Telling the Story of Us Page #4

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Nobody said it'd be easy.

Like the Andrews Sisters.

After "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" ...

...before "Don't Sit

Under the Apple Tree."

Big career slump there.

Like the Andrews Sisters before

"Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree."

The Andrews Sisters?

They didn't stop

because of a few flops.

They hung in there.

The rest is history.

Don't sit under the apple tree

Why are you bringing up

the Andrews Sisters now?

-You're singing!

-It's an example.

They're in trouble,

and you're singing?

Dot, put out once in a while.

Your face won't be so tight.

Slut.

I don't know what their career slump

has to do with our marital problems.

What should we do?

Make matters worse by dwelling

on every little thing all our lives?

Is that what you think I do?

-You're a child.

-I just dwell on everything?

You're a 72-year-old infant!

There are real problems that we

haven't even begun to deal with.

Don't you think I know that?

What happened to you?

What happened to that fun girl

with the pith helmet?

You don't think I ask myself

that every day?

You beat her out of me!

There's no room here for her!

You think it's all fun and games.

So it's my fault you hang on

to every little thing!

It's my fault you can't

let go of anything!

It's my fault you turned

into your mother?!

F*** you!

-I still think that there's a chance--

-Ben, you love who we were.

You couldn't possibly love

what we've become.

I think I spotted us

at dinner tonight.

We can't stay together

just because we...

...get a glimpse of "us"

every once in a while.

It was less than 1 5 minutes ago.

All we proved is, if we're apart

for weeks at a time...

...we might get through a dinner.

That's not a marriage.

It's over.

A book about your grandmother?

Yeah. She was an extraordinary woman.

I'm sure she was.

Did she f*** a President?

No. Did she discover uranium?

A cure for cancer?

Nothing like that?

Why would anybody wanna read

a book about her?

She was 4'9" . She emigrated

from Europe as a little girl.

She worked in a sweatshop making

buttonholes 14 hours a day and yet...

...raised five kids and stayed married

to the same man for 57 years.

Dave, this will be the greatest

love story ever told.

Let me explain something to you.

Not as your agent.

This is as a friend.

Come here.

You see all these people?

They're getting into buildings.

They're driving cars.

They're crossing the street.

They're walking around.

Every single one of these people...

...is going to die someday...

...and they all know it.

Which is why...

...they regard the time they have

on this planet as precious.

There are things that take up

that time...

...even if they don't enjoy it.

They have to go to work.

They have to get dressed,

wait in lines...

...clean yards, get batteries.

They visit the eye doctor.

They're doing all these things.

Now, add that to the time they spend

sleeping and eating...

...and washing up and voting...

...and buying gifts for people

they don't like, and you see...

...why they're so choosy about

how they spend their leisure time.

You can understand why

unless she went down on somebody...

...really interesting, they won't

waste their valuable time...

...reading a book about

your f***ing grandmother!

So if I read you right,

you don't like the idea.

It's not that.

You know, I find the Ariana

much more fragrant than the Raphaela.

I'll keep that in mind.

-How you doing?

-Fine.

I never got a chance to thank you

for holding the camp bus.

Anytime you need a bus held,

I am your guy.

-Erin's teeth are looking good.

-Thanks to you.

I hope she remembers to wear

her retainer.

You know how kids are at camp.

The minute my Kevin gets off that bus,

it's "Goodbye, biteplate."

Is that for you?

When Deirdre and I divorced,

I decided to learn how to cook.

The Wok-y World of Thai Cooking?

I'm branching out.

I'm taking a Thai cooking course

this summer.

Really? I've always been interested

in Asian cooking.

Really?

Why don't you join me?

When I think about it...

...over the years there were

less and less moments...

...in the course of the day...

...when Ben and I actually made

real eye contact.

You are not gonna believe

what happened.

-What?

-He's almost asleep.

Maybe it was the stuff of life.

Who's taking Erin to school?

Who will pick up Josh

from his clarinet lessons?

After a while, there was

a disturbing comfort...

...in not having to deal

with each other...

...because somehow you just

get used to the disconnection.

Even at night, when we could finally

come together, we faced forward.

Yeah, we were tired,

but I think we were afraid...

...that if we faced each other,

there'd be nothing there.

We're learning Mee Krob next week.

Mee Krob.

I'll let you know.

I'll call you. Oh, you call me.

When we drove to the camp

for Parents' Weekend...

...I was scared to face the kids.

You'd talk about it with a best friend.

But Katie had been my best friend.

Now I didn't know what we were,

except Josh and Erin's parents.

What?

Nothing.

--is nothing?

This is not going to be easy.

The kids do not need to be burdened

with our problems.

They have half a summer left.

Like my plan was to burden

the kids with our problems.

Jesus Christ, will you give me

some f***ing credit?

I missed you.

I missed you so much.

I missed you both so much.

Dad, pull yourself together.

Dad, get off of me!

You guys both look terrific!

Show us your bunks.

I wanna see your bunks too.

Did you get your favorite room?

The Acorn Cabin?

Yeah, we did.

We got the Acorn Cabin.

God, I hate lying to them.

Me too. We're not even good at it.

Even if we were good at it,

they'd still know.

What is that?

What's what?

-The thing you just put in your mouth.

-It's my biteplate.

-Biteplate?

-Yeah. It's my biteplate.

-Why do you have a biteplate?

-For my bite.

What's wrong with your bite?

It's askew.

Askew?

Yes, it's askew.

So this would be an attempt

to de-skew it?

You order room service?

-What's the matter?

-Nothing. I'm okay.

Honey, are you okay?

I'm okay. I'm fine.

I couldn't sleep, so

I snuck out after lights out.

I just wanted to sleep

with you guys.

It's okay. I'll call the camp

and let them know you're here.

Why is the bed made up on the couch?

Daddy was doing a little reading,

and I didn't wanna wake Mommy up.

Sometimes you just can't

climb out of the abyss.

I thought of last summer,

when we still hoped...

...that if we put ourselves

in some idyllic setting...

...we'd somehow get rid

of all the tension...

...jump-start our marriage...

...and rediscover why we fell in love

in the first place.

So last year,

after Parents' Weekend...

...we thought maybe

in a trattoria in Venice...

...looking at a beautiful sunset,

next to a bottle of Chianti...

...we just might find a set

of jumper cables.

How you doing?

Two Italian ices, please.

Honey, you don't have to say Italian.

We're here. They know.

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