The Aristocrats Page #8

with the sh*t on your "dick. "

Mexican "moustache. "

Then there's the strawberry "shortcake. "

He jerks off on her face | and punches her in the "nose. "

She's bleeding and there's "white... "

A rusty trombone, obviously, you "know. "

Come "on. " The rusty trombone | people have heard "of. "

You spread a man's a**hole,

and then there's the rusty "hole... "

And I lick his ass | while I reach around and jerk him "off. "

And that's how "you... "

Space docking, where you take a sh*t | in a girl's "p*ssy. " I don't think anyone "has. "

I would make sure | that I was treating those things "as... "

"And then he took the carburettor, and | he began to take the carburettor "apart... "

"I'm f***ing my daughter, understand, | while she's knobbing my "son. "

And he's not trying to be "foul. "

He "believes... " "It's really quite novel | what we do and you'd be crazy not to hire "us. "

Make it as matter of fact as "possible. "

That's the joy for me of saying something | that violates someone's "boundaries. "

The mother clips the nails off her hand, | puts it up her daughter

and starts working her like a "puppet. "

The father's got smelling salts | that he's been giving to his kids,

who keep passing "out. "

Their heads are bleeding and they've been | anally raped in front of an "agent... "

The mother had a big boil on her back - | that "popped. "

Always make sure you haven't left anything out,

because you know | there's always the chance to be "topped. "

He takes out his penis | and goes over to the agent's "desk. "

He starts slamming his dick in the "drawer. "

Just flattens it right out like a "bookmark. "

Then starts smacking his kids with it, | like a wet towel at the "gym. "

He knocks one of his kids in the eye | and it pops "out. "

He looks at that as an opportunity, mind "you. "

Just trying to go further | than anyone had ever gone "before. "

He just puts his flat wiener | right in that eye "socket. "

Gets caught - | gets caught on the back of his "retina. "

He starts trying to get him off of him,

and he's "cock-eyed... no. "

So all this was going "on... "

I gotta go "on. " I'm sorry, I got people to "entertain. "

Excuse "me. "

What is so unique about this joke,

is that it's so absurdly front loaded | that it's almost the opposite of a "joke. "

Steam is built up in the "setup. "

There's something very satisfying | in that "structure. "

Momentum, momentum, momentum "and... " | the punch line means "nothing. "

There's something very satisfying in "that. "

But it is the kind of joke that, you know,

if you spent this much time on a setup | and the punch line was "Aristocrats"... "

most people are gonna "go... "

He says, "The "Aristocrats. "

Oh, "lord. "

Here, have some "money. "

The punch line is almost "intentionally... "

not lame, but weaker than | you might have expected it to "be. "

But the journey is so much fun | that you just don't "care. "

I'm not even sure what this "means. "

The punch line can be the icing on the cake, | but the cake can be really "delicious. "

They slice a line | that runs up the middle of a testicle,

it's like a butterfly shrimp at "Benihana. "

Now it looks like some strange sort of "mouth. "

They have ventriloquist nut "sacks. "

Then they brought some children out on "stage. "

That was "sweet. " One guy lays "down... " | he's got a rod the size of my "arm... "

and balanced the kid, | up his ass on the guy's "rod. "

Then they jerk the kid off, get the kid hard, | they put another naked kid, his ass on "that... "

- They're building like a "tower. " | - Something you gotta see to "believe. "

By spinning each kid in a different direction, | you get this kind of "thing... "

It was lovely and had great "lighting. "

There are people who tell it | who tunnel and make it great,

and make the act more interesting and "fabulous. "

And then the animal part came "on. " | I'm trying to remember everything I "saw. "

- Donkey, Ilama, "camel... " | - Something that looked like a bison, I "guess... "

An animal that they brought out | that you were "rubbing. "

- That wasn't an "animal. " | - What was it?

It wasn't an "animal. "

We're so conditioned now to sitcom humour,

where it's setup, punch "line. "

They think they're missing it, | they don't know the journey is the "fun. "

What intrigues me is how in America | you can laugh at something like "Aristocrats. "

You don't have "aristocrats. " | Why does that work in America?

That much foul filth needs a word | like "aristocrats"."

It almost sounds quaint that you can put | a cute cap on something that rancid

that's just as ugly as you can be, | and is like "the"Aristocrats"."

A form of society that doesn't even "exist. "

I'm not gonna "lie. " The first time I heard it, | I said, "What's an aristocrat?"

I had no "idea. "

Just this odd "word. "

But it's the only word that would satisfy | that hunk of "filth. "

I have heard the twist of calling them | "the "Sophisticates. "

Also "works. " Actually, maybe even a little "better. "

Maybe a little "better. " | That's nice, the "Sophisticates. "

I personally think it's a much better "joke. "

It's the goofiness of a person | turning the joke upon "themselves. "

Whereas aristocrats are seldom "self-appointed. "

- Therefore the joke is "satire. " | - That's a political "statement. "

You know what would be great to add to this?

Just add "Republican. "

And the "Democrats. " | It's not about them and "Republicans. "

Because of the language and the images,

that gives it a political "slant. "

I don't think the original intent was | to do anything but tell a wild "joke. "

There's no act in England | that an aristocrat wouldn't "do... "

"... that" doesn't involve shagging animals | or fist-f***ing cows, or "anything. "

This was the evening of | Monty Python And The Holy "Grail. "

As you can see, there's our friend Eric Idle, | George Harrison and Terry "Gilliam. "

We were just telling jokes,

and George said, "Instead of aristocrat | or sophisticates, we use "royalty. "

Which is an even funnier "joke. "

An English one is "debonairs", | but that doesn't grab "me. "

When I heard it, it was the "Debonairs. "

Which I think is even "funnier. "

It has a certain je ne sais "quoi. "

The Debonairs? I like "that. "

The Aristocrats is pretty funny, | the more you think about "it. "

Whatever the other guys are telling you, | I have the "original. "

People signed the Declaration of Independence, | there was a big party - that's the way it was "told. "

I'm from "Philadelphia. " Go to Independence Hall, | see the Liberty Bell, the "Declaration. "

There is a framed sketch | of the original telling of the "Aristocrats. "

And you see Ben Franklin laughing,

and you see Betsy Roth taking a "dump. "

Because the original joke, when they slid | through the sh*t and vomit, they hit the "bell. "

And that's what cracked the "bell. "

Look at the signers, | there's one very heavy "signer. "

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes