Tag Page #6

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grade school.

SABLE:
She was the first girl that

Chilli and Callahan had a crush on.

When we were kids,

Cheryl was into Chilli.

Much to Callahan's chagrin.

But young love

is unpredictable.

Later that same year, she

decided she was into Callahan.

Much to Chilli's chagrin.

But she always had a place

in her heart for Chilli.

And this went on for decades.

And all of a sudden, she just

married an orthodontist.

They get all the chicks.

What?

How long has it been

since you've seen her?

About 10 years for me.

How 'bout you?

Same, I guess.

BOB:
Been a while.

CHILLI:
Sure has.

You sneaky trickster.

She looks amazing, and you know it.

Think about this.

What if Cheryl ended up getting

back together with our boy?

- Chilli?

- Callahan?

Obviously.

- Wait. What?

- Duh.

- Did you say Chilli?

- You're Team Callahan?

- Yeah!

- We've been married all this time and you think

she should end up

with Callahan?

Of course.

Wait, you think Chilli?

Wait, do you know

those guys at all?

Who are you right now?

- What?

- You're freaking me out.

I feel like I don't even know you.

You're like this foreign person.

Do you want me to be

a foreign person?

What?

Here? Right now?

Because I just got lost

on the way to bibliotheque

and I don't know where all my

other French friends are.

- Chantelle is here?

- Chantelle is here with...

Oh, my God!

Honey, it's almost 5:00.

Keep your head in the game.

You're so good.

Come on, we'll go to the

bathroom for five minutes.

All right.

- It's crazy.

- Huh.

Hey, you should go

talk with her.

- No, you should go.

- Neither of you should.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome. Neither one.

Shut up, Sable.

No, honestly,

it should be you, Bob.

No, I think she really wants

to talk to you.

'Cause I think

girls really like

depressed guys that still have

a name for their bong.

Get a good one.

This is gonna go great.

- Thank you.

- All right, good advice.

Good luck.

Tell her I said hi.

Cheryl Deakins.

Chilli Cilliano.

How'd you know it was me?

I'd know that faint smell of

sativa and Old Spice anywhere.

Yeah. I had to get

a little stoned.

I can't be sober at these things.

They're awful.

That was the wrong choice,

man.

- What?

- Neither of you should have gone,

but if one of you should have went

then it should have been you.

How many wines have you had?

How many legs

does an octopus have?

Well, eight.

I see that you've been

rejecting fashion trends

and haircuts and

maybe hygiene. I respect that.

Well, I think respect is the key to the

beginning of rebuilding a friendship.

- Is that a saying? Maybe?

- Yeah, sure. Who said that?

I don't know. I wanna hear

about this husband of yours.

What's the story? Is he still

charming, sensible, rich?

No. Dead.

Yeah, same with me.

Dead to me. Divorced.

No, I mean he's "dead" dead.

He actually died.

He's dead?

For real?

Oh...

Yeah, he died in a car crash.

We were separated already.

You already separated.

- Yeah.

- And now he's dead. He's gone.

- He's gone.

- Officially.

Act a little more

upset about it.

I know, but, anyway,

how are you? How's your life?

Great. I lost my business. Divorced.

Playing tag competitively.

Pretty much rock bottom.

- Are you trying to make me horny?

- F*** yes, I am.

- 'Cause it's happening.

- It is?

Oh, yeah.

(SIGHS)

So have you tried

the hushpuppies, or what?

What do you think

they're talking about?

I don't know, and I don't want

you to worry about it.

We've got 15 minutes.

Oh, Chilli, I think about you

all the time, Chilli.

Oh, yeah? But what about Callahan?

He's so handsome.

He's very handsome,

but he's a selfish lover.

With a small dick.

- Really? Okay.

- Plus he sobs after he comes.

Wow.

It's okay, Callahan.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Okay, you know what?

You guys are all 12-year-olds.

Oh, Chilli.

SABLE:
Hey, Cheryl,

I want to reconnect.

Oh, yeah.

- What's happening now?

- Oh, Bob!

Yeah, I'm just... Oh, I'm

just feeling the vibes.

JERRY:
I mean, who wants to

have sex with a guy named Bob?

"Oh, Bob." Just doesn't sound right.

"Oh, Bob."

- "Oh, Bob."

- "Oh, Bob."

- "Bob. Bob, Bob."

- "Oh, Robert."

"Bob."

I wasn't gonna text you,

you know?

I didn't wanna mess with you

when you were married.

No, I think that's nice.

Respectful.

If I knew he was dead, I would

have texted right away.

All right. Okay.

- No! Please don't leave on that!

- No, it's fine.

We're good, we're good. I'm just

gonna use the ladies' room.

- I'll see you later. It's nice to see you.

- Okay. It's great to see you.

You, too.

Widowed.

Cheryl Deakins.

What are you doing here?

And where are the urinals?

Probably in the men's room.

- You haven't changed a bit.

- Thank you.

- No, that was not a compliment.

- Well...

- I have matured.

- Have you? Really?

Because this old move where you

follow me into the bathroom

it's exactly what you did

at junior prom.

It was a good move then,

and it's a good move now.

- Marginally nicer bathroom.

- Hmm.

Do you wanna get a drink?

Actually, I think I'm gonna

head home.

Can I give you a ride?

- Sure.

- Great.

- Right after we have that drink.

- Oh, I see what you did there.

Okay, guys.

It's almost go time.

Is everybody in position?

Over.

Sable is in position.

(COUGHS)

- HOGAN:
Chilli!

- Yeah. Let's get him.

HOGAN:
Callahan. Callahan,

do you read me? Over.

Callahan.

Where are you, buddy?

Callahan!

We got an unguarded exit,

okay?

Hi.

(YELLS) Callahan!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

(SCREAMS) Go!

Not today, motherf***er!

Hey, thanks for coming.

Appreciate it.

Go! Go!

Come and get it, b*tches!

HOGAN:
Get in! Get in!

We're close. We're close.

- Hold on! Hold on!

- SABLE:
Go, go!

SABLE:
Go faster! Go faster!

Giddy up!

HOGAN:
We're coming for you!

(ALL YELLING)

Incoming!

No, no, no!

Go! Go!

God, I wish I had my gun here.

There are so many good birds

to shoot.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- So, this is a vacation for you?

- Yeah.

I mean some couples go on cruises.

Some couples go camping.

Some couples go to strip clubs

and have gangbangs,

and this is just what we do.

This is what we love.

This is our gangbang.

You know, it seems to me like

you'd be really good at the game.

- Why don't you play?

- Well,

They came up with the rules when

they were nine. No girls allowed.

And to be honest, I can get

a little overly aggressive

and competitive sometimes.

HOGAN:
Come on, Jerry.

You're dead meat!

Yeah!

Keep your eyes downfield!

Cut across the fourth fairway!

Don't f*** this up!

Yeah. Well.

Oh, I have to show you

pictures of our kids.

Go, go, go!

SABLE:
Hoagie, get him.

Hold on. Hold on.

Hoagie, stop!

No. Hoagie.

- What are you doing?

- I can't see!

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

(SIGHS)

- Everybody good?

- I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Well, that happened.

Onward.

- Let's get him.

- That was invigorating.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

HOGAN:
That is psychological

warfare right there.

CHILLI:
That's impressive.

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