The Adventures of Ford Fairlane Page #7

Open the window.

Sh*t.

- Hello?

- When I say "now", you run for the door, OK?

Eugh. What...

Kill him.

But not quickly. Ciao, Ford.

Anybody else in this situation

would sh*t a Miata.

- Ow. Come on...

- But I had a plan.

Not the greatest plan, but hey.

The old "gum on the earring

in the socket" trick never failed me.

I'd never even tried it.

- Now!

- Argh!

Argh!

- Out this way.

- No. This way.

I'd blown the case wide open.

It's too bad that my clients were dead and

that I had no actual proof against Grendel.

And now I'm on top

of the Capitol Records building?

So much for

climbin' down the fire escape sh*t.

Johnny and Colleen were lucky to be dead,

barkin'in that big chuck wagon in the sky.

At least they knew who the f***

ArtMooney was. I'm losin'my mind! Argh!

- Top of the world, Ma!

- (both) Mm!

- I left my purse. I...

- Fuckthe purse. We're gonna die!

And you say I never take you anywhere.

Ah, sh*t.

There is something so wrong with you.

Come on.

Come on. Here, here. Come on, you can do it.

You all right? Come on.

It's all right. If you fall, I'll make it.

(Zuzu) OK.

- Move, stupid.

- I made it. OK?

Um... Uh... Here.

- (gunshot)

- Ah! Oops.

The building is a symbol

of the music industry,...

..a business where

anything can happen.

And usually does.

Oops.

- Bull's-eye.

- Oh, ick.

- Ick.

- What did you throwthe gun away for?

- It just, oh... Yuck.

- Come on.

- Hello, hello.

- Oh! Hold me!

- Ford, help!

- (Smiley laughs maniacally)

Ah! Ah!

Hello, hello, fuckface.

- Yabba-dabba-doo!

- (Zuzu) What?

- (Ford) The ring!

- (Zuzu) What ring?

It's the kid's father. I can't.

Who do you think you are, Ford?

The tooth fairy? Kill! Kill! Kill!

- It's a long story. You knowthe kid?

- What kid? Oh, the kid.

- The Flintstone ring?

- The nice one?

Yeah, the nice kid I hang with.

My hair. My hair.

- Hey, Zuzu.

- Huh?

- Don't worry. I'll work it out.

- OK.

Excuse me while I kiss the sky!

Hey, Zuzu, I found my guitar!

I found my guitar!

It's all scratched up.

(tearful) It's all scratched up, Zuzu.

- Ford? I'll take her with me!

- Get off of me!

- I swear I will.

- Oh, Ford!

You're tearin' me apart!

I'm sorry, Jimi.

What the f***...?

Say hello to Liberace, a**hole.

Come on. Come on. Come on, you can do it.

Come on. Come on.

Thank you.

Thanks. Because, I mean,

I know how much that thang meant to you.

Well, hello, Mr Tongue. What a perv!

Yeah. You wish.

- (Ford) Don't look down.

- OK.

'Scuse me. Could you tell us howto

get to Mann's Chinese Theatre?

- Go backto Michigan, asswipe.

- No, we're from Wisconsin.

Yeah, and I'm from my dad's penis.

Get outta here.

(horn beeps)

How'd it go?

Did you get more proof against Colleen?

Colleen's innocent. And dead.

Well, I figured something out.

These binary discs?

They've got hidden bits that can be revealed

when interfacing with a third CD.

Oh, Ford! Look how cute.

Your friend's got his own star.

What friend?

You know, thatArt guy.

(Ford) Art. Art Mooney!

Art. Art, baby!

Art!

Art, baby. Third CD, anyone, huh?

I don't need no funky attitude

You spend so much time trying to be rude

Why the funky attitude?

Oh, no, I don't care how you're feelin'

I don't need no funky attitude...

Hey.

Julie! You sure know how it's done.

Thank you, Don. Uh, could I

talkto you in private a moment?

B-i-n-g-o. And Bingo was his name-o.

'Scuse me, but all I see is a condom factory

in Johannesburg, South Africa. Now what...

I believe the word

you're lookin' for is "proof'.

It's a front for a pirate disc operation.

Grendel's secretly counterfeiting

his own company's stock.

We're dealin' with a very sick puppy here.

Oh, my God. The door's locked.

We're gonna have to crawl down.

No. I knew it. I knew it.

Psych!

Moron.

What can I say, Don? You're a great producer.

You're a great friend.

I'm gonna miss you.

What can I tell you? It's business.

With friends like you, who needs enemas?

Dump the body in, shall we say, Chinatown.

(Ford) Hey, Don.

- How's the high blood pressure?

- Wait until the last minute, Ford!

Can somebody tell me

what the f*** is going on, like, slowly?

You see... it all started...

with this condom factory...

I'll write you a letter. Come on.

All right. You threw me

through a plate-glass window.

I hityou with my car.

I thinkthat made for a fair fight.

Maybe not.

(cheering)

The truth is,

there's a lot of love in this room tonight.

But I... I've...

- I've talked long enough.

- Oh, no!

Nowthe momentyou've all been waiting for.

I'd like you to meet the voice of the '90s.

Ladies and gentlemen, Kyle Troy.

(cheering)

(henchman coughs)

Ow. Sh*t, man.

I used to be just like you.

Abusing women

to hide my emotional insecurities.

You're seconds away from

the most embarrassing moment of your life.

Sam the Sleazebag to the rescue.

You said something about three CDs?

Uh, Ford... I'll do...

I'll do anything, man. I mean, we don't...

And may I suggest for dessert...

the copies I made?

- F*** me.

- Yeah, maybe later.

But first, why don'tyou tell me why

you're rippin' your own company off?

I read Billboard.

I couldn't believe how much Grendel Records

made and how little Julie Grendel got.

It's amazing how much you gotta pay

the actual artists who create the music, huh?

Those ingrate bastards really take a bite.

Look, Bobby Black found out about

your little African bogus disc company.

Stole your computer records.

Wanna tell me about it?

Bobby was stupid. He got angry.

His friend Johnny was more stupid.

He got greedy. Tried to blackmail me.

Me! Colleen knew better.

She knew what a monster I could be.

Poor Colleen just wanted no one to get hurt.

That's why I waited so long to kill her.

Face it. Making money is

the only art form left open to innovation.

Anybody says they're in this industry

cos they like music is a lying,...

..pathetic piece of sh*t!

(outraged murmuring)

Or a total idiot like this Kyle Toy,

or Troy, or whatever the hell his name is.

I've dedicated my life to making sure

that this industry is so disgusting,...

..so sleazy and so corrupt

it would have to self-destruct.

Two sambuca milkshakes.

I even pissed in the punchbowl!

You're a hell of a guy. You knowthat, Julie?

Since you're on a roll,

anything else you wanna talk about?

Why? You hiding a mike or something?

No. I am.

You little b*tch.

Why do birds... Hey!

Suddenly appear?

On the day thatyou were born,

the angels got together

And decided to create a...

Well, Mr Rock 'n' Roll Detective.

- You're out of the business.

- Ford!

Shake me, Jazz.

"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida", baby.

You're fired, Julie.

Ford.

Look. Look who I found. It's Damion Flemm.

He loves me, and he's taking me to Japan.

It's Disco Appreciation Night

at the Coconut Teazer. The one night...

Sorry, sir, but we got a report

that the psycho-killer groupie was here.

- Take good care of her.

- That shouldn't be too hard.

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