Swing State Page #8

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for you. This is a check.

You can just call that

a peace offering.

Where did you get this money?

Doughglobes is picking up.

Fried food for fat people.

When this check clears

I'll give you back your

precious guitar.

Okay.

All right guys, going back

to going farther south

down.

Neil, you gotta watch

Ears wide shut while

we're gone.

Me, I'm going on the road

with you guys.

No, you're not.

Ears wide shut cannot

fall apart. Do you understand

what this is?

Dude, there's no way.

I'm not a public speaker.

There's no public.

What if I get sick

and I lose my voice?

-And, I just can't...

-Neil...

Buck the f*** up.

Just buck up.

-Buck up.

-I don't even know what

that is.

What is buck?

All we are saying

Is give guns a chance

[cheering and applause]

It is my honor to introduce

to you the governor

Richard Dick Sollow.

[cheering and applause]

[chanting] We want Dick!

We want Dick!

We want Dick!

We want Dick!

We want Dick!

We want Dick!

[cheering and applause]

[marching band playing]

Thank you.

I love you more.

[cheering and applause]

Charles, we can't argue with

a rally like that.

That crowd was speaking.

And his message

is really resonating.

Resonating indeed.

Yeah, that's true.

I just gotta thank the team.

For the hard work

they are doing. And,

in particular, you have

really electrified this race

Charles, thank you.

Exactly, we're a great team,

Charles.

This week with the governor,

Charles has exceeded all

expectations.

We just analyzed a cross

section of polling data,

we are trending up, up, up.

Well, he's the man.

[laughter]

Charles Fern I'd like

to talk to you about

your past record.

What are you talking about?

What am I talking about?

Charles Fern aka Charles

Fernando,

was convicted of selling

a controlled substance in

1990...

Ethan?

Whoa, hey, hey.

No, Senora, no, s enora.

-Sh*t.

-Oh, god, sorry.

Charles, see I've been

trying to quit smoking

and I am having hell of a time.

And I have a date tonight.

-Care for a patch, Charles?

-No, I'm fine.

How about some vertigo lift?

I'm right as rain,

good as wood so...

Listen let's keep this

between ourselves okay.

Listen, your secret

is safe with me.

You're a terrific kid.

Close the door.

It's the longest road

I've ever been on.

It's a Long drive.

[sighs]

Just call her.

-I'm gonna call her.

-Mmm hmm.

[cellphone ringing]

-Hey.

-Hey, Julia.

Ethan, where have you been?

I've been worried sick.

I left you like

a dozen messages.

I got the message so to speak.

Look, why didn't you tell

me you were dating

Jefferson?

What are you talking about?

I went to the brewery

on Tuesday night.

I know what's going on.

Brewery? Oh, god no.

Jefferson is just my friend.

Oh, just a friend huh?

Well, did your friend's magic

hands get down your

magic pants?

Hey, he's a cardiothoracic

surgeon, that's a joke.

Just come clean.

I know you took him

to your special place.

Your magical make out

mountain.

Okay, you have your facts

way wrong.

What are my facts then

Jackie O nasty?

I know you are not speaking

to me like that.

And just so you know,

my special place,

is the name of the pediatric

ward in the hospital.

If you don't believe me,

give him a call.

I'm such an idiot.

Look, I know that Jefferson

likes me but he hasn't

crossed any boundaries.

And, I would never mess with

your mind like that.

I'm sorry, that was just...

I gotta get back to work

but call me later?

Okay.

Bye.

Uh-oh.

America, America

God shed his grace on thee

And crown thy good

With brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

Ah...

It is getting late,

I'll walk you to your room.

This could ruin my career.

So...

[clears throat]

Here's my room.

Would you like to come

in for a drink?

Uh, well...

I don't think...

I'm tired.

Charles Fern?

Or should I say Ethan Smith?

Your just a lefty nutbag.

Oh, your just a right wing

cock puppet.

Isn't there a terrorist

you should be mating with?

Isn't there an abortion

clinic you should

bomb, b*tch?

Charles, let's go.

Not till I am done.

Adrian!

Adrian!

Pay no attention to her,

Charles.

Thank you, I'm sorry you

had to deal with that.

Wow. You have your own doll.

You sell a lot of these?

Yes, some for novelty,

some for craftsmanship.

-They are really lovely.

-Thank you.

Your like the republican

Madonna.

Only I am not like a virgin,

I...

I am a virgin.

What?

I've been waiting to meet

a man who I could give

my body to.

Someone who I could

share my views and

my values with.

Take me, Charles.

[moaning]

Oh, my gosh, Ann.

Ann. Listen, there is something

I need to apologize for.

Listen, there is something

I need to tell you.

I have to apologize

for something.

That night I kissed you

at your car, it was a mistake.

I guess I am too old for you.

No, it's not that,

I love old women,

it's just that there is someone

else I am betraying.

Don't tell me you are married

to somebody else in Maine.

Yes.

[laughs]

That's exactly it.

I am married to

someone in Maine.

[grunting]

You are destroying her life.

She made a commitment

to you,

God and man, and Marriage...

And you...

were playing with my heart.

It's not like that.

It's not like that.

Ann, I'm married to a man.

What?

Yes, it's a little bit weird

to talk about.

But, I met this

fly and tackle hand

who helped me haul some wood

to my cabin in Maine, and...

Well, we were in close quarters

during a very violent tornado.

And after the sun rose...

We drove all the way to Rowan

County and that's where

we tied the knot.

So are you for gay marriage?

Yes.

Yeah, that's a deal breaker.

Traitor. He's going down.

You know...

I always thought there

was something off

about that guy.

Look...

-I'm going

to the weekly with this.

-No, no, no.

This is a national story.

We are the next Woodward

and f***ing Bernstein.

My old college roommate,

I gave him a ring

he's now a producer

on the vacuum.

And he said that Bob Bernard

is dying to see our footage.

-Send it.

-Okay.

-What? Now.

-Okay, done.

Done.

Live music with no auto tune

and no quick track.

Maybe I should've tried

More than I figured all

Maybe I should've left

Before we ever met

It don't matter now

The end of the World is

The beginning of everything

Neil Hornback

for Ears Wide Shut signing off.

Nice work, man. You did it.

Was it as good as you?

All right.

Let's not get ahead

of ourselves.

There he is.

Your show is a monster.

You are a hit throughout

Washington and we are gonna

take you nationwide.

Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Excuse me, I need a moment

alone with Charles.

Thank you. Now, thank you.

Thank you.

I'll step over here.

Wow.

We have already signed this.

And as soon as you do,

you will get your

300,000 dollar advance.

And we're gonna take you coast

to coast.

Congratulations, my boy.

-Hey, bud, how you doing?

-I'm good.

This is going

national tomorrow.

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