Telling the Story of Us Page #3

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...in peace.

-Do you have Sweet'N Low?

-Is Equal okay?

Whatever.

I've always felt no matter what

we were going through...

...no matter how painful things got...

...if our feet found each other

under the blankets...

...even just the slightest

connection...

...it'd tell us we'd entered

the demilitarized zone...

...that we were gonna be okay,

that we were still an "us."

There are some hurts that you

never completely get over.

And you think that time will diminish

their presence...

...and to a degree it does...

...but it still hurts,

because, well...

...hurt hurts.

If you lose your room key...

...contact the front desk.

And if you've got valuables,

keep them in the hotel safe.

It's complimentary.

For family dining,

how about a pizza poolside...

...from our Wolfgang Puck Caf?

Then it's a quick walk to

the Santa Monica Pier and beach.

When the kids are acting up,

the waves will set them straight.

The Patriot is proof positive...

...that missile defense works.

As we've been taught

by Saddam Hussein....

Something about how that man says

"Saddam" makes me want you even more.

Oh, my God!

-The tooth fairy.

-Where?

Josh's tooth. We forgot to put

money under his pillow.

Josh is asleep. I'm sure

this can wait a few minutes.

No, no, baby, we might forget later.

Who goes?

Rock, paper, scissors!

Sh*t!

Mr. President, I'm entrusting you

with my soon-to-be-naked wife.

Take care of her, the country.

My love to Barbara.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back!

Everything that's important in

the world is in this bed right now.

I love you.

I love you.

Hi. You've reached the home

of Jordan, Jordan, Jordan and Jordan.

Nary a Jordan is present now.

If you wanna leave a message

for Katie, Ben, Josh or Erin...

...what better time than....

Hi, it's me.

I'm just calling to see

how the kids are doing.

See if you got any post cards

from them.

Anything comes up,

you can give me a call.

Bye-bye.

Listen, I just got your message.

I was in the shower when you called.

The kids seem to be doing really well.

I just put the post cards

in an envelope.

You should be getting them tomorrow.

Good.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm okay. You okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Bye.

Bye.

It's me.

How are you?

I'm good. Yeah, really good.

Good.

What's up?

What's up?

I was thinking about the upstairs

bathroom, and I wanted to remind you...

...to schedule that guy

to recaulk the tub.

I've already done it.

Well.

Good.

Then...

...bye.

Bye.

I'm calling to see if you remember

the name of that tree surgeon we used.

Joey Bishop.

Yeah, but no.

-But it was one of those Rat Pack guys.

-Right.

Frank Sinatra?

Dean Martin?

Sammy Davis Jr.?

That's it! Joey Davis Jr.

Joey Davis Jr., the tree surgeon.

I can still see the sign

on that blue truck of his.

Right. Okay, thanks.

Bye.

Listen, your shirts came back

from the cleaners.

Cool. I'll come by and get them.

I can drop them off.

It's fine. I'll be happy

to come and get them.

What would be a good time?

I don't know....

Why don't you come over tomorrow?

I'll be home by 7.

You can stay for dinner.

You sure?

No.

See you tomorrow.

You look like...

...like you.

You too.

I guess I could stand on the porch

all night. I've seen the house.

How many times have we said,

"We should use this porch more often"?

Come in. My house is

literally your house.

Thank you.

-There's my dry cleaning.

-Yeah, I left it out for you.

Good. I'll remember

to take it with me.

Because I could put it

in the closet, but I--

That is perfect

dry cleaning placement.

-You want a drink?

-You want something--?

Want some wine?

I think I remember where it is.

-If memory serves, you like red wine.

-Right.

Yeah, it's all coming back to me.

Wine is breathing a lot better

than I am.

You'll never believe

what I did last night.

I attempted to do

one of your crosswords.

I have a question.

What was 3 down?

Just couldn't get it.

Four letters, "Feeling of

psychological discomfort."

"Blah."

Blah.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Was this always here?

No, I bought it last week.

Any other new appliances

I should know about?

Well, as long as we're

spilling our guts here...

...I also got this new garlic press.

The body's not even cold,

and she's out buying garlic presses.

How do you think the kids are?

From the cards,

it sounds like they're good.

I think Erin misses us,

but she's okay.

Yeah. She seems okay.

You think she's okay?

I think she's okay.

Because I think she senses

that we're not okay...

...and Parents' Weekend is coming.

We'll just have to give her...

...a lot of extra attention...

...and really love her up.

Should we eat?

Yeah, I could eat.

This is really good.

Thanks.

High/Low?

Sure.

Your high?

Honestly?

Right now.

And your low?

Every minute of the last two weeks.

How about you?

My high would have to be the Cuisinart

because I wanted it ever so badly.

And your low?

The garlic press. It's not nearly

as handy as I thought it'd be.

I lay myself open, and you mock me

with kitchenware.

All the while making me

more attractive to you.

Is that your intention?

I'm not sure.

It's working.

It looks like I haven't been

doing too much reading.

Okay, I'm ready. How about you?

-I....

-What?

Come on. Remember

what Dr. Tischner said:

"If you had it once,

you can always get it back."

Was that Dr. Tischner

or was that Dr. Hopkins?

The one with the sibilant "S."

Right.

Wrong. It was a lateral lisp.

Sex is simply a symbolic expression...

...of the emotional status

of a relationship.

Sustained lack of sex is

symptomatic of disassociation.

No, the one with the lateral lisp

was Dr. Rifkin.

Dr. Hopkins was the one with the

Rorschach birthmark on his forehead.

It looked like California. How could

you pay attention to what he said?

This cycle of closeness,

then estrangement...

...you've both told me about...

...what instigates it?

First thing that comes to your mind.

-Sacramento.

-Governor Gray Davis.

My personal favorite was the Freudian

with the prostate problem.

When two people go to bed...

...there are actually six people

in that bed.

If you'll excuse me.

Are we allowed to talk when he's gone?

I don't know.

What do you think?

To be on the safe side,

maybe we better not.

The six people in bed are

the two of you...

...and your parents

and your parents.

Now, the key is....

Will you excuse me, please?

He charged us for the full session.

The man was peeing on our time!

All that therapy was

a waste of time and money.

Where did all that therapy

really get us?

It got us here,

laughing about it.

-He's right.

-Once it's broken, it can't be fixed.

-I don't know.

-The queen has spoken.

-Maybe it's too soon.

-What are you talking about?

The whole point of having a fight is

playing "hide the salami" afterwards.

Let hard times bring you together.

Nobody said it'd be easy.

Can't hard times bring us together?

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