The Absent Minded Professor Page #4

Come on, team!

Look at them go!

Aren't they terrific?

Sorry, Pop.

I forgot.

Come on, team!

Hey, what do you know?

Lenny just laid off

5 G's against Medfield.

Against Medfield?

Oh, thank you so much!

You meathead!

Don't you know what's

going on out there?

Shoot, Harper! Shoot!

Go! Go!

We did it!

Sure, we did it!

I did it because

you wouldn't listen.

What do you mean you did it?

You saw the way the boys played.

The reason they could play

like that is my discovery.

Surely you're not taking credit

for Medfield winning?

In a way, yes.

Now I've heard everything.

To watch those boys

out there fighting,

playing their hearts out,

and to hear you taking

the bows for it.

I didn't mean it --

Pretty small, Brainard.

That's all I can say.

Pretty small.

-Come on. Let's go.

-Now, Betsy.

Betsy, wait a minute.

Shelby, please give me

time to think.

Of course, darling.

You can give me your answer

tomorrow night after the dance.

l think I know what it will be.

Good night, my love.

Good night, Shelby.

[ Whistling Wagner's

"Bridal Chorus" ]

You probably thought of me as a

kindly, level-headed professor.

Well, now you see what

a woman can do to you.

I'm a desperate man.

Desperate men

do desperate things.

Lights off.

Sound off.

And up we go.

[ Horn honking ]

Officer! Officer!

Officer, help me!

It's after me! Help me!

I do hope that you will

excuse my appearance.

But I was just having a cup

of boiling-hot coffee.

-But it's after me!

-What's after you?

I don't know.

Some kind of a thing!

A thing?

Can you describe it?

No, I didn't see it.

But it flies.

And it made a noise.

Like aaoooga! Aaooga!

Then it banged down

on the top of my car.

Voom! Voom!

And when I looked,

there wasn't anything!

Ohhhh.

That kind of a thing.

Suppose you blow

into this thing.

We'll see if we can

find where it came from.

Do something!

It's probably lurking in the

dark, ready to spring!

Go on!

Don't worry.

We won't let it get you.

Now, come on, blow, okay?

This is outrageous!

I happen to be Professor Ashton,

head of the English department

at Rutland!

And a very important

person there!

In that case, this ought to be

easy for an English teacher.

Can you say "Peter Piper picked

a peck of pickled peppers"?

Have you gone mad?

Or perhaps you'd prefer

"Round the rugged rock

the ragged rascal ran."

I'll say no such idiotic thing!

We are not being very

cooperative, now, are we?

Come on. Blow into this.

We'd appreciate it.

I'll do no such thing!

Blow.

Blow!

Having trouble, Officer Hanson?

No, just the usual.

We always have 502s

after the Rutland game.

Uh-huh. I didn't know

they were such bad losers.

Brainard, tell these idiots...

Professor, I see you finally got

the Model T in working order.

Yeah. lt took a little fixing.

But here she is.

-[ Burbles ]

-Hey...

Sounds like it could use

a little valve job in there.

You know how it is

with Model T's.

Sometimes you swear they

could run without valves.

Or even without a motor!

-Well, so long, Officer.

-So long, Professor.

Brainard!

Tell them who I am!

Now, you told us who you are.

Suppose we all go

confide in the sergeant, hmm?

You boys are a big comfort.

I take a bath for $ 15,000, and

you can't find what happened!

Maybe they slipped them

some new vitamin pill.

If we can grab one of the boys,

we could give him a test.

ALONZO:

Forget it, will you?

Hi, Pop.

Did you find out anything?

-I sure did.

-What?

lt was Neddy the Nut.

The professor?

Well, what did he do?

-He was in the locker room.

-And then?

Gave the boys a pep talk.

Well, what else?

He just talked to them.

Talked to them?

Is that the...

Will you give me that?

Is that the big news

you had for me?

Well, is it?

That's about the size of it.

Oh, three cheers for you, sonny.

That's an Earth-shattering bit

of information you got there.

Biff! Come here!

Come here!

You see anything?

Just Neddy the Nut

flying his old Model T.

Say that again.

Neddy the Nut

flying his old Model T!

ALONZO:

Yeah!

And that's the genius

you were calling a nut!

Oh, yeah. ln class,

he's been beating our ears

about some new kind of energy.

Says he's looking

for a breakthrough.

Breakthrough?

Have you any idea what

that kind of jazz is worth?

Gentlemen to see you,

Professor.

I can't see anybody now.

What does he want?

Your kind indulgence,

Professor.

Can you find it to forgive

this hot-blooded businessman?

Hot-blooded businessman who

plans to tear down Medfield?

What do you want?

Wonderful things.

Wonderful things for all of us.

Visualize, if you will,

a whole new Medfield College.

10 new buildings

10 stories high.

One building devoted

entirely to science.

Two, if you will?

Three?

How does that sound?

It sounds great.

But just where is all this money

coming from, Mr. Hawk?

From a certain

revolutionary discovery.

What's revolutionary

about a Tin Lizzie?

Nothing.

Unless, of course,

it happens to fly.

Fly?

Like I happened

to see it do last night.

You saw it, huh?

Uh-huh.

Prof, I gotta hand it to you.

Hold it!

Why don't we trust each other?

You're a man of science.

Head in the clouds.

I'm a down-to-Earth,

dollar-and-cents man.

My pop always says

he can smell a buck --

I'll do the talking, son!

That's a good boy.

There's a million angles.

The government.

The space age!

What they wouldn't give

to get their hands

on this little Tin Lizzie.

That's where I come in.

When I get through talking

with them, they'll come crawling

with bags of money.

Barrels of money!

Mr. Hawk,

let me get this straight.

You want me to turn

my discovery over

so you can blackmail

our government?

All right,

look at it this way.

Medfield College

can grow and prosper.

Or it can wither

and die on the vine.

That's entirely up to you.

I see. Mr. Hawk, I want to

thank you for dropping by.

You've made up my mind.

Now you're talking!

I'm calling the President.

Daggett?

He don't cut any ice.

The President

of the United States.

Is that enough ice for you?

Oh, let's not go flying off

in all directions.

Just one direction. Out.

Oh, don't get me wrong.

I heartily endorse

our government.

All right. You're lowering

the boom on Medfield.

But don't you try

to come back afterwards.

The iron door is shut!

Well, there goes the ball game.

He'll telephone Washington.

By tomorrow, this place will be

swarming with sharpies.

Supposing you did get

the professor's discovery.

Did you mean

not closing Medfield?

They get that flying jalopy,

there's millions down the drain!

If you did, I've got an idea.

-Quiet. I'm trying to think.

-Switch cars.

That idiot Brainard.

If he could've...

What did you say, son?

Switch cars on him.

There are other

Model T's around.

Yeah, there are,

aren't there, Biffer?

Fellow in Appleton

who's got the same model.

Hold it.

I'm way ahead of you.

Lenny, take

the Appleton turnoff.

Hey, you know something?

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