Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny Page #3

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No!

Aaah!

- Ohhh!

- Aaah!

Who are you?

Here's your lunch, pumpkin.

Thanks, Mom.

Oh! Mwah!

I love you, pumpkin.

- Hey, pumpkin!

- Ha ha ha!

Hah! What's with the hat, dude?

Your mom sew that for you?

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

- Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

- Oh, my God!

Your mom shine that for you

when you go to bed?

- Cue ball!

- Science experiment gone wrong!

- Freakazoid!

- Ha ha ha!

I'm f***ing outta here.

Don't walk away from me!

I f***ing cleaned your apartment, man.

What are you doin'?

Why are you packing?

I have to go back to my mom and dad's.

I'm broke.

I already spent the last rent check.

Oh, you f***ing dick!

What'd you spend the money on? Huh?

An official professor bullshit degree?

What'd you spend the rent on?

I got that for you.

Stop packing, dude.

We're gonna pay the rent...

with our rock.

- We are?

- Yeah.

But we're not gonna be called

the Kyle Gass Project.

From now on...

we will be known as Tenac.

Tenac?

What's that?

Lt's a sign.

A legacy.

I've had this birthmark since I was born.

I looked it up in the dictionary.

It's not in there.

I never knew what the hell it meant.

Till now.

It's the name of our f***in' band, dude.

I have ass-mark too.

You guys!

Look!

## Whoa! ##

## They must pay the rent ##

## With their rock ##

## Oh-ohhhh, oh, oh ##

But thaaaaat's my life.

All right.

Neil Hamburger,

everybody, Neil Hamburger.

Funny stuff.

Uh, the next band

asked me to read this.

"Since the beginning of time...

"'twas written in the stones

that one day, a band would come.

"Well, that band has come...

"and now they're here

to come again...

"in your ear-pussies."

Ladies and gentlemen,

Tenacious D.

That was awesome,

the way you read that.

Kage. Kage?

Don't forget

to f***ing bring the thunder.

- OK.

- Hey, what's up?

- OK.

- Hey, what's up?

We're Tenacious D

and this is our first concert ever...

so it's kinda historical.

And, um, we wrote this song that

gives you a little taste...

of, like, the history of the band.

Let's f***ing do it, Kage, go!

This is a song called

The History Of Tenacious D.

And it's not just

a list of bullshit...

that we've done in the past.

It's a chronicling of our rise.

To power!

## We ride with kings

on mighty steeds ##

## Across the Devil's plain ##

## We've walked

with Jesus and his cross ##

## He did not die in vain ##

## No! ##

## We've run with wolves,

we've climbed K2 ##

## We even stopped a moving train ##

## We've traveled through

space and time, my friends ##

## To rock this house again ##

## Rock! ##

## We ride and we ride

we'll never subside ##

## We'll ride

till the planets collide ##

## And if you say that

we do not ride ##

## I'll tan your f***ing hide ##

## Ride! ##

## Kyle's fingers be silver ##

## Jack's voice then be gold ##

## But lest you think we're vain ##

## We know you're all robots

and we don't care ##

## Tenacious D ##

## We reign! ##

## We reign ##

## Supreme, oh God! ##

## Burrito supreme ##

## And a chicken supreme ##

## And a Cutlass Supreme ##

## Supreme, yeah ##

## Gonna count one, two, three ##

## Supreme, yeah ##

## Gonna count one, two, three ##

## Supre... ee... eme ##

## Gonna count one, two, three ##

## Burrito supreme ##

## And a chicken supreme ##

## And a Cutlass Supreme ##

## Supreme! ##

Yeah!

Let's go!

Ha ha ha!

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

You guys, wait for me outside.

I'm gonna go talk to the big cheese.

Good call.

So?

What'd you think?

Lt was OK.

- It was OK?

- Mm-hm.

You were OK. We were kick-ass.

And we're gonna totally win

that money next week...

at the open mic contest.

Well, good luck.

You know there's a lot

of stiff competition, so...

you might wanna think about

writing some new material.

That was amazing. You guys

changed people's lives tonight.

I know, we were so awesome.

Yeah, it was awesome.

Compared to bullshit.

But compared to the greats?

To Zeppelin? To the Beatles?

To f***ing Beethoven?

True. We were kick-ass.

But if the D's gonna

win that prize money...

we're gonna have to write

a f***ing masterpiece!

Are you with me?

Totally.

Power hug.

Masterpiece.

## A masterpiece, a masterpiece ##

## They've got to write a masterpiece

to pay the rent ##

Do it!

All right,

no more f***ing around.

Masterpiece is right in there.

All we have to do is step

into that magic circle...

and the masterpiece is ours.

Are you ready?

Are you ready

to write a f***ing masterpiece?

- 'Cause I sure the f*** am.

- Yeah!

Let's go!

What are you doing?

Go. Go. Play something.

Go fast. The magic only lasts a second.

No, don't play fast.

I said start fast.

But keep going, yes.

Try to make it prettier.

Prettier, prettier. Prettier.

Stop judging yourself,

you're judging yourself.

That's why that riff sucks.

No f***ing mental blocks.

Release the...

## Chi ##

That's all right.

Now, can you play a little

higher, higher, higher up?

Higher notes, higher notes,

higher notes, higher notes.

Higher notes, higher notes,

can you play any higher notes?

Sorry, I didn't mean to yell.

I'm not looking for anything specific...

but that's definitely

the wrong part of the cosmos.

I want it over here, in the

newer, hotter part. Like...

## Molten lava! ##

## That's the thing,

keep playing that riff ##

## Because we gotta

get it on tonight, aah ##

What are you doing?

Were we recording?

Press record. Press record.

Oh, God damn it, it's too late!

- Aah. Fu...

- God damn it, Kyle, we had it.

We were right there in it

and you were too slow.

You didn't remember to do sh*t,

you didn't do what I told you...

and things got crossed,

chakras were f***ing exploded.

If we're gonna do this thing right...

you gotta do what I tell you to do!

Daaah! Fa-gaah!

I wanna write a masterpiece.

I know, dude. So do I.

It's all right.

We've got writers' block,

it happens to the best of 'em.

I mean, look at these guys.

AC/DC. Van Halen.

The Who!

Why are you guys so awesome?

What do you have

that we don't have?

Well, they all use

the same guitar pick.

What?

Looks like they all use

the same guitar pick.

Holy shitballs.

Too many picks.

Let's see.

I don't think they have it.

Let's talk to the dude. We might

have to special order it.

Marcus, I need a price check

on Ernie Ball amp caster stat.

Just be a second.

Can I help you gentlemen?

Yeah, we're looking for

a guitar pick like this one.

How'd you hear about this?

What did Papardello tell you?

Uh... Ahem. We just noticed

that all these musicians...

are using the same guitar pick...

Okay ka-ssh!

Jerry, do me a favor, uh, ring up

these amp casters for me.

Thank you, my man.

In here.

We can talk in here.

What you seek...

is the Pick...

of Destiny.

I think there's

a light switch back here.

No, dude, you don't...

Grab a seat.

You two bozos

don't even realize it...

but you just stumbled onto...

the darkest secret

in the history of rock.

Go on.

I actually saw it once.

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