The 40-Year-Old Virgin Page #4

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[all laughing]

What a good guy. What a...

Dan, the guy

Robin's marrying...

is such a good guy.

He sounds like a good guy.

I hated him for like two years

'cause he cheated on me.

But...

he's really changed now.

He's a really good guy now.

Your friends seem nice.

You have really kind eyes,

you know that?

Thanks. Your hat

has sequins.

Mmm.

Mmm.

[both tittering]

Your hands are on my belt.

What?

Your hands are on my belt.

I'm sorry.

It's good.

You're cute.

This is kind of lame.

You wanna get out of here?

Okay, yeah.

Yeah.

F***.

Come on.

Okay.

You wanna drive?

I don't have a car

with me here, so...

Cars just suck.

[grunting]

I'm driving.

Are you drunk?

No, I didn't have anything

to drink.

Blow into this?

Okay.

[beeping]

What is this?

The judge recommended

I get one.

[engine starting]

[Get Ur Freak On playing

on car stereo]

Whoa, okay. Wow.

That's fast.

Okay.

Come on, you're in the lasso.

[giggling]

Missy be puttin' it down

I'm the hottest round

I told y'all

mother-uh

Y'all can't

stop me now

Listen to me now

I'm lastin' 20 rounds

And if you want me, people

Then come on

get me now

And Dan's like,

"You're such a B-l-T-C-H,

b*tch!"

[tires screeching]

And I'm like,

"You're the b*tch, b*tch."

You know?

Yeah.

What was your name again?

Andy.

Andy.

Let me tell you

something, Andy.

Don't ever be named Dan.

Dan rhymes with man,

and men jerk off.

And he was a jerk-off.

Do you know what I mean?

Look out! The car!

Wow.

I like you.

You're not a...

Ugh.

I think I ate some

bad shellfish sandwich

or something.

You're cute.

No.

That tasted good.

That tasted like shellfish.

Look out! Sorry.

Watch it!

[exclaiming]

Do you think I'm pretty?

Oh, yes.

Oh, God, yes!

You're not looking at me.

Yes, you're pretty.

You're not looking at me.

Yes, you're pretty.

Do you think I'm pretty?

Look at me.

Look at me!

I'm looking! You're pretty!

God, I just wanna live!

God, I hope

I get my period soon.

I am in a bad mood.

Okay.

I'm so tired.

Hey, whoa!

[glass shattering]

Oh, God! Turn away!

Hey, get off the wheel.

You're not gonna

get in my pants

acting like that.

I'm starving.

Let's get some

f***ing French toast.

[tires screeching]

Okay, here we are.

Oh, God, we made it.

Home sweet home.

Oh, mommy!

[screeching]

[panting]

Are you okay?

The f***er came

out of nowhere.

Okay. We're okay.

[laughing]

[crying]

Are you okay?

Well, are you...

What's the matter?

[gasps]

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

I think I kind of

had that coming.

I'll still have sex with you

if you want.

You know what, I think

I'm gonna pass on the sex,

if you don't mind.

At least I don't have

to work out tomorrow.

Did you have

a daiquiri tonight?

Yeah.

I thought you might.

It was a very bad night.

[all laughing]

Yeah, laugh.

You know what,

you guys wouldn't be

laughing right now...

if some girl had just

vomited shellfish sandwich

into your mouth.

[grunts]

You know what, you're right,

it's my bad.

Let me apologize to you

first of all...

for not mentioning in detail

that when you pick up

a drunk woman...

who's falling down

on her way out of the bar...

that you should

probably drive.

I drive a bike.

Okay,

Mr. Schwinn-f***ing-Armstrong,

who asked you to drive a bike?

You know what,

I'm not the only person

in the world...

who rides a bike.

Yeah, everyone rides a bike,

when they're f***ing six.

Why don't you kiss something?

Because this is over,

you guys, okay?

Can I just interject

for a second?

[stuttering]

Let me just say...

you're putting the p*ssy up

on this pedestal.

You're just building

the p*ssy up, man.

What are you even

talking about?

"Building the p*ssy up,"

what does that mean?

You making the p*ssy into

this great big Greek goddess

named Pussalia...

and what you're doing is...

you're psyching yourself

into thinking

it's some impossible feat.

Yeah, I think

you're right.

I'm putting the p*ssy up

on a pedestal.

Right.

That's it.

It's "Pussalia," right?

Look where you going.

I don't wanna say

the word anymore.

Say what word?

"P*ssy." I don't wanna say it.

F*** it.

"P*ssy" is a scientific word.

Dude! New pants, man.

You know what, Dave?

You know, you said

there wasn't gonna be

any pressure at all.

(David)

I'm not pressuring you.

Excuse me.

Can one of you guys

help me, please?

No hablo English, lady.

I actually am helping

a customer right now.

Okay, well...

I'm on break.

But our stock supervisor

is very knowledgeable.

He can answer

all of your questions

and he'd love to help you.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

You, too.

Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish.

Hi, Andy is my name.

This one looks pretty good.

You don't wanna buy that VCR.

I don't?

No, actually to be

totally honest with you...

you don't wanna buy

any VCR.

It's a dead technology.

It's like getting

an eight-track player.

Yeah.

Or a Betamax.

You know what, actually

I'd recommend this one.

This is a dual.

You've got the VCR

and DVD combo.

So, you know,

that technology would be

probably pretty good for...

Six months or so?

Yeah.

That's good.

At best. Sorry.

No.

As good as it gets.

Okay, that sounds good,

then.

Okay, all right.

[Cal speaking Spanish]

It's perfect.

Sorry.

Coming through.

Okay.

God, you know,

it's so funny, I work

right across the street...

and I've never been

in this place.

Really? Where at?

Yeah.

The

"We Sell Your Stuff On eBay"

store.

Yes.

And that's the name?

Yeah, I was

looking for something...

you know, obvious.

So I chose that.

I don't understand.

So, what, you do what?

Well, I take the stuff

that you don't want...

and then I "sell" it

on eBay.

But you don't actually

sell anything in the store?

No. I don't.

So why do you have a store?

I don't know.

No, I think it's because,

you know, I wanna maybe

look professional...

and not like a crazy person

who's just gonna

steal all your sh*t.

Sure. I didn't

mean anything by that.

No, it's okay.

You know what,

you should come by sometime

if you want, you know...

see it for yourself,

check it out.

I'll check out

your empty store.

Yeah, it's the one

across the street

that's not empty.

Here's my number. So...

All right.

So, just anytime.

Why do I need your number

if you're across the street,

though?

I don't really have

a good answer for that, Andy.

I just...

Sorry.

Just giving it to you.

So I'll write you up,

and I'll meet you over

at the register.

Okay.

And check you out...

Check out.

Okay, see you over there.

Okay.

Okay.

Awful chatty.

Hey...

Look, I think she gave me

her number.

She wrote down her number,

but I think she gave me

her number.

No, she gave you.

Dude, man.

See, you still mad at me?

No, I was never.

Right, you see what I mean?

Yeah, we gonna

celebrate it, man. Yeah.

This is pretty cool.

Yeah.

Unbelievable.

Come on,

give him some credit, man.

The man pulled a number.

It's just... I was in...

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