ThanksKilling Page #4

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God, I'm so tired of

this stupid Turkey just playing

games with us, like we're some

kind of puppets.

Whatever, I'm out of here.

Be careful, Billy,

you know he's still out there.

Well... he's dead.

Don't say stupid

sh*t like that.

Now, Darren, do your magic.

All right.

I'm sorry for your

loss, Kristen.

I'm sorry that we were even

thrown into this mess.

Things will never be the same

again.

It's all my fault.

It's not your fault.

There are just some things in

life we can't control.

And unfortunately, this is isn't

like a football game where we

can just call an audible at any

time.

You're right.

Life is not like a playbook.

I just got to roll with it.

Life moves on.

I just wanted to let

you know, Johnny, that I really

appreciate everything you've

done for us.

You can be my quarterback any

day.

Oh, Kristen.

Hey, guys... whoa.

Hey, guys, whoa, um, I cracked

the code.

I know how to kill the Turkey

now.

So, what does it

say? Well, basically it tells me

everything we need to know to

kill him.

And I'm just figuring that's why

the code was so hard to break.

Okay, Darren, you

haven't told us anything yet.

Oh, right.

Okay, so, we need to burn him at

the stake, just like a witch.

And then we need to say a

demonic prayer in unison

backwards.

Just the usual thing.

Damn!

This sh*t is not gonna be easy.

No sh*t, it's not

gonna be easy.

He was necromanced by one of the

most powerful Indians in

history.

We got to do what we

got to do.

First thing we have

to do is find out where this

Turkey's at.

It says here, "if the

Turkey is nowhere to be seen,

it's likely he's returned to his

teepee."

Sh*t, there can't be

that many teepees in town, can

there?

Let's go blitz his ass.

"However, if he is

not in the teepee, he's killing

one of your friends."

Billy!

Sucker.

So hungry.

God damn.

Oh, Billy!

Billy, Billy, Billy, come

eat me!

Come eat me, Billy.

I taste real good.

That hit the spot.

Oh!

Gobble, gobble, motherf***er.

Now that's what I call "fowl"

play.

I think we're too

late.

Holy sh*t!

Guys, pull over!

Pull over, there's Billy!

There's Billy, pull over, god

damn it!

No! Billy!

Billy!

My buddy, my best friend!

No, you can't go like this!

Billy, you can't go like this,

man.

It's okay.

You're one of the cool kids now.

It's not even that

bad, Billy.

I am one of the cool kids,

because of you.

Because of you, I'm one of the

cool kids!

You're my best friend.

We've been through good and bad

times.

Good and bad times together,

Billy.

It's not gonna end like this.

There's gonna be many more good

times.

And we're not gonna let there be

a lot of bad times.

You're my best friend.

I'm going to f***ing kill that

goddamn Turkey.

I swear to f***ing god.

Billy!

Billy, no, you can't go!

It's not even that bad.

It's not even that bad.

Billy, I love you.

You're my friend.

I've never had anybody come into

my life like you, Billy.

Remember when you gave me my

first ice-cream cone under the

sunset?

I miss you so much, Billy.

This song goes out to you.

Oh, yeah.

Mmm.

Yeah, I love you, Billy.

And now you've gone and left

me

You were my, you were my

friend

My friend

you got killed by the

Turkey

Who's not, who's not my

friend

He's not my friend, yeah

oh Billy, Billy, Billy,

you were my, my best friend

We were meant to be best

friends forever

And now you are a dead best

friend

A dead best friend

Billy, why did you have to

leave me, Billy

Why did you have to leave me

you were my best friend,

Billy

Best friend, Billy

Oh, yeah.

Tossing.

Perfect.

Low in calories, high in fiber.

Toss it.

Whew, nothing like a long day to

have a big juicy salad in my

stomach.

There's the teepee,

guys, on the side of the road.

Okay, guys, so, what

are we gonna do now?

F***, I don't know.

I didn't really think about

that.

Kristen, what do you got?

I don't know.

Do we have any rope?

Yeah, I got some out

of the Jeep.

I thought it could be useful.

Okay, well, this is

a start.

Darren, how about Johnny and I

go in through the main entrance

and we can distract Turkey.

Then all you have to do is go

in through the back, sneak

up on him, nail him, and tie him

up with this rope.

So I'm doing all the

work?

Do you want to avenge

Billy's death or not?

That's what I thought.

Now quit being a p*ssy and let's

make this happen.

Fine, fine, I'll do

it.

Wait, do we have

matches or a lighter?

Yeah, I got a lighter

right here.

I'm always prepared, baby, and

when I'm not, I just call an

audible.

Okay, well, let's

kick this foul-mouthed bastard's

ass.

Let's do it.

You're not such a badass after

all.

Your dad thought I was pretty

badass.

You bastard, I'm

gonna f***ing kill you.

Not now, Johnny.

What do you think you're

doing?

You kids can't kill me,

a**holes... I'm invincible.

Oh, sh*t!

What the Fu...?

What are you going to do?

Catch a fish, you f***ing prick?

I got him!

What! What, Turkey?!

Good job, man.

Oh my god, I'm on

fire!

What is this?

Looks like I got something you

don't got, Turkey.

What's that, Darren?

A vagina?

F***, no!

I've got a book that's gonna

send you straight to hell.

You think that's real?

You kids are even more retarded

than Billy!

Go back, go back!

Calm down, Darren.

Don't listen to him,

Darren.

Let's just finish this bastard.

You got the prayer ready?

I've got to find the

f***ing prayer.

I've got it.

You ready?

Let's do this.

Let's do it.

Ashlashi Begundi Ka.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

f***ing blah.

Kribash Sholash Kari

mafesto.

This is the stupidest thing

you kids have done yet.

Ashlashi Begundi Ka.

Kribash Sholash Kari mafesto.

Oh, what are you...

Ashlashi Begundi Ka.

Stop! Stop it!

Kribash Sholash Kari

mafesto.

There, guys!

At least it's

working.

Yeah, that should've

worked, because now he's lost

all of his invincibility power.

Okay, it says here, he's now

ready to be sacrificed.

F***, burn him alive, guys.

Nice, you still got

that lighter, Johnny?

Yeah, I got it.

I'm ready to see

this cock burn.

You mean Turkey,

right?

No, I mean like a

dick, not like the animal.

Do you have the lighter or not?

Yeah, I got it.

So long, suckers.

Not this time,

a**hole!

Oh, f***!

Argh!

You!

Where did that Turkey go?

I killed that son of

a b*tch.

He's right in that dumpster

right over there.

You don't

understand, he needs to be

killed in a certain way.

If he isn't, who know what might

happen.

Bastard.

Oh, yep, he's dead.

That's pretty nasty.

Oh, sh*t.

Nice shot, hermit.

Thank you there,

pretty lady, but it was pretty

much point-blank range.

Yeah, it was.

Well, looks like my

work's done here.

Killed that goddamn Turkey, and

avenged the death of my dog,

ol' flashy.

Yeah, I'm really

sorry about your dog.

That must be hard to deal with.

Well, I know he's in a

better place now, but it still

hurts a little bit on the

inside.

One of these days, you kids

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