Tenure Page #6

I'm not a stalker, okay?

So, we meet

in a public place,

So there are

no safety issues.

It's a long story,

But it would really

be helpful for me

If you could do this,

you know?

I'm sorry.

I just can't do it.

What if I pay you

a hundred bucks?

Okay, fine.

Yeah, 250's good.

Okay, and my boyfriend

is going to drive us.

You have a boyfriend?

[Beep]

Beth, can you

hold on a sec?

[Beep]

Hello?

MARGARET:
Where's

my money, Charlie?

Margaret, hey, hi.

I'm good, by the way.

But, yeah, I've had a few

unexpected expenses

this month.

But can you

hang on a sec?

No, I can't

hang on...

[Beep]

Beth, hi. Um...

thanks again.

And, um, I gotta go now,

But I'm gonna call you back

about the plans.

Okay.

Thanks.

[Beep]

[Telephone rings]

NARRATOR ON TV:

A giant, hairy creature...

Part ape, part man.

Indians call him

Sasquatch.

They believe

he is as gentle

As he is powerful

and mysterious.

[ Synthesizer music on TV]

[Knock on door]

Yeah!

Hey, man.

What's goin' on?

[Turns TV off]

Um...

You tell Professor Grasso

I was gay?

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa.

Hey, man, time out.

You're taking this

way out of context.

What I said was

that you were bi...

Curious.

There is no context

here, Jay.

Bi?!

Curious!

Why?!

It's a big difference.

That means you're

experimenting.

Well, here...

I mean, I was joking,

you know?

She obviously doesn't even

know how to take a joke.

She thought you were

serious, Jay.

I just talked to her.

Heh.

All right, I'll be

straight with you.

I thought she has

the hots for you, man.

And that is definitely

a no-fly zone.

You gotta use

your head.

I told you I wanted

to do this my way.

This was before

you benched me. I swear.

You just... You...

Jesus.

How are you gonna

sell all this?

How are we gonna

sell that, partner?

We?

You said

you were into it.

No, I didn't.

I left early, remember?

Does it even work?

I've had a hard-on

for 16 hours.

Are you serious?

No joking...

You know what?

It's actually

kind of uncomfortable.

But I called Dave,

And he said

it'll go away.

[Knock on window]

Hey, this is it.

Just be cool.

Who is it?

Remember that sh*t-stack

who sold me that placebo?

The student, yeah.

Well, he's the biggest

dealer on campus.

Perfect down line.

Are you...

Are you crazy, Jay?

The guy sells

fake ecstasy.

Only to teachers, man.

Just relax.

Ohh.

Uhh.

Just be cool.

Okay.

I got a date tonight.

So, if this sh*t

energizes my bunny...

I'll call you back.

You got a problem

with that, Bigfoot?

That's cool, man.

Yeah.

All right?

If you want out,

just say the word.

Yeah. I want out.

I never

wanted in, Jay.

You're gonna thank me

later, dude.

CHARLIE:
Probably not.

MAN:

So... you pay girls

To hang out with you

very often, Professor?

First time, actually.

Officer.

[Woman laughs]

It's legal.

I checked.

It's an escort deal.

Right, baby?

Right.

[Siren whoops]

Just follow my lead

in there, okay?

Okay.

All they know is that

you're my girlfriend

And that you work

for PBS, okay?

I don't work for PBS.

What are you ta...

What about the telethon?

I was a volunteer.

That was community

service, actually.

Just...

Just roll with it, okay?

Can you do that for me?

Thanks.

I did drama

in high school.

Okay.

Oh, and I think

Tim wants to have

a threesome later.

Hi!

Hi!

Hello.

Please come in.

After you.

Hello, hi.

How are you?

Hi, Elaine.

This looks great.

[Chatter continues]

Thanks for having us.

Warren Blake...

English Department,

Yale University.

Flash Gordon...

Quarterback,

New York Jets.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

Okay.

Oh, boy.

Oh.

Ugh.

Um, didn't Charlie

tell you?

Tell me what?

I'm a vegetarian.

Oh, no.

Oh, I...

Honey, I forgot.

I'm sorry.

It slipped my mind.

Oh, Charlie's

so forgetful.

I became

a vegetarian, um,

The first day

I started at PBS.

It just felt right.

ELAINE:
You know,

I can whip up a salad

In no time at all.

Why don't I do that?

Let me help you, dear.

No, no, no,

We don't mean

to put you out.

You sure?

WARREN:
That's fine.

[Whispering]

What are you doing?

What? I am

a vegetarian.

Just... don't ruffle

any feathers.

I thought it was cool,

How I worked in

the whole...

PBS thing.

Oh, yeah,

that was great.

Just take it easy.

[Sighs]

Just follow my lead,

all right?

[Elaine talking indistinctly]

Ha ha ha! Charlie!

[Chuckles]

That's good.

BETH:
So, Warren...

Hmm?

What's Yale like?

Beth...

Yale is the finest

academic institution

In the country.

Nay, the world.

I consider myself to be

one of the lucky few

In the field

of English Literature.

To get to rub shoulders

With some of the greatest

minds in our lifetime...

Horwitz, Bringard...

Whelan.

Hmm!

All close colleagues

of mine.

What about Slocumb

and Leakey?

[Laughs]

Ha! They're

over at Grey.

Is the food good?

WARREN:
Heh. Yes.

The food at Yale is

positively exquisite, Beth.

Beth, did you know

that Charlie

Is one of the most popular

teachers at Grey?

We don't talk about work

much, to be honest.

We have a very...

[Tap]

Ahem.

Passionate relationship.

[Chuckles]

Passionate, eh?

Ha ha ha!

Well, never underestimate

the power of the flesh, right?

Heh! Yeah, I'll say.

So, tell us, Charlie...

What is it that makes

a good teacher,

In your professional

opinion?

Well, I think

the most important thing

Is to never forget what

it was like to be a student.

You know, I just try

and picture myself

Out there in the classroom,

Staring up at this dumb guy

at the front of the room.

[Laughs]

What?

Um, I mean...

Why the hell should they

care what I say?

I think you have

to find a way in,

And, you know, make them

laugh, challenge them,

Keep surprising them.

And, um, once you're in,

I think you'd better

find a way to stay in.

I guess that's...

what I think.

We have a slightly

different approach.

I've never really felt

that friendships

Between teacher

and student

are beneficial.

But obviously

we're all entitled

To our own, uh...

Shall we say, style.

Warren, you haven't taught

a class for three years.

Thank you for reminding me

of that. That's true.

So, are you on sabbatical?

Yes, that's right.

That must be so cool.

Do you get high a lot?

Hmm, no.

No, I... I don't.

[Water splashing]

Heh.

Beth's...

really nice.

Yeah.

Where'd you meet her?

We met at a, uh...

PBS thing.

We were volunteers.

Oh. That's sweet.

And how long

have you been dating?

Not long. It's really

not serious.

Oh. Charlie.

That's awful.

No, it's the truth.

Well, she adores you.

Trust me.

Warren... Warren seems

pretty cool.

Yeah. Well,

he's unique.

Yeah.

You know what?

I really...

I liked what

you said in there

About teaching.

Um, so, has it been

going any better?

Yeah. You know,

I still feel

A little bit like

an imposter, you know?

But I tried

what you told me.

Oh, yeah?

Did it work?

It did, it did.

Things have gotten

A lot more...

relaxed around there.

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