The Accidental Husband Page #5

- Sullivan. Honey,

you're stress-eating.

I'm not. Go on.

I wasn't at my

father's. I was with

Sullivan. Not 'with

him' with him,

but in his apartment

drunk. That sounds...

worse. I assure you

I was fully clothed.

Beyond that, I'm not certain,

except he showed up today...

with papers when I had

to go to the tasting,

which you refused to go

because you're busy...

- Get back to the

Bollenbeckers.

Right. Fine.

At the cake tasting,

there was this sweet lady.

And she thought Sullivan

was my fianc...

and I just couldn't

disappoint her.

But this lady wasn't

sweet at all.

She was Mrs Bollenbecker,

- which I didn't know.

- You certainly know now.

I do. Had I known I wouldn't...

have let the whole

thing continue.

But it did continue

until everyone...

was quite taken with him,

especially Mrs Bollenbecker

when he sang.

- He's a singer?

- No, no, no. He's a fireman.

- Darling, are you

sure you want that?

Yes. Yes, I am. What

is he doing here?

He came to bring me

the notarised papers.

But then there was

Mrs Bollenbecker.

I'm Emma Lloyd, so

he's my fianc.

- And I am tiny brother Carl.

Oh, Richard, I'm

terribly sorry.

But, uh, oh, look.

Mini-cupcakes.

Look, Emma. I only got...

about half of what

you're saying,

but this seems to be something

that can be cleaned up easily.

So before you harpoon

what is left of my...

reputation, I am

gonna go in there...

No, no, no, you can't.

They're going to

exterminate you.

- What?

- Not you, Abdington Books.

Terminate. No,

liquidate. That's it.

Yes, chop it up

in little pieces,

sell it all off.

Everything must go.

That's why Karl wasn't coming.

- But he did come.

- Because Mrs B made him come.

She made him come so

he could meet you.

Oh, look. I think he's

really starting to like you.

Oh, all right, I...

Let me think now.

Man owns so many

entities, I can buy...

a year before our paths cross,

so we just have to

get through this.

A few more minutes?

And a dinner. Tonight.

It was Mrs B's...

idea, so Karl could

get to know you.

- He's gone.

- Karl?

- No, Sullivan. He's gone.

- But the dinner.

- Get him there.

- Oh, uh...

- Is Sullivan even in here?

- I don't see how he'd fit.

Not now, Marcy.

- Find the lioness within.

- Now, you've read my book?

Mr Sullivan, Emma Lloyd here.

Here's the deal.

My entire career,

and my marriage to

Richard, probably,

are at stake here.

Frankly, I need you.

I really need you... tonight.

- Hello?

- Say 'yes' if he's there,

- 'Oh, my God' if he's not.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

- Don't overdo it.

- You got hit by a cab?

- Good, nice touch.

What hospital are

you in? I'll be...

right there. He

was hit by a cab.

- Who was hit by a cab?

- Is that Sullivan?

Oh. So it was only your foot?

And you're fine, promise?

Oh.

Carl, he got...

a cab ran over his foot Yeah.

- Carl can't catch a break.

Drink lots of cocoa.

Bye-bye, darling.

Richard, I was beginning

to think a man...

who would leave his

fiance un-attended...

for so long might not be

as charming as I imagined.

But, no matter.

Please, join us for dessert.

Karl, I know how important

this dinner is to my future...

with the Bollenbecker Group,

but I've got this

family thing.

And where I come from,

family comes first.

So I'm just here

to invite you to a party.

- Could be a lot of fun.

- To family. Above all else.

To family.

You look beautiful.

Nice crowd for your

upanayanam, man.

- What's with all

the white people?

Party crashers.

- Even that one?

- No, that one's with me.

Welcome, Emma.

Get up there.

Oh, I love my husband

but he snores at night,

and it only gets worse...

My husband snores

all the time.

I just, tight slap.

- Tight slap.

- You look really cute.

- Why do they snore?

Check your mehndi

for hidden messages.

It's part of the tradition.

When marriages were arranged,

the groom would search

his bride's body...

on their wedding night

to find initials.

Ah. That's naughty.

- Did I happen to

say thank you?

You did, and you're welcome.

You're not the person

I thought you were, Patrick.

Likewise, Dr Lloyd.

I can't. I have to go.

Wilder? It's me.

Can you come get me?

- Hey.

- Hey. Got any beer?

- You did good tonight.

- Thanks.

You gotta tell her, man.

Girls are way into honesty.

All right. Goodnight, you two.

Oh, um, honestly, Wilder.

What am I doing?

Running around

Queens in the middle

of the night,

crashing Indian

bar mitzvahs two...

weeks before my

wedding with a man...

- who's technically

my husband.

Beats me, Em.

- Would you like another one?

- Mm, yeah.

- I used extra eggs.

- Thank you, Daddy.

- I wish Mom were here.

- Yeah, me too.

She'd know exactly

what to tell you,

wouldn't she?

You're doing all

right, actually.

- You still make

a mean breakfast.

I second that.

He also makes

amazing smoothies.

Is there time for one?

- Um, no. Uh,

Lauren, this is Emma.

Emma.

- Oh, my God.

- Hi.

My mom loves you.

I'd listen to your...

show, too, but I

don't have a radio.

Which reminds me, is

there a mall here,

or a Best Buy or something?

Oh, there's a Toys 'R' Us.

Maybe they'll have

something for her.

Nice to meet you.

Wilder, it's been real.

Um, excuse us a minute.

- Is there something

wrong with you?

No, no, nothing.

I'm just late and I have

to go meet Richard, so...

- Don't jump to conclusions.

- No.

Thanks for breakfast, Father.

Sorry I can't stick around

for the smoothie.

You don't know everything

there is to know.

No, like some things

never get old,

and, um... My car is here.

Look, this time, you're

really wrong, Emma. You are.

Goodbye, Wilder.

Bye, sweetheart.

Daddy loves you, nonetheless.

The golf tee white is stylish,

but, um, I just,

it's been done.

And it's not as common as the...

picket fence white,

which is safe,

but it's a bit boring.

The Navajo white is bolder,

but it's sort of

in-your-face white.

I don't know, um...

They all look the same to me.

- In what way?

- In that they're all white.

Yes, but different,

I mean, wildly different.

Are you not going

to ask me about last night?

Well, I assumed it

went pretty well.

Bollenbecker Group

just renewed my...

contract five years,

thanks to you.

Now, all we need to

do is file those...

papers and we'll

put this behind us.

Um, well...

I don't have the papers.

- What's going on, Em?

- I don't know.

He had them at

the book signing.

Between the dinner

and the upanayanam.

Indian bar mitzvah, don't ask,

I misplaced them.

- I had them in my hands.

- Don't worry about it.

- It's so unlike me.

- It's all right.

I'm gonna take care

of everything...

from now on.

A white lie is still a lie.

It may be a subtler

shade of truth,

but anyone's who's looking

can see it on the wall.

So I should tell

him the truth.

I'm saying that

a cream-coloured,

ivory-hued, matte-finished,

half-truth...

will erode the foundation

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