Telstar: The Joe Meek Story Page #6

and I can't believe I'm playing with them.

And other times... I wish I didn't have to.

Oh, you don't mean that!

Joe, they don't like me.

I mean what if...people... what if they just don't like me?

Confidence, that's all you need!

Come 'ere.

You are on tour with two rock and roll greats cos you've got talent.

I'm not wrong about that.

Now, I was going to keep this as a surprise

but just to help your confidence, I'm going to tell you now.

I have got two,

maybe three, TV slots lined up for you when your record comes out.

- You're joking.

- No.

- I'm going to be on the telly?

- Yeah.

Bloody Nora!

Now, I hope you've been watching those two

and learning something cos pretty soon you're going to be in everyone's front room

and you BETTER be ready for that, my lad.

Now, that's Marty Wilde. See the way he does it?

I want you for my own...

THAT'S what it's got to be like.

See the way he twitches his head?

That's pure rock and roll.

There's always someone beside you

Yes, there's always someone in your arms

Little baby

If only I had known...

That was breathtaking. You carry on like that,

forget Gene and Jerry, you'll be bigger than Presley!

- That's silly.

- And I'm working on a big hit for you,

your very own Telstar cos you're going to be a big star.

You're my golden boy.

Well, be bop a Lula she's my baby

Be bop a Lula I don't mean maybe

Be bop a Lula she's my baby doll

My baby doll, my baby doll

Well, she's the gal in the red blue jeans

She's the queen of all the teens...

I think my friend will like this one.

It's a much stronger aura, don't you think?

She's the girl that loves me so

Be bop a Lula she's my baby

Be bop a Lula I don't mean maybe...

HEAVY BREATHING AND PANTING

Excuse me, miss. My, what a pretty ranch you have here.

I'm Gene Vincent. You may have heard of me on your wireless. I'm travelling with my band here

and I wondered if we might make use of your splendid-looking water closet.

He means khazi.

- Mate, I've got to go first - I'm poking a hole through me trousers.

- What?

F***'s sake.

- Here comes Bean Boy.

- He'll be in there half an hour.

He's going to stink the place out.

I only wanted a slash.

Hey, boys - watch this.

Oi, gormless - they've gone without you!

- What?

- Have that!

Do you like, Chas?

HEINZ GIGGLES MANICALLY

- Do you want some coffee, Gene?

- No thanks, kid.

- Proper stuff.

GIGGLES:

HE LAUGHS:

Every bloody time.

- It's not funny.

- It's quite funny.

CHAS LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

You wanker!

Excuse me, love.

Have you got any more eggs?

I'm beginning to see the light, now

I need you day and night, now

Whoa, whoa, don't let go

Temptation, baby

When I see you struttin' by

You're makin' me feel so good now...

- What d'you say, Lightbulb?

- F*** off!

THEY LAUGH:

- You wanker!

- F*** off!

- See you later, Lightbulb.

- Bastard!

F***ing ha f***ing ha!

Oi, you fat bastard!

- Oh, my...

- F***ing yes!

F***ing bastards!

Where did you learn to pitch like that?

I was always good at cricket!

When I see you struttin' by...

HORN BLARES:

Ho-wow, I love you so

Temptation baby...

- LOUD BANG

- What's that?

That fat nutter's throwing bricks at the bus!

Get out of here quick!

He's getting closer! Put your foot down!

Oh, never mind that, here's the bizzies! Slow down!

Temptation baby

Say wo-oh-wo-oh

Temptation baby

Say wo-oh-wo-oh

Temptation baby.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There's a lad Tom downstairs. I think you'll like him,

he has a very distinctive voice and he's very striking.

- Don't you ever knock?

- Sorry.

- You're late.

- Sorry.

- Shall I bring him up?

- Who?

Tom, the lad from Wales I just told you about.

- No, send him home, I'm busy.

- He's come such a long way.

He'll know the way back then, won't he? I'm running a business, Geoff, not a dating agency.

- I didn't think it would upset you.

- It hasn't upset me, I'm just busy.

I suppose I could've brought him to the seance this evening.

Ah, yes, the seance. Listen, Geoff,

- I'm going to Wolverhampton tonight for Heinz's gig.

- Oh.

And Lionel's going to be driving me. But speaking of Heinz,

how's that new big hit for him, how's it coming on?

- I've had some ideas.

- Mm.

- I thought perhaps another tribute song.

- But not Buddy Holly this time, maybe Eddie Cochran.

- When can I hear it?

I've not started it...yet.

But I have got you something.

Geoff, we're supposed to be working.

- It's our anniversary.

- Pardon?

We've been writing together for 18 months.

- It was yesterday that I realised.

- Not even engraved.

- No.

I only realised yesterday. I didn't have time.

Men.

I hold in my hand a piece of paper.

Unlike Mr Chamberlain's,

this is a summons to appear in the Chippenham Magistrates Court.

- Do we get top billing?

- THEY SNICKER

We could all do without your vulgar musical turns, Mr Hodges.

BILLY SNICKERS:

So, dreadful clerical mistake

or am I owed some sort of explanation?

- It was his idea.

- You dirty f***ing sneak.

The court is now in session.

Judge Wignall presiding. All stand.

You don't get half bored sat in the back of a van.

Well, perhaps a book would've been less disruptive.

- Rude, though.

- Sorry?

Sat there in a van, reading.

It's like your ignoring your mates.

A unique sociological observation

but a rather feeble excuse, Mr Blackmore.

The court will call Mr Richard Miles.

Should we receive a hefty fine, it shall be met by your wages.

Were I on the bench, I'd have you flogged.

Please take the Bible in your right hand and read from the card.

And who started this silly game?

- Vincent.

- Chas, a word?

Gene Vincent, for God's sake, don't mention him when you get up there.

- Lightbulb, f***ing Lightbulb.

- What?!

Is it a f***ing joke? You do not take the piss out of my top act.

CHAS GROANS:

I'm really sorry. But just hear my side.

Quickly.

I'll make a few jokes and, no pun intended, defuse the situation.

I'd rather risk a slap from Mr Osram there than a face full of stitches.

- PROSECUTOR:

- Were you aware of who did this to you?

- All right.

I've got a joke for you.

What do you get if you cross Joe Meek?

Fired.

Yes, there.

Fair enough. It won't happen again.

Dear God.

Gene Vincent was in an uninsured van,

attacking the residents of Shrewsbury.

It's not our job to get insurance, we're the f***ing passengers!

- Shut it!

- Silence in court!

- CHAS:

- Oh, me balls.

If you weren't so tight-fisted, I wouldn't have to penny pinch and the van would've been insured.

Well, that of course is of no help.

And while we're on the subject of fiduciary matters,

I am somewhat concerned about the amount being spent on Heinz.

- Photo shoots and posters and clothes and...

- That boy!

He's the only one of you pigs that don't want anything from me.

MUSIC:
"Just Like Eddie" by Heinz And The Saints

Woo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Woo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Whenever I'm sad Whenever I'm blue

Whenever my troubles are heavy

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