Table For Three Page #3

I'm what you'd call

a monogamist slut.

One of the pillars of our relationship.

It keeps it spicy.

- Mmm.

- Huh?

And it doesn't hurt that I rarely

- if ever wear panties for him.

- No it does not.

You must think

that we are total pervs.

The whole thing

must seem so tawdry.

Ooh! Tawdry.

Fantastic word.

- It's awesome, right?

- That is an awesome word.

Guys, let's just try to establish and

respect some boundaries, all right?

- Can do, Mr. Magoo.

- Absolutely.

And to make it up to you,

we made brunch.

I can see that.

I could see that from space.

- Diggith inneth.

- Bon apptit.

- We need more eggs.

- Eggsellent idea.

- My thoughts eggsactly.

- Guys, really,

none of this was

necessary. I...

Um...

you know, the less we talk or think

or remember about last night the better.

We just feel terrible

that we ruined it for you

with Lisa.

Leslie. And, um,

you didn't ruin anything.

We're going out tonight.

Wow,

two dates in two days.

Jesus H. Christ, Scott,

I thought we weren't gonna

rush into anything this time.

I'm not rushing into anything.

It's more of a do-over date anyway.

Whatever. It's like you want

to get your heart broken again.

Scott, uh, what about

the guy code?

You don't even call the girl the next

day, let alone go out with her.

You're never gonna

get rid of her now.

I'm not really a guy-code guy, Ryan.

I like to play it by ear.

Yeah. That's been

real successful so far.

- Mary!

- Dude, she's kidding.

She's kidding. I mean,

she is and she isn't.

I am and I amn't.

Look, thank you for breakfast,

but I'd like to drop the subject now.

- It's dropped.

- Like a bad habit.

- Like a hot potato.

- Like an atom bomb.

- Like a prom dress.

- Like a...

Well, it looks like

somebody got up

on the wrong side

of the bed this morning.

Your eggs are getting cold, Scott.

Other lightweight vacuums

are light on power.

That's why Dyson

engineered the Dyson Slim...

See you all later.

Wait!

- We have to come with you.

- Why?

To apologize to Leslie.

That won't be necessary.

I know, but it would just make

us both feel so much better.

Yeah. We got off

on the wrong foot.

Such the wrong foot.

Okay.

But you leave after the apology,

and absolutely no drinks.

Don't worry, we'll be good.

I'm even wearing panties today.

Ow.

It just keeps coming.

Look, I really want to spend

some time with her.

Alone.

- Right. Say, Ryan?

- Hmm?

What's the name of

the Canadian rock trio

that recorded the song

"Tom Sawyer"?

Why, Mary, that would be

Rush.

Which is exactly what

Scott is doing with Leslie.

Okay, you guys clearly

planned that, and that's just odd.

Come on.

She stood you up, man.

- Left you hanging.

- High and dry.

I feel awful.

This is obviously our fault.

Oh, man, this sucks.

So what do you say we go get

a drink or 12, nurse the wounds?

- All you can do, really. Right?

- Yes.

Shall we?

Hi!

Are you here to see someone?

Uh, yes. Leslie.

Leslie Galinsky?

No, Leslie Green.

Oh, Leslie G.

You must be Scott.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Invited guests only.

We're with Scotty.

I'm just a woodland nymph

with five lines, so...

- Bye.

- Thank you.

Oh, hey, you made it.

Hey, yeah, I did.

Sorry to drag you by work like this

but we've been

so pressed for time

I've had very little

social life lately.

- This is work?

- Oh, yes. I do costumes.

I am the seamstress

to the semi-stars.

Cool.

But I thought maybe you'd want

to see the dress rehearsal, so

I put together some snacks.

And I brought some wine...

and beer,

because I know

you are a beer man.

Is that cool?

Yeah. That'll do.

Okay, well, let's get a seat.

Leslie!

Leslie!

We're sorry!

We're so sorry.

- It's all on us.

- Our bad, not Scott.

- Oh my God.

- Leslie Green!

- Not Galinksky!

- No, you're cool, Galinsky!

Scott didn't do anything!

So if you were planning

on hooking up or making out...

Or going all the way

or whatever...

Full speed ahead!

Thumbs up

if you can hear us.

Groovy?

Dude playing Puck,

- you are awesome!

- Great!

- Scotty, we'll see you at home.

- They gave the thumbs up, right?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Fantastic.

Again, I'm sorry

about Ryan and Mary.

Just forget about it.

I don't want to get worked up over it,

let some gut-wrenching, potentially

job-threatening embarrassment

ruin a good date.

Good date? Come on,

this is undoubtedly the best date

that I've ever been on.

Yeah, I kind of

impressed myself tonight.

Yeah. I mean, the bar

has been set ridiculously high.

I'm clearly gonna have to involve

air travel on our next date

if I even hope to top this.

Well I don't know about air travel,

but...

how do you feel

about a wedding?

Ours?

No.

Ted and Nerissa are getting

married in two weeks

and I'm the maid of honor.

And I don't have a date.

And I kind of don't think

I'm gonna meet anyone

I'm gonna want to go with

more than you before then,

so come with me.

Yeah, absolutely. Weddings

are a total turn-on for chicks.

You don't

stand a chance after that.

I like this.

- What?

- That I can tell you that I like you

and not have to worry

that I'm gonna regret it later.

No, you definitely won't.

I feel like I don't have

to play games with you.

I don't have to couch anything.

I don't even know

what couch means as a verb.

So, no,

you definitely don't have

to do that.

Leslie, time to go!

Oh, that's my ride.

I can take you home.

That's all right.

As great as this date has been,

I don't want to rush anything.

Me neither.

I'll call you.

- Okay.

- Good night.

Please, just shut up!

Hey! There's the man!

Mary, is everything okay?

Everything's fine.

Was it a good night?

It was great, after you guys

stopped shouting at us.

Oh, you did hear.

Good.

Yeah, they heard in Cucamonga.

What's with this plate?

Oh. Little accident on my part.

It's a long story.

I will replace that.

Nothing major.

Nothing major.

Were you guys fighting?

Hah! I told you,

we don't fight.

It's not our thing, buddy.

I think they're clean,

lamb chop.

I'll decide that, honeybunches.

Ryan, who were you

just yelling at to shut up?

What? No one. What?

So, Scotty, was it a good night?

- Did you tap that ass yet?

- Mary!

Aw, come on. Did you give her

the old hot beef injection?

- Mary, what the hell?

- Did you make like Sam the Butcher

- and bring Alice the meat?

- Jesus, Mary.

Mmm. This sex talk have me

heap big in the mood.

Oh, I love it

when you talk caveman.

That was, uh,

Indian, dear.

No, don't be silly.

Indian is like,

"Oh, curry in a hurry,

Mr. Curry Man."

Native American Indian.

- Oh.

- Oh.

- Geronimo.

- Mmm.

- Come here.

- Ooh!

- Good night.

- Good night.

Take me to your wigwam,

Chief.

I'm gonna trade you $27

worth of trinkets for that ass.

Hi-ya hi-ya...

Put me

on the bearskin rug!

Here's some wampum.

I got it!

Hey, Scotty Dog,

phone!

- Hello?

- Hi, Scotty Dog!

Hey, Leslie. Have you been talking

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes