The Accidental Husband Page #4

- Horribly.

Think about those

people who set us up.

- Susie and Allen.

- Susie and Allen.

- What the hell did they know?

I don't know. I

guess he noticed me.

Well, I mean, come

on. Look at her.

- A guy would

have to be blind.

Noticed me suffering

on my bad date,

and then the band

started playing this...

song, and it was

my favourite song.

And suddenly he was

next to me and...

he asked me to dance,

and... I said yes.

- What was the song?

- Song?

- Mm-hm?

- Oh, yeah, the song.

- Oh.

- # Over night scenes...

# Dinner and wine

Saturday girls...

# I was never in love

Never had the time...

- Honey, Every

Woman in the World.

Every Woman in the World.

# Laughing myself to sleep...

# Waking up lonely

I needed someone to hold me...

# Oh, oh, oh...

# Girl, you're every woman

in the world to me...

# You're my fantasy...

- # You're my reality

That's it. Uh,

that's the song.

That was totally

off the top of my head.

Known each other for two hours

and we already got a song.

We don't have a song.

How long is this gonna take?

Emma Lloyd, Deepak

Manaam Chaturvedi.

- Mr Manaam Chater...

- Deep. Deep.

- Mr Deep.

- I recognise you.

The passed-out lady

Patrick carries around.

Yes, that would be me.

- I brought you a

little something.

Oh, how very thoughtful.

Do we have to do

this right now?

Delicious.

- It's not unlike a Ring Ding.

- What'd I tell you?

I'm sure you'd really love

a glass of milk with that,

but I have to get home

and changed for my book party.

- If you don't mind...

Don't rush. I'm

a notary public.

- I took a test.

- OK, I'm sorry.

Um, how long do you

think this will take?

Let's just review, hm?

Signatures... check.

Dates... check.

My seal and you'll be

on your way in ten minutes.

- Oh.

- An hour.

A year.

As long as it takes.

Who can say?

Anything you can do to hurry?

I don't mind paying extra.

- Trying to bribe

a public official?

Oh, this is

ridiculous. I'm late.

I'm late, and I'll send

a messenger in the morning.

That will be more

than enough time.

- I could bring

it by the office.

Oh, no. I will

send a messenger.

Thank you, Mr Sullivan,

for your co-operation.

Well, thank you

for thanking me.

Mrs Sullivan.

- A year?

- Patrick, I'm out. Out.

You had your fun.

This is too far.

You should be ashamed.

- A nice lady like that?

I wanted to give

her a taste...

of her own medicine, period.

And then I... I don't know.

- She's starting

to grow on me.

No. Look, no growing, OK?

No growing on

anyone by anyone.

No knees weakened,

no shines taken

to, none of it.

Not on my watch.

Now, go. You and Ajay

have caused enough trouble.

Out.

Dr Lloyd. This way, please.

Dr Lloyd? This camera, please.

- Smile, please.

- Beautiful, thank you.

- Hi.

- Eye contact, please?

- Sign this.

- This way, please.

- And where's Richard?

- Right over there.

Thanks.

- Hi. Oh.

- Not too shabby, huh?

- It's wonderful.

I can't believe it.

Sign these.

OK.

- I have so much to tell you.

- Did you get the papers?

- Um, they're at the notary.

Excellent. Karl

Bollenbecker's here.

- Make that out to him.

- Oh?

He wasn't coming, then his...

office said he

was. Good or bad?

How could it be bad?

He hasn't even met you.

- You look stunning.

- Thanks.

- What happened to your head?

- Oh. Bird accident.

A pigeon flew into me.

I'll go take care of it.

- Emma? You

remember Dr Benton?

Yes, hi. Nice to

see you. Hi, Judy.

No sooner do we

leave you then, bang.

I see your picture

big on the bus.

Oh. From the cake tasting.

I felt so foolish, I went...

and bought your

book immediately.

- Oh, that's unnecessary.

- Later I was reading...

your very sensible observation

and your clinical judgments...

- Are they good things?

I'm sure some people

find them useful,

but I was surprised

that a helpless...

romantic can give such

practical advice.

- Me? Helpless?

- Oh, yes, you.

Hopelessly helpless,

but let me finish.

So my husband, Karl, returns...

to the home and on

top of his paper,

there is an invitation to this

very party. Isn't it amazing?

When you say Karl,

do you mean Karl...

Bollenbecker.

- It's a small

world, isn't it?

Yes.

Teeny. Like a marble.

Or a gumball.

I had to drag Karl

by the ear to come here.

- It is a girly book.

- Oh, no. It's not that.

Karl can be very

girly. Only that he...

doesn't like to

socialise with someone...

- whose company he

intends to liquidate.

Liquidate?

- Who, Richard?

- Yes, but we can fix that.

After this party,

you and Richard...

will join us for dinner.

If Karl sees the man I saw,

Abdington Books will

be safe, I'm sure.

That is unbelievably

kind of you,

but you see, Richard

and I made plans...

and so we're supposed to...

Only one thing

you're supposed to do, Emma,

and it's to bring your

fianc to dinner.

Let's find Richard.

Karl is waiting.

Oh. Oh, oh, my

husband hates you,

but you saved our

marriage. Do you mind?

Not at all.

Um, who shall I

make it out to?

- To...

- Richard.

Um... thank you.

Oh, hey, hey.

I brought your papers.

Richard. Sweetheart.

Please go with me on this, OK?

- Remember Greta Bollenbecker?

- Cake lady.

- It's a small world.

So small. Constantly

shrinking.

- It must be the

global warming.

I want to introduce you...

- to my husband.

- Her husband, Karl,

is Karl Bollenbecker,

who just acquired Richard's,

your publishing house

and he's thinking...

of dumping you,

Richard, and it.

- Wait, I own a

publishing house?

Yes, and you're my fianc,

so please just

focus, concentrate.

Got it?

This is him.

- You must be the cake dunker.

- You got me.

- That's my Richard.

- Casual Fridays?

I actually just came

from soccer practise.

- You play football?

- Well, I'm no Lucas Podolski.

Podolski.

Well, nothing could

beat Podolski.

I own his team and he

is a magnificent...

pain in the ass, but a genius.

You own the Bayern

Mnchen club?

Why don't you use

Klose on defence?

He's been under-utilised.

- That's what I told

that stupid coach.

Klinsmann? Gotta go.

- We agree.

Excuse me. My

name's... Ow. Jesus.

- What?

- Hand noogies.

We give each other

hand noogies.

This is my brother, Carl.

Your name is Carl as well?

This is a small world.

Yes, teeny. Like a

gimlet. Yes, my tiny,

teeny little brother,

but not small.

No. Big. Older,

but not by much.

- Carl, who I love

so very, very much.

How's it goin', bro?

- Wine?

I'm sorry, I'm

suddenly very thirsty.

- Carl? Carl?

- Carl.

This is Karl Bollenbecker

and I'm Greta, his wife,

- and we're so charmed

by your sister.

And her outspoken fianc...

who seems to find fault with...

every player in

the Bundesliga.

- But not Podolski.

- But never Podolski.

So, you sound English,

but your sister...

- Can I borrow Emma?

Yes, but we both

had... I'm sorry.

A hand noogie.

Who is that man out there

pretending to be me?

- I can explain.

- He's wearing sweatpants.

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