That Old Feeling Page #4

But we can postpone it.

How do you mean, gone?

Away! They left! That's

what gone usually means.

Can we not get hysterical? They

could be back in 20 minutes.

Yes, you would be calm.

Oh, Alan.

You're the natural child

of those people.

On some subterranean level, you're

glad this happened. She's glad.

Alan, Rowena, you have

been wonderful to me.

They have been much better off with the

two of you than they ever were together.

I never wanted this.

Was there some reason why you had to

invite them both? That wasn't my idea.

You didn't tell me they were certifiable.

I begged you to elope.

I don't want to argue.

I'm sorry.

Pull it together. This from a

mental health professional.

It's not my fault!

On top of everything else,

she took my Prozavil.

It was in her purse. I'm supposed

to take it every four hours.

Or what?

You turn into a basket case?

No, just slight

manic-depressive tendencies.

Oh, no, no. Oh, no!

My life is over! Shut up!

I don't think there's much more Keith

and I can do about this right now, so...

No, no, no, no.

You have to help us.

How can I? I don't know!

But you did this.

I know you didn't mean to,

but you brought them back together.

Help us get them back.

I don't know where they are.

Haven't I been a friend to you?

Who got you that Lacroix prom dress?

Who got you electrolysis?

You'd have one big eyebrow

if it weren't for me!

Molly, please?

Molly.

Um, can you excuse me?

Dogs. I need dogs.

Do you really think

they're coming back? Uh...

Oh, boy. Look, this

is not our problem.

It is a big problem, Molly.

I'm running for Congress

on a family values platform.

I can't have some tacky Hollywood

adultery scandal with my new in-laws.

The press will eat it up.

Someone has to find them...

and get them back here quietly

before this hits the tabloids.

Uh, I think it's too late.

Oh, for Chr... All he needs is to

see these two in here blubbering.

He'll know what happened. We've

got to get them home quietly.

Where is he now? Um...

He's going around the back.

I'll be back as soon as

I've hired a detective.

I want to come with you. No!

What if your parents come back?

He can't see them together.

Honey, I'm sorry.

This is what being a political

wife is all about: Damage control.

Oh, God! Just find some

way to get rid of him.

Get him arrested.

You see how important this is?

I know, it's just

this is our honeymoon.

Think how much better our honeymoon will be...

knowing I still have a career.

I know.

Love you.

So... she ran off, didn't she?

- No!

- Then where is she?

I don't have to answer that.

You know what I think? I think

she ran off with some guy.

You're delusional.

Then what's this?

"Dear Molly,

"This will make more sense to you

when you're on your second husband."

What is that? She left

you a note at the desk.

So you just take it? It

wouldn't be the first time.

So, uh, she ran off with Dan.

Listen, you are not gonna put my parents

on the cover of some sleazy tabloid...

Dan's your dad?

Oh, man! They're

gonna love this one!

Let's go! Where are you going?

That's for me to know and you

to read in the paper. Wait!

This is big, big, big bucks!

Please!

Uh, what is your name?

My name? You wanna know my name?

Yes.

It's Joey Donna.

Joey, you seem to be very

talented at finding my mother.

That's what I do. Um, right.

Well, I was wondering if maybe

you could find her for me.

For you? Yes.

You would be encouraging me

to do this?

This once, yes.

You have absolutely no idea

where she is, do ya?

I... No, no.

So, after all the times you people

have thrown me out of places...

and slammed doors in my face

and shook me out of trees,

all of a sudden I'm supposed

to switch sides?

- So it's a matter of money?

- Four bills, minimum.

I.e., $400?

I.e.? Who says I.e.?

- Isn't that kind of high?

- I.e. Who talks like that?

Yes or no?

All right, I'm in. Come on.

But no pictures!

Definitely not.

I mean it. I see a camera,

I will smash it.

As long as you

understand that.

Okay. Deal?

Hey, Bri,

what's my girlfriend up to?

- Who are you talking to?

- Shh. Uh-huh.

Versace? Missoni, yeah?

How much at La Pergla?

She must really

like this guy, huh?

Hey, thanks, Bri. Who loves ya?

You're the best.

All right. Bye, Bri.

We seem to be on a little

shopping spree in town.

Come on. Come on.

That phone call.

That was her bank, wasn't it?

You have a spy in her bank telling

you her credit card records.

Let me ask you something.

What's so bad about this? Why

is this making you nuts?

Your parents are back together.

Isn't that nice?

No. They have been happily married

to other people for 14 years.

Yeah? Well, personally,

I never liked old Alan.

I don't think he respects her.

Excuse me? All those times I've

been right in his wife's face,

he never took a swing at me.

How can you talk about Alan not respecting her?

Look what you do.

Come on. What?

She loves it.

Okay, she loves being

constantly harassed.

I'm her biggest fan. Who do you think

keeps her on the cover of the Globe?

She should pay me. I just

hope they're being discreet.

Oh, come here, you.

It's so nice to see a mature,

loving relationship.

It's adulterous,

but thank you very much.

Oh, I love this. I love everything

about being the other woman.

It's so... French.

So, what did you miss about me?

Absolutely nothing.

Liar. I'm serious. Every

hour was a blessed relief.

Come on.

Your singing. Mmm.

2:
00 in the morning, in the

bathtub, glass of champagne.

Is that why you stabbed your

actress in the throat 27 times?

You read my book.

I knew you would. I skimmed

it in the checkout line.

Uh-huh. You missed me.

And I suppose you didn't sneak off to

the movies to ogle me once or twice?

I saw you win the Civil War

single-handedly.

Wait. What?

I just got a tingle.

My paparazzi.

He's out here.

We better get you

off the street.

Oh. A hotel?

I hope you're paying.

You'd let me pay?

You've mellowed.

You have to pay. I cancelled

all my credit cards.

He thinks I'm not onto him, that little

cockroach, but he has been fumigated.

Come on. Altogether.

As a group.

Come on! Go up the stairs.

You know how to go up stairs.

One paw in front of another.

Would you just...

At the risk of being critical...

No, I've got to say...

Would you, please...

Children, children, please. Would you

just take it easy? Mommy's not here.

Go ahead. Mommy's not here.

Let me take your leashes off.

Just let me take your...

All right! Down!

Open your own can.

Message. Message.

Hi, Alan. It's Molly.

If Keith's with you, can you please

tell him to stay there? -Well!

It's for you. Don't hire a detective.

I found someone to find them.

I'll meet you at Mom's later.

Found who?

Thanks.

American.

Hello? Oh.

Yeah, uh, look, Phil, I'm gonna

have to cancel our session.

Yes, I'm going through

something here.

I know. I know!

I don't think you're having

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