Tag Page #8

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- Okay, fine.

- No problem.

Why didn't you say that

in the first place?

Why did you take us down

this whole road?

It looked like there was room to negotiate,

and I was all prepared to do that.

But then we went down

the whole torture track

and I dug my heels in, philosophically.

I happen to be an objector.

- We are too, obviously.

- Not really.

That was a bluff.

You know what? You should

probably not write this down

and if it does come up,

just mention that we didn't

actually waterboard him.

No waterboarding.

Just a lot of talk about

sucking each other's d*cks.

Yeah.

Okay, look, you know what?

Here.

I'm gonna give you $2,000, and

I'm gonna give you an extra

$500.

You just carry around

that kind of cash all day?

You were mentioning something

about Jerry, I think.

Yeah, Jerry is...

He's in AA.

- Wait, what?

- Yeah. Alcoholics Anonymous.

I know what it stands for. Wait, did

you guys know anything about this?

He goes there every morning

at a church on Brunswick.

Looking back,

I can kinda see it.

I mean, the first step is

recognizing you have a problem.

I'm just glad he's getting

the help he needs.

Sorry, did you say

that church is on Brunswick?

- Yes.

- Okay!

- Let's go! Clean up the water!

- Thank you!

So sorry.

I told you this wasn't gonna be just

another boring corporate profile, right?

Right.

This is definitely different.

And I know I'm no longer

the center of the story,

which is fine with me.

I don't mind giving up the...

Bob, can I buy you a drink?

Can you f***ing believe this?

Hold on one second.

- Maybe...

- One second, one second.

Hi! Hi! Wow! Look at this.

- How you doing?

- Good.

Pretty good.

Yeah, we're just catching up.

That's so nice.

How's that knee?

- It actually does hurt.

- Yeah.

But resting and talking to an old

friend has actually really helped.

Thank you for asking.

- How was the business call with Beijing?

- Super good.

- It was?

- Yeah, I got a lot done.

Great.

What, you think I faked

my business call to Beijing

like you faked

hurting your knee?

You know what, dude?

I'm sick of this sh*t, Bob.

- You're it. How 'bout that?

- No! Pass.

- You can't pass. And you can't tag back.

- You're it. I pass.

- Oh, my God.

- It's like literally the first rule.

- You're it! You're it!

- You cannot tag me back!

- I'll rewrite the f***ing rule book!

- Shut up!

Why are you acting

like children?

- 'Cause he started it.

- You started it.

- You literally started it. "My knee hurts."

- No, you started it!

What do you think

they're talking about?

Are we off the record?

Yeah, sure, sure.

No idea.

You know what?

I shouldn't have come.

Jerry always gets

in your head.

Did Jerry tell you

to say that?

You part of the whole

Truman Show of it all?

I mean, Jerry invited me

to the rehearsal dinner,

because he thought it would

distract you guys, which it did.

But I wanted to see you.

So I came.

Sure.

Oh, my God.

You guys are f***ing idiots. Both of you.

But I love you both.

I'm gonna go. Maybe I'll

see you later. Or not.

- Cheryl...

- Go get Jerry. He f***ing deserves it.

Bye, Cheryl.

HOGAN:
Wow!

What do you want?

There's gonna be plenty of

time to get rejected by Cheryl

after 12:
00 a.m. on June 1st.

So what I need you guys to focus

on, is the fact that we're a team.

Right? When we love each

other, and we love this.

Let's bask in that. Stay focused

on our mission. All right?

Let's get back

on this horse and ride.

Let's get this a**hole.

Lou, not part of it.

Not at all.

Now, shake.

Shake!

All right.

Now we got some work to do.

Got it.

Go get him, sweetie.

Okay.

Hey, do you think we should talk

to Jerry about being an alcoholic

- before we get into all this?

- No.

(SIGHS)

But now, I've been clean and

sober for almost four years.

Thanks to all of you

and that higher power. Amen?

ALL:
Amen.

Jerry, you about ready

to share?

Come on, y'all,

let's give it up for Jerry.

- My name is Jerry.

- ALL:
Hi, Jerry.

JERRY:
The slight scent of weed.

Chilli.

He thinks he's caught me

off guard.

CHILLI:
Oh, my God!

I've caught him off guard.

JERRY:

He rushes in from behind.

Idiot.

I give him a wake-up call.

CHILLI:
Hazelnut coffee? What

kind of b*tch drinks hazelnut?

Holy! Chilli! Hit me!

Get him!

HOGAN:
I'm going to trap him

and tag him in the face.

And yet, in my heart of hearts,

pretty sure it's not gonna work.

JERRY:
Hoagie's attempts to face me

fail because he lacks confidence.

Also, I think it's fair to say

I'm f***ing surgical with

these complimentary donuts.

REBECCA:
And this is why

print journalism is dying.

(HOGAN GRUNTS AND MOANS)

BOB:
Yes! This is the moment

I've been waiting for.

I'm going to be the one

who tags Jerry.

Callahan will become distracted

by his own arrogant thoughts,

which I will exploit.

This will be my victory, which makes

sense because success breeds success

Oh, God.

(BOB GROANS)

SABLE:
How come "bi-weekly" means both

twice a week and every other week?

That's mad confusing and it's

just linguistically lazy.

Oh, sh*t!

- Holy sh*t!

- Excessive.

Feeling trapped, Jerry?

No.

Nice.

HOGAN:
Holy sh*t!

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

(ALL GRUNT)

We got you, Jerry!

You're trapped!

Five hours till your wedding!

We can wait it out if you can!

(WHISTLING)

Sh*t. You know what

I just realized?

There's a lot of sacramental

wine and wafers in there.

He could survive

for quite a while.

No, he can't drink.

Yeah, but it's not real wine.

Yes, it is.

It's just grape juice.

It's not wine.

I mean, I was once so f***ed up that

I took a sh*t in my niece's crib.

Twice, if you ask

my sister-in-law.

So how long you been sober?

Oh, no, I'm not sober.

I'm high right now. I'm

just here to tag my friend.

Good luck with the sobriety, man.

That's cool. Definitely.

It's awful quiet in there.

You know what he's doing?

It's a classic ruse.

Make 'em think

there's an exit,

and that he already escaped.

Not buying it.

I buy it. I bet he has a

secret door back there.

Refrigerator turns into

an elevator.

What?

Takes the elevator down to the basement.

That's his lair.

- Different outfits, computer screens.

- What are you talking about?

- Cameras watching us.

- He's not Batman.

Told you. In there.

What's it say?

- "Eat my dick."

- "Eat my dick." Balls. Ass?

Butt.

Ice cream.

- What?

- What?

Yeah, he's taunting me. He

knows I'm lactose intolerant.

(DOOR SQUEAKS)

What is going on? Where is he?

Where is he?

(PANTING)

Jerry?

We're supposed to be getting our

wedding photos done in an hour.

What are you doing?

- Come on out, Jerry.

- Jerry, you could come out.

We're not gonna

get you, Jerry.

Babe, look, calm down.

Look, I'm sorry.

Shut up, Jerry. I can't

f***ing take this, Jerry.

She can't take it.

Come on out.

Honey, why are you playing

this game right now?

Why are you playing this game

with your friends right now?

Why is he playing

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