The Accidental Husband Page #3

You simply recite...

the presidents'

names in order.

- Out loud?

- Forwards or backwards?

Watch and learn, gentlemen.

To Washington,

Adams, Jefferson.

Madison and Monroe.

- Carter.

- Carter.

- Reagan.

- Reagan.

- Bush.

- Bush.

Do you think maybe we

should pour you into a cab?

- Maybe your fianc's worried.

- Oh. That's right.

That is exactly what

I came to talk to you about.

- OK.

- Yes, Mr Sullivan,

- it seems we're married.

- Come again?

We... are married.

- I thought you were

marrying Richie.

Exactly.

- I'm over here.

- Right.

Uh, yes, it seems that we,

I mean we,

are victims of a

glitch in some...

computer, somewhere, somehow.

I don't know, has married us.

- A glitch?

- Mm-hm. I'll say. A big one.

- Oh, boy.

So, um, if, um,

you'd just be...

...so kind as

to sign these papers I'd...

Ow.

Washington,

Madison, Adamson...

- Are you a fireman?

- Indeed, I am.

I always liked you guys.

Lights are out now.

Sorry about that.

Oh. Ouch.

Hello? Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Excuse me.

- Good morning, Dr Lloyd.

- Good morning. Wait.

- Someone had a rough night.

- Oh, yeah.

Excuse me.

- Oh, my.

- I need the emergency outfit.

- What?

- The emergency outfit.

Outfit I keep for emergencies.

Richard called six

and a half times.

Last time he hung up.

He was looking desperate.

Worried about Bollenbeckers?

- Can you get him for me?

- On the phone?

- Why do you do that?

- It's fun.

- The outfit?

- Not here.

- I had a date.

- Oh.

You know we're not remotely

the same size?

- Richard. Aspirin. Coffee.

- Oh, and your father's...

- Now.

Please hold.

Richard, line one.

Richard, sweetheart.

I am so sorry I didn't call.

I was in Queens so I

thought I'd stay at...

my father's and go

over wedding stuff.

- Why didn't you call?

He brought you in

this morning...

- with your mom's dress.

- He brought me back in...

- with my mom's wedding dress.

- And your father's here.

- She knows it.

- What about Sullivan?

- It's beautiful.

- Emma?

- Yes. I found Sullivan.

- Coffee, Wilder?

- I'd love some.

- Aspirin?

- I've got the papers.

- Welcome.

Not on me.

- Coffee filters?

- I don't work here.

I know they have

to be notarised.

Can you get that?

- Sure.

- Don't worry.

You have enough on

your plate without...

having to worry

about this. Don't...

Emma, your husband would

like a few words with you.

- Who?

- Patrick Sullivan?

- ... have them on you?

- Sweetheart, can you, um?

Can you hold

please? Not a word.

Hello? You there? Hello?

- Ah. Mr Sullivan?

- Hey.

Let me get to the

point. I left some...

very important

documents in your...

- Richard. Phone.

- Uh, can you just hold on...

- one second? Don't go away.

- Yeah.

Richard, sweetheart,

I am so sorry to

keep you holding.

- What's going on?

I'll explain at

the cake tasting.

- I can't. I'll

meet you tonight.

But you promised. All right.

Husband. Cell.

Oh. Mr Sullivan? Mr Sullivan.

- Wilder, here.

- Mr Sullivan? Hello?

- Your father on two.

Gotta run, darling.

See you later.

- Gonna wait for your coffee?

Nobody's got that

kind of time.

I don't know what

you're smirking about, Wilder.

I'm just glad

to see you're having some fun.

Does it look like

I'm having fun?

Wait.

You drove all the way in

just to bring Mom's dress?

Actually, I was hoping...

to lure you over

to Bemelmans...

- for a banana split

like the old days.

Bemelmans has been

closed for years.

Ah, well, my timing's

always been a little off.

Don't keep your

husbands waiting.

- It's not what you think.

- I know.

Mr Sullivan?

Thank you so much

for calling back.

- Excuse me?

- What do you want?

- Car's downstairs.

You're late.

Mr Sullivan.

- Yes.

- Yes, about last night.

- Yeah.

- What exactly happened?

I tell you this,

you do one hell...

of a Riverdance. It

was quite a night.

- That doesn't sound like me.

- That wasn't the good part.

- What do you mean?

- I'm here.

You're where?

Hey, I'm losing you. Hello?

Can you hear me now?

Look, forget last night.

What I want is a

rather large stack...

of papers I need you to sign.

- I got 'em right here.

You do. Thanks.

You made my day.

- Coffee?

- Thank you.

- I know a notary

not far from here.

Right now?

This appointment

took me three months to get.

- Sounds important.

- Cake tasting.

- Like I said,

important stuff.

It's the wedding cake,

and she's Marilyn Hirschfield,

a respected cake maker.

- These appointments

are hard...

I love cake.

- What are you doing? Hey.

- Scoot over.

- This cake is fantastic.

Shh. Please, please. Be quiet.

- Can I get another

slice of this one?

You've already tried

the butter cream.

It's my fiance.

She's on the fence...

about the butter cream.

- I am not.

- Have any milk?

- Sure.

After this, we go

to the notary?

- Yeah, absolutely.

How much is this?

It's free, sir.

Bullshit. It's free.

- Here you are, sir.

- Here's my milk.

- Would you like a sip?

- No, thank you. I'm not six.

Holy crap. Cake down.

I need a spoon.

Don't worry about it.

I got this.

Here we have our dark

Belgian chocolate...

with vanilla mousse torte.

- Thank you.

- It's awesome.

Oh, my God. Do you know

if you mix these two together,

it tastes like a Ring Ding.

You gotta try this.

No, no, no. That's all right.

I'm not your baby.

No, no, no, no, no.

- Ah. Ah.

- No.

- Mmm?

- Ah?

- Mm. It's yummy.

- It's super-duper.

Mm-hm. Um, may I,

um... may I just...

have one more glass

of milk, please?

Attagirl. Milk for my bride.

In fact, milks all around.

Milks all around.

- Hey, where you ladies from?

- Germany.

Wow. You must

really like cake.

Yeah, you gotta try this,

and mix these two together.

Hey, hey, can we get, uh, some

Ring Ding things for

the gals over here?

Darling, I am certain

everyone is being attended to.

Baby, I got this covered.

Don't you worry about it.

- Quite a handful

you got there.

That he is.

Impulsive, unpredictable.

You never...

know what he's gonna do next.

- Full of surprises.

But that's the fun

of it, isn't it?

- Of course it is.

- It is, trust me.

- Here you go, ladies.

He reminds me of my husband...

when we first met. Everybody...

thought we were

a total mismatch,

but we had so much fun.

And we still do

25 years later.

Hey. What are you ladies

talkin' about over here?

- Talking about the

men in our lives.

Ah, boys.

- Never mind.

- How did you two meet?

Oh, honey, you tell the story.

You tell it a lot

better than I do.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, you tell it.

You're the good,

uh, teller of it.

- Please?

- All right, all right. Sure.

- You ladies heard

of pro wrestling?

Stop. Kidder.

Oh, he's such a

kidder. Kidder.

It was a, um,

uh... a blind date.

- Oh?

Yeah, yeah, we were fixed up.

Yes. Fixed up.

But not with each other.

It was two separate

blind dates...

in the same bar.

- Both goin' terribly.

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