Ted 2 Page #11

Hello?

Johnny. Johnny, it's me.

You got to help me.

Ted, where are you?

Dude, we've been looking everywhere for you.

I'm at Comic Con.

But, John, it's Donny. He's here.

He's after me.

You got to get over here.

What the f***?

Did you just say Donny?

- John, what's going on?

- Yes, it's him! He's...

Oh, sh*t!

Ted! Ted, hello?

What's the matter?

Oh, my God. Dj vu.

We got to get to Comic Con.

Come on!

Get out of the way!

You know,

I really love that Neil Diamond,

especially that song they sing

at the, uh...

At the Red Sox games.

It's just so infectious.

You just can't help

but sing along.

Hands

Touching hands

Reaching out

Touching me

Touching you

Sweet Caroline

Ba, ba-ba!

F***!

Crazy son of a b*tch!

Hey!

What are you doing to that bear?

I'm sorry. I, uh...

You better be planning

on buying that.

He just reminds me of when I was a kid.

Yeah, that's great.

Forty dollars.

Okay.

I have $40 here.

You see him anywhere?

No. Let's try in there.

Hi. Have any of you guys

seen a talking teddy bear run through here?

Shh! They're about to announce

the new Superman.

The new Superman is...

Jonah Hill!

F***!

Who's Superman?

What?

I'm just kidding.

I'm f***ing with you.

Come on.

And if that

is not big enough news,

Hasbro will be unveiling

a brand-new line...

of Transformers merchandise

next fall.

Yeah. Yeah.

- We've got a brand-new line of Decepticons...

- Hey!

That is gonna be...

Fresh cakes.

Fresh cakes.

Fresh cakes.

Comic Con fans, let's take a look at this

thrilling sizzle reel...

with all

of our exciting new toys.

Take a look.

Come on. There's

an empty supply room downstairs.

Is that him? Yeah, there was an issue,

so he's unconscious now,

but yeah, this is him.

Jesus!

Why did you bring him here?

I've been following him around

since yesterday.

This was the only chance

I could get him alone.

I had to move fast.

Hey, Ted!

Is that you?

Yeah, he had

a little too much to drink.

He puked a pile of cotton

all over this little girl in a stroller,

so we're gonna take him back

and sober him up.

Aw, rock on, Ted.

Eff, yeah.

Hey, guys, be careful out there.

Some nerd spilled his lunch.

Hey, watch that floor.

Comes up fast, man.

Hey, Johnny.

Guy?

Man, it's a goddamn party

here today.

Hey, I remember you

from the wedding.

You get a nose job?

No.

Yes, you did, you f***in' liar.

- Hey, we just ran into your buddy Ted.

- Ted? Where is he?

He got a little wasted, so these two

dudes took him out back to sober up.

- Did you see which way they went?

- Yeah, yeah.

Back hallway,

past the photo booth.

Come on!

Thirsty, Urkel?

F***in' love this place.

What the f***?

What the f***'s going on here?

- Who the hell are you?

- He really is extraordinary, isn't he?

You son of a b*tch.

This is kidnapping.

No, it's not.

Kidnapping only applies

to people.

And you, Ted, you're property.

Yeah, so is

that f***ing hairpiece!

What do you say there?

Happy face.

- Right there.

- "Death to Ming." Yeah.

Come on. All right.

Happy guy.

Right there. "Death to Ming."

Good, yeah.

Hey, Bennett!

Oh, sh*t.

You messed up my car.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Look, Sam, this is a really bad time, all right?

Something happened to Ted.

But it was a good time

for you to vandalize my Chrysler though.

Hey, f*** your Chrysler!

Holy sh*t!

Look, Donny. Donny!

You don't wanna do this.

Okay? Think about

what happened at Fenway.

You remember?

You cut me open, that's it.

I'm gone, dead.

Just a regular old teddy bear.

I won't be any fun then,

will I?

This isn't about you, Ted.

You're only one bear.

We're gonna figure out

what makes you real,

and then we're gonna

make millions of Teds...

One for every child

in the world.

One for me.

One that loves me

just as much as you love John.

Look, Donny,

I can never love you.

God, that sounds f***ed up.

Listen, I don't wanna die.

Okay? So what if I gave

you a hand job outside your pants...

while you ate an ice cream?

I'll give you a minute.

Come here!

Hey, check it out.

Nerd fight.

Yeah!

Whoo!

Come here.

Yeah!

Come on.

I'll see you in heaven, Ted.

Ted!

Johnny!

Who the hell are you?

Get away from him,

you bastard!

- Ted, you okay, buddy?

- Johnny, thank God!

- I'm out.

- Wait, Mr. Jessup, please don't go.

- Come on. We can still do this.

- You're on your own, Danny.

I can't be implicated

in any of this.

- Wait, wait, wait. Who are you?

- I work for Mattel.

You piece of sh*t.

Killing him at Fenway Park

wasn't enough for you, huh?

Huh?

What do you wanna do now?

You don't deserve him, John.

You never did.

You never did!

I've been wanting to do this

for a long time.

Aha! I f***ing knew it.

Come on.

Listen, Johnny, I wanna

tell you how sorry I am.

Oh, no, forget it, buddy.

Look, Teddy, you were upset,

and I shouldn't have brushed it off.

I'm so sorry.

No, listen to me.

Just listen to me.

You too, Sam.

I acted like an a**hole.

All right? I was just hurting

'cause I knew I'd lost.

And that, in the eyes of the world,

I'll always be property.

But you know what?

Who gives a sh*t?

Right? It doesn't matter

what the world calls me.

I know who I am.

And that's all that's important.

And I know

who my friends are.

And honest to God,

if you two wanna be together,

nothing would make me happier.

Oh, buddy, I love you for that.

Thanks, Ted.

That means a lot.

And for what it's worth,

as far as I'm concerned,

you're a person.

As much as anybody

I've ever known.

Aw, Sam, that means the world coming

from someone who went to Arizona State.

Ted!

Holy sh*t! Johnny!

Oh, my God. John!

Johnny!

- Aw, Jesus!

- Are you okay?

- Johnny, you all right?

- Sh*t.

John, hey.

Oh, my God.

- Jesus, what happened here?

- The rocket ship hit him.

Jesus Christ, that's

the starship Enterprise.

Forget it.

Somebody call 911!

Johnny? John, come on.

Stay with me, pal.

We need an ambulance

at 655 West 34th.

- How the hell did it fall?

- I don't know!

It was him!

The guy dressed like the Ninja Turtle!

- Which one?

- All right.

Two can play this Where's Waldo? sh*t,

you son of a b*tch.

Sam, give me your phone.

I think we're alone now

There doesn't seem to be

anyone around

I think we're alone now

- That's him.

- The beating of our hearts

Is the only sound

Get off me!

Get off me!

Johnny?

Johnny, come on.

Johnny, you gotta wake up, pal.

Johnny, wake up!

Wake up, Johnny.

Johnny...

Johnny, wake up!

Johnny, wake up.

Hi. How is he?

Is he gonna come out of it?

I don't know, Ms. Jackson.

We've done everything we can,

and it's all up to him now.

John, please wake up.

- Somebody help!

- Oh, my God, John.

- John? Johnny?

- Hello?

There's something happening.

Mr. Bennett?

- Something's wrong.

- What's happening to him?

- Mr. Bennett?

- John?

We have a Code Blue in Room 134!

- What does that mean?

- I'm sorry. You have to wait outside.

- What the hell's going on?

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