you

Sing about suckin'

goddamn c*cks!

I'm swearman!

If I wanna sing about

suckin' f***in' c*cks,

I can sing about

f***in' suckin' c*cks!

Who gives a f*** what anyone's

sexual orientation is,

You homophobic f***in' fag!

Okay, swearman, everybody.

- Aw, f*** you!

- Get the f*** outta here!

F*** right the f*** off,

you f***in-!

F*** you! F*** you!

Okay, I'm really sorry

about that.

F***! Jesus Christ!

What the f*** was that?!

F*** you!

I am swearman!

I'm f***in' sorry!

Sorry! Sorry!

Sit down and shut

the f*** up!

F***!

Shut the f*** up!

How the f*** was I supposed

to know he's gonna throw

A goddamn f***in'

gumball machine!

Shut the f*** up!

You had to go on about c*cks

again though, didn't ya, huh?!

It feels like a thousand

f***ing migraines

Are f***ing my ear hole

right now!

Aw, f***, let me see if I can

calm these f***ers down a bit.

Leigh, you got any pain killers

or anything?

There's some codeine 60s

in my bag there, Mike.

Yeah, yeah, codeine.

You just can't help yourself,

can ya?

Holy f***in' fear and loathing

over here, boys.

Here we go.

Codeine, uh,

Every four hours.

Max dose 60 mill.

Give me some of that sh*t.

Here open up there, fucky.

Here I'll give you a double

f***in' whammy of it.

I won't hurt ya.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, man!

Jesus, be careful

with that stuff!

What? What do you mean careful?

It's codeine.

It's pure LSD, man!

You're only supposed to take

a tiny drop!

What?! What the f***

are you takin' about LSD?!

How much did you give him?

It was in a codeine bottle!

You gotta sit down

and you gotta relax.

Man, I'm tellin' you.

We've smoked wheelchair weed

That's way crazier

than acid.

Okay, that's great, man,

But no one's probably done this

much acid in f***in' history!

Oh f*** I have.

Holy f***, JP!

What the f*** are you doin'?

I'm not letting my navigator

Trip out on acid

by himself, man.

We're a team, buddy.

It's 10 o'clock, we'll be

totally fine by the morning.

I don't know about that,

boys.

Boy, I can't f***in' deal

with this right now, I can't!

No, we're gonna be fine, man.

You're gonna be f***ed!

- Would you shut the f*** up!

- You just gotta go with it.

Well, if you're gonna trip,

old boys, all night,

I'll certainly f***ing

join ya.

Ah! Good to go!

This acid stuff

is f***in' intense!

# You're on top of the world #

# You're on top of the world #

# And you can't get any higher

you're on top of the world! #

I'm flying! I'm f***in' flying!

# It wasn' easy

it was hard as hell! #

# She never grew up

in a wishing well! #

# Never hurt so much

had so much pain #

# Never changed for anything. #

(Thank you! Thank you!

Holy f***!

How did I even get up here?!

Holy f***.

Hi, man.

Mr. Wells, Mr. Pinchbeck.

Glad you're still up.

I'd very much like

to make arrangements

For tomorrow's payment.

Mr. Wells?

It's the night people.

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