Talk Radio Page #5

I resent it that when I talk to|you like your producer... All right.

you treat me|like a girlfriend,

and when I talk to you like your|girlfriend, you treat me like your wife.

I'm not following the drift|of this conversation.

We work together, we|sleep together. That's it.

I didn't know when we started seeing each|other I was enrolling in a self-help course.

If I'm angry,|that's who I am.

For better or for worse, that's|what got me where I am today.

If you think it's tough on the outside,|just be thankful you weren't born me.

I've gotta be out of my mind|picking a fight with you.

You a little moody today?|Is that the problem?

Excuse me. Are you|Mr. Barry Champlaign?

Uh, maybe.

Could I have your autograph? Sure, sure.

You do a great job|on the show.

I couldn't do it without you. Thank you.

I listen to your show|all the time.

I think you're a sick,|foul-mouthed, disgusting man,

and you make people really|nauseous 365 days a year.

It just goes to show what masochists|people are, they listen 365 days a year.

I don't know why they leave your|show on the air. Let's get outta here.

Everybody I know hates it. It|makes me wanna throw my radio out.

Let's go. If you don't like|the show, why do you listen?

'Cause I'm waitin' for a better|program that's on later.

Waiting for another program? There|are 30 other shows on in Dallas.

You listen to my show|every night. Makes sense.

I feel real sorry for you, and I think|you should be ashamed of yourself.

- You're such a pathetic nerd.|- I should be ashamed?

At least I don't show up in public, half in|the bag, making an utter jerk out of myself.

You have no credibility. You|like what I do. You need me.

But you have no sense of humor, which|is why you can never enjoy the show,

which is why you're a loser, like|all people who have no sense of humor.

And you are categorically|one of them. Good-bye.

- Furthermore- - Lady, what|the hell is the matter with you?

What'd you do? What|happened to your suit? Jesus.

All right,|you're gonna be fine.

Come on. Let's go.

All of us are here for something very|important and exciting at S.M. U.,

and I think you know|what I'm talking about.

Who's ready for a new beginning?|How about Mustang football this fall?

That's what I thought.

Now|- Now, to introduce the new man in charge of football here at S.M.U.,

our own KGAB radio personality-|the man you love to love...

ladies and gentlemen,|Mr. Barry Champlaign!

Thank you. On my way|over here tonight, I...

I was finding out that...

They love me.|They really love me.

Ladies and gentlemen,|let's calm down.

A different kind of welcome|than I've ever experienced.

Barry?

Barry!

Barry.

Hello? Laura, it's Dan. Is Barry there?

Hang on a second.

It's Dan.|Hmm?

Did I wake you up?|I'm sorry.

No, I always get up ten hours|before I have to go to work.

It's Sunday, your day off|from self-loathing.

You said you didn't want Dietz breathing|down your neck, so we had a drink.

He's a sharp guy. Loves you, loves the show.|You should sit down with him, have a chat.

Is he gonna give|you orders now?

I figured you'd look at it that way,|so I set up a meeting for Sunday brunch.

What? He's got some great ideas, Bar.

The guy wouldn't know an idea|if it crawled on his kneecap.

Just hold your horses|for one minute.

Chuck and I decided before we hit national|air we should establish a few ground rules.

Ground rules? What is this, Dan?|A radio station or an airport?

Will you shut the f*** up and|listen? No, I won't listen to you.

I knew that when that corporate cannibal|came into my studio I was in trouble.

What difference does it make|to you? It's just a show, right?

Are you saying I don't care? Nobody cares|more than I do. I don't wanna hear it.

I'm gonna come in tomorrow night, I'm|gonna do the same show I do every night.

And blow the deal.|If it means that, yes.

I do my show, or I don't|do a show. Good-bye.

You f...

I gotta take a piss.

Hello?|Is Barry there?

Who's calling, please? Look, I'm|in a rush. Could you just get Barry?

Barry, phone again!|It's a woman!

Get her number. I'll call|her back. He'll call you back.

It's a pay phone. I can't|call you back. Who is this?

Look, just tell Barry|it's his ex-wife. Huh!

It's a pay phone. She can't you|call back. It's your ex-wife.

Sh*t.

Give me that. Ellen, hi. I'm|down at the airport. Remember?

What airport? Dallas. What|do you think? It's Sunday.

You told me to be here.|Uh, well, great.

Are you too busy,|or are you coming to get me?

Yeah. No, I'm not busy.|I'm just doing some work here.

Who answered the phone? I|thought you said you were alone.

It's just my secretary. Look,|Ellen, what airline are you on?

American Airlines.|Maybe I should just leave.

No, you stay there. I'll|see you in 20 minutes, okay?

You better be here. Yeah,|I'll see you in 20 minutes.

Are you allright? I'm fine.|I'll see you in 20 minutes.

Okay. See ya. Bye.

I gotta get her now.

Where are my shoes?

What?|Don't give me that look.

Hey.

Hey, come here. She wants to|be here for the national show.

What am I supposed to do?|Say no? Huh?

What did Dan want?

Wants me to come in|and kiss Dietz's ass.

I told him|to kiss my microphone.

Look, uh...

Can you clean up around here|a bit before you go? Huh?

Where's my shoes?

I'll call you later,|okay?

You look nice.|Thanks.

You look great.|You look good too.

Except for my wrinkled clothes. Except for|- I miss you, so what?

So what have you been doing? I hate when|you call me in the middle of the night.

Lou is so pissed off at me,|I had a fight.

I had a fight at the end of this|with Lou. You're too good for Lou.

Don't start, Barry.|Barry, don't start.

You been going to a health|club? You're such a jerk.

Excuse me? You been going to|a health club or something?

Why?|You look dynamite.

I left you. I look|dynamite 'cause I left you.

Jesus. I spend time,|a little, on my own self.

I'm working too. I'm not|at someone's beck and call.

Ellen this, Ellen that.|I want this, I want that.

I may not have worked for you|- You just have to bring him food. Is that basically it?

Don't start. "Bring me|another plate of spaghetti. "

You're such|a troublemaker.

Why doesn't he go to the health|club? Probably can't fit in the door.

He does. Barry!

Hey, I have no bad feelings|about Lou.

I'm glad he's so lucky.

You know, I'm glad that somebody's|treating you nice for a change.

I have some time for myself.|It's kinda, you know, it's...

When I was with you, I spent|so much time taking care of you,

and Lou sometimes|even takes care of me.

Um...

I don't know.|It's a different lifestyle.

You're like a carnival,

and he's more like|homogenized milk.

Why are you staring at me?

I miss you.

I miss you too.

What's this hold|you have on me?

Love.

I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to|say stuff like that. I forgot.

Barry, what do you want me to|do? Fall in love with you again?

Is that what this is about? I|don't want you doing anything.

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