The Art of the Steal Page #4
All right. I'll do it.
But this one we do my way.
What did ya have in mind?
Well, let's just say things are
gonna get a little loud.
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[CRUNCH] That's where
the motorcycle kicks in.
Simultaneously, Francie
has broken out
of our giant,
ceramic Trojan Horse
with at least three minutes
of oxygen left.
Paddy's taking care of
the guards, after rappelling
through the ceiling and
changing out of his cat suit.
And Nicky's already
dealt with the main gate
using 2.5 pounds
of all-American TNT.
In and out in 4.25 minutes.
This may be the worst idea
in the history of the world.
We just need a computer guy!
Crunch, there is no
computer guy!
There's no dude who can feed a video loop to make
some security guard think all is hunky dory,
while burglars in cat suits
rappel from the ceiling.
By the way, I think Uncle Paddy's
black Spandex days are way behind him.
And as for
your Trojan Horse thing,
well, I don't even know
where to begin with that.
was kind of bad-ass.
Pardon me, you are who?
He's my apprentice.
Oh. So you're a wizard now?
Ah, f*** you, Nicky.
Look, the Reverend's got
somebody on the inside.
And we need to find out
who that is. Uncle Paddy,
I want you to call the Reverend
and get us a name.
[LOW-TEMPO MUSIC]
Call me Ponch.
I'm Nicky. Paddy.
Francie. Crunch.
Those are some shitty aliases.
Y'all sound like chocolate bars.
Where's Twix? [LAUGHS]
Oh, wait. Crunch Calhoun?
[GASPING] No! Dude.
I once saw you almost jump six
cars in Buffalo. Changed my life.
Listen, the Reverend said that
you could help us out for 10,000.
Tempting, but not a chance. No. I told the
Reverend everything I know for twice that.
And I got so sick from nerves I didn't eat,
sh*t or sleep for a week.
I'm not your guy.
If you were our guy.
If I were your guy, I'd go about
forgetting it.
There's 12 cameras, 12 of them.
That's one dozen cameras.
- Any in the storage room?
- No, but everywhere else.
Three guards, backup generator.
It's impossible.
I don't accept that.
Well, accept it, Snickers.
There's always a way.
All right, look.
I'll tell you what I told
the Reverend, OK?
That we called an expert.
Don't call me again.
You said, "She".
Who's the "she"?
- Who?
- The expert.
Olga Something-Long.
Olga Something-Long?
Olga Panofsky-Cienfuegos?
[PONCHO] Something like that.
[CHUCKLES]
Later, Crunch.
Wait, why... Who's,
who's Olga Something-Long?
Oh, she was intoxicating.
Thanks to Uncle Fucks-A-Lot,
there's no way we can get near her.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Wait. Why not?
Old Sloppy Balls McCarthy here
slept with her and then
slept with her sister.
She was intoxicating too.
It's too bad. Olga would've
helped out for a little cash.
She wasn't exactly a nun.
No, she certainly was not.
There's gotta be like,
what, ten experts
in the whole country
they could've called.
Paddy probably balled half of them.
Let it go. There's always another way.
[FRANCIE] Can we please stop
talking about old people f***ing?
- [PADDY SIGHS]
- [CAR ENGINE STARTS]
OK. I got the plan.
No. You've got "a plan."
This ain't a dictatorship,
Nicky.
[NICKY] We need a forger.
Let's call Dirty Ernie.
[CRUNCH] Dirty Ernie? No, if we
need a forger we call Guy.
What time is it in France?
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- Hello?
- [NICKY] Yeah, Guy, it's Nicky.
I do not know you, Nicky.
The son-of-a-b*tch
hung up on me.
Here. Come on.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- Hello?
- Hey, Guy. [SPEAKS FRENCH]
[LAUGHS, SPEAKS FRENCH]
Hey, Crunch!
Wow, no. Sorry. I just used up
the totality of my French there.
[LAUGHS] It's OK. When you speak French,
it's like a donkey cock right in my ear.
I'm on Paddy's phone so I'm gonna
keep it short. How ya fixed for work?
You are working? With Paddy?
- Yeah.
- With Nicky?
Listen, I'll explain it all
to you if you come over here.
- To America? Absolument.
- Not exactly America. Canada.
Hm. America Light.
[ROCK MUSIC]
[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]
[ALARM]
OK, you want to throw
things? Throw things, OK!
I don't give a sh*t! Motherfuck!
OK. OK. No, be careful with
that. No, don't do that, OK?
I want to see the piece of paper
that says you can go through that!
No, don't touch it.
That is $2,000...
He's clean. First Nicky,
then Paddy, now Guy.
- I'm telling you, something's up.
- This is bullshit!
- And you know it and you know it!
- I thought we had a 10-32.
Ten thirty-two? You trying
to impress me with numbers?
I'll give you an
impressive number: 52.
That's the number of millions
they said I stole.
I got a number for you: One,
as in you help me land this one
and you're out.
On the lives of my kids.
I've seen your kids.
You'd be better off
without them.
You're a c*nt.
You wouldn't know a vagina
if it was four foot tall
and staring you in the face.
I'm gonna punch you
in the f***ing...
- Aw, sh*t. Interpol.
- Interpol?!
[CRUNCH]
No, no, no. Don't look.
There's no way
that's a coincidence.
That can't be a coincidence.
What do we do?
What's the play?
- I'll talk to him.
- No.
He'll talk to me.
He won't talk to you.
I said no!
Interpol's a real thing?
I'm not going to cut
my f***in' leg off.
- Five minutes.
- Get outta here, Francie.
- Crunch... Yeah, OK.
- Now.
- Crunch.
- Sam?
Men of our vintage
should be retired.
You know, when I heard you were
working for the other side,
I just couldn't believe it.
At least tell me they don't
make you wear a wire.
No. They don't make me
wear a wire.
And I get to see some fine art.
So... what do you think they're
talking about down there?
Still about the art, huh?
My mother got me into it.
We were always hard up,
but she did her best.
Worked as a barmaid
between kids.
When I was ten or 11,
she took me to
the V and A in London.
And I saw an object
that blew my mind.
It was a drinking cup fashioned
from a single piece of jade.
It was just a cup,
but it was perfect.
And it made me look at
everything differently.
Turner, Monet, Vermeer,
those guys kept my eyes open.
It was a feeling I had,
a completeness when
art touched me.
I only started getting into trouble
And you...
what makes you do it?
Money.
Well, at least you're honest.
It's always nice to know...
...who you can trust.
I'm gonna find this painting.
Not because I want to get
you or your brother in trouble.
I just want to hold it.
Let me ask you a question.
You ever seen the inside
of Sing-Sing?
- I haven't.
- 'Cause I know a lot of guys
who would like to
f*** you inside there.
Are you hitting on me?
I will...
F***!
It's been a breath of fresh air.
Looking good, Sam.
Interpol? F***ing Interpol?!
I'm not going to f***in' prison!
I'm not cut out for that sh*t!
You see these f***in' arms,
man?
These wet noodles will prevent
very few prison rapes.
Francie, I promise
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"The Art of the Steal" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_art_of_the_steal_19687>.
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