Syrup Page #6

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- The situation here is very clear...

- Excuse me!

- We need to call a press conference...

- Part of a strategic plan.

- Done!

- And announce that this episode was

an underhanded attempt by Sneaky Pete

to discredit a colleague,

and that Addison will not

tolerate such behavior.

And that he has been fired.

I mean, how else

would we explain it?

Say that Scat went temporarily insane?

- Well...

- Okay, the real question here

is who would you rather have

running your marketing department?

Someone with integrity, or someone

who will do anything to get to the top,

- no matter what the cost.

- Hmmm.

Which Scat will also do,

- but with integrity.

- Man:
Scat is very new here.

I am not.

- You had to open the coffin.

- I hope you and Pete

live happily ever after.

You have no idea

what you're talking about.

I guess I am

that naive moron, huh?

Thanks for your loyalty, Six.

I appreciate it.

You have no idea

what you're talking about.

Voicemail:

To listen to your messages, press one.

- [Beeps]

- First new message.

Received today at 2:52 AM.

Scat:

Six, it really is so clever!

Sexy Six.

Look, I just have

one question for you.

Did you make him breakfast, huh?

Are you guys a team now?

You and Pete? Screw you.

- I miss you.

- [beeps]

Man:

Come on, break's over.

Shoe department needs your help.

They can only find a seven,

the customer needs a six.

On your right,

we've got the weeping clown

of the meatpacking district.

The old butchers

used to come out here and weep

for the slaughter of their kill and...

Come on!

- Scat:
Two hours before we...

- Man:
Heads up.

Scat

...get to our destination.

- Man #2:
I don't know why, but I'm--

- Man:
There's goes our man.

Man #2:
I'm just a magnet

for young, young women.

- Exactly how young?

- [car engine starts]

- Thanks.

- [tires screech]

[grunts]

- Go!

- [tires screech]

[camera clicks]

Man:
I will not get drawn

into this with you again.

It is Fukk. It's pronounced "f***."

It's pronoun-- [moans]

Man #2:

That's what everybody's calling it.

It has nothing to do with "fook."

It's not Swedish.

It's not "fook," it's "fuk." "Fuk."

- He looked taller on TV.

- They always do.

- Man:
What's with the rickshaw?

- What?

[Mimicking music]

Taiwanese cross-promotion?

Rickshaw?

- The pedicab?

- Yeah. Rickshaw.

Man:

Research, right?

- For a new campaign?

- Hmm?

- Who are you?

- Man:
We are not at liberty

to reveal our employer, Mr. Scat,

but we can say they turned over

$18.4 billion last year.

ZephCo?

That's too specific.

Guys...

Mr. Scat, we just want to talk,

just talk.

Man #2:
Yes, I did.

Yes, I did.

I can't say no.

I can't say no.

[Phones ringing]

[pencil tapping]

No.

[Exhales, humphs]

[Scat sighs disgustedly]

[clatters]

Research.

[laughs]

Let's talk straight.

ZephCo doesn't know what you were

doing with that funeral stunt,

but whatever it was, it was brilliant

because everyone's talking about it.

Here's the thing, we have

great marketing already,

all these competitions

and giveaways.

- We have excellent execution.

- No, you don't.

Yes...?

Look, we need to beat Addy.

And we were doing just fine

until guess who comes along.

- Sneaky Pete!

- The inventor of Fukk!

- Fuk. Fuk.

- It's "f***."

- You know about Fukk?

- Yeah, I know about Fukk.

The drink is genius. Naturally

we immediately tried to poach Mr. Pete,

but since he turned us down,

here we are.

We feel you have the potential

to be the next Sneaky Pete.

Now we know you worked with him

on the "Die for a Fuk"

campaign, right?

You were-- f***. You--

You were clearly-- "fuk."

You were clearly

a team at the funeral.

Right? And now this whole

guerilla marketing,

you know, with the rickshaws--

genius, genius!

Man:
Genius.

It speaks volumes to us

that Mr. Pete trusts you

as much as he does.

Volumes.

And we have been

empowered by the CEO

to hire you right now.

- Okay, look...

- We get it.

- You're happy at Addison.

- I'm not happy at Addison.

- I'm not even at Addison.

- Shut up, Scat!

We're hoping that our

ridiculous salary package

- might change your mind.

- [clears throat]

- Exactly how ridiculous?

- [laughter]

I think it's safe to say

very ridiculous.

[laughter]

Man:

Preposterous, even.

[Elevator dinging]

- It's a great opportunity.

- Yep.

- It's a lot of money.

- Yep.

- What was your real name?

- Six.

[Scoffs]

You have 62 direct-line employees--

water, sparkling--

not including the call center.

Scat, Six-- Charles, Buckey.

Your personal bathroom

is right through there.

What is this?

We need to get this...

- [kids chattering]

- No no no.

This is not for me.

I thought we covered that.

Excuse me.

Your remaining budget is $200 million.

Your office.

What do you think?

It'll do.

I appreciate your

coming on so quickly.

- We need you.

- Of course. We're happy to be here.

You don't understand.

You've got to help me.

I have stock options.

We are very committed

to making this work.

In fact, let me ask you something.

How do you feel

about attack marketing? I know

there's some potential for backlash,

but in a basic duopoly like this

diluting their USP could be

nothing but beneficial for us.

I don't know what

the hell you just said.

- Just sell product.

- Absolutely.

Can do, sir.

Good.

You're exactly the same.

I'm sorry, did I allude

to being someone I'm not?

- Are you trying to be ironic?

- No.

Anyone who works with you

loses their soul.

- I'm sorry to hear that.

- That I lost my soul? You should be.

No, that you don't want to work, Scat.

- Stop being so dramatic.

- Oh God!

You couldn't figure out

how to f*** me.

So get over it.

- We have work to do.

- I never just wanted to f*** you.

Everyone wants to just f*** me.

I'm different!

You're still a guy, right?

Thinks with his dick.

If that were the case, I could have

settled for a whole lot less.

And don't tell me that I just want you

because I can't have you,

because that's...

that's...

Call the SMT.

Now.

Narrator:
The SMT stands for

Senior Management Team,

an acronym that Scat picked up

in "Business 185:

Understanding

the Corporate Structure."

"Average Kok."

Man:

Just have to take a look at it.

Yeah, now isn't that

basically Fukk?

Who wants to drink a Fukk

when you can down a Kok?

Kok is like Fukk for sissies.

It's "fuk." "Fuk."

The important word

here isn't "Kok."

"Average"?

[snaps]

Here's how it works.

The less religious you are,

the more likely it is

you're interested in celebrities.

Know that old question, "if you could

have dinner with any five people,

living or dead, who would you choose?"

Nobody ever picks their friends.

We're not going to sell

this product to your friends.

Not yet, anyway.

Now Zeph is way too mainstream for this,

- so we set up a subsidiary that...

- [crashes]

- What the--

- ...looks independent. We call it Z2.

Z2 releases Average Kok

with absolutely no above-the-line,

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