The Back-up Plan Page #4

I really want to move on with my life.

About the future.

-Let's talk about that.

-Okay.

Because the future is now.

-Right?

-Right.

There's something that

I need to tell you.

Hold that thought.

Come here.

-l want to show you something.

-What is it?

-lt's cheese.

-l can see that.

No, no, no, it's new.

I had this idea to use these

two different types of goat's milk...

...to come up with something

really unique.

It's sweet...

...and sassy and complex.

I was inspired.

So, what are you saying,

I'm your cheese muse?

Yeah.

You're kind of hard

to read right now.

Well, l really want to kiss you...

...but it smells like cheese in here.

We have to take it slow, okay?

We can't have sex.

-Fine.

-Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Did you just--?

Holy sh*t!

Is my nose bleeding?

You punched me.

-l'm sorry.

-No. It's okay.

It was amazing.

It was like over-the-top amazing.

What was that,

like three or four for you?

Stan. Stan.

There's something l have to tell you.

Okay.

What is it?

Zoe?

Why are you crying?

I'm pregnant.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't

happen that fast.

No, I know. lt's hard to explain.

What are you talking about?

I'm pregnant.

Who's the father?

I don't know.

I mean, l know who it is.

I just don't know his name, exactly.

It's a donor from a sperm bank.

Seriously, what the hell

are you talking about?

-When did all this happen?

-Actually, it was the day we met.

Yeah, l didn't think to tell you...

...because I didn't think there was any

way that I could be pregnant so fast.

But why?

Because I wanted a baby.

I never met the right guy and

I thought that if l waited any longer...

...l might miss my chance.

All right, we just made love.

You tell me you're pregnant

with some stranger's child.

Don't say it like that.

You make it sound dirty.

I wanted a baby and l thought

I had to do it alone.

-lt was before I met you.

-l don't know what to say.

What am I supposed to say:

"Congratulations,

this is terrific news"?

I made this big decision

to do this thing.

And then I met you.

-l'm sorry.

-About what?

Getting pregnant

or lying to me about it?

-l didn't lie.

-You didn't tell the truth.

-Where are you going?

-l thought this would be easier.

To just disappear at the crack

of dawn? Don't l get a say?

You said everything last night.

No, I didn't.

You left out the part that you had a

girlfriend. That was pretty convenient.

I don't have a girlfriend.

That girl from the farmers' market.

She's not my girlfriend.

She was,

but that was a few years ago.

Olivia's in my class.

We study together.

Study what?

I'm a student. l'm still in school.

I go at night.

-Why didn't you want to tell me?

-Because it's embarrassing.

You're this incredibly accomplished

person and l didn't even finish college.

I mean, l got this great life...

...but l'm barely passing economics.

You know?

-Where are you going?

-Look, let's not drag this out, okay?

I lied to you, you lied to me.

We both have other plans...

...and being together

is just messing everything up.

We should just go

our separate ways. Goodbye.

So how did you two meet?

We can talk later

in your office or whatever.

Okay.

Well, everything seems

right on track.

A little blood. Quite normal.

You don't have to stay in here

if you don't want.

I'm fine. I'm good.

Now, l'm gonna do an ultrasound.

This is how we view the fetus.

Oh, you rub it on her stomach.

I thought you were gonna put

that huge thing--

In her vagina?

It's too early to go through

the abdomen, you see.

So we have to go through the vagina.

Vagina, vagina, vagina.

Maybe if l say it often enough, you'll

feel a little more comfortable. Vagina.

-lt's not working.

-Okay.

Okay, now, Zoe.

With a little bit of luck,

we'll see a heartbeat.

That's it? That little thing?

-ls everything okay?

-Everything is just....

What?

I see another heartbeat.

It has two hearts?

No, but you have two babies.

Are you gonna leave now?

Because this is more

than you bargained for.

You know,

it's more than l bargained for.

But just tell me, okay?

So l can be prepared.

I just need to sit here, you know?

-Okay.

-Okay.

-But then are you gonna leave?

-Okay, one kid is a lot.

Two kids is a posse.

I'm just getting used to us

as a couple.

And now all of a sudden

you're having a posse.

Are you ready for a posse?

I don't even know if I like kids.

Hey, beat it, pal. All right?

Look, l don't want to

cause a scene...

...but get your hands out

of your pockets...

...and get the hell out of here.

No, I'm talking to you,

because you're the only pervert...

...with his hands in his pockets

at a playground.

-l'm not a pervert!

-lf you don't have kids, get lost.

I have kids, okay?

A week ago, I didn't even know

she was pregnant...

...and now she's having twins.

I just saw the ultrasound.

The one that goes inside.

I know what you need.

How did this happen?

-Just take that off.

-This here?

-Yeah.

-Oh, man, l'm dizzy.

I'm sweaty and dizzy.

-That's normal, bro.

-ls it? Which one's yours?

-l've got three.

-Three?

Yeah, look. That's Charlie right there,

and that's Roxy.

-See that fella?

-Yeah.

That's Mack.

He's eating sand.

Yeah. By the time you get

to the third one...

...you don't worry so much

about that stuff.

What's it like, the whole kid thing?

It's great!

Except for the lack of sleep,

free time...

...sex with my wife...

...buck-naked Fridays

in the family room.

That's not the answer

I was looking for, man. lt's fine.

The best way l can describe it is...

...it's awful, awful, awful...

...and then something incredible

happens.

And then awful, awful, awful.

Then something incredible

happens again.

It's like this all day, every day, man.

I feel like I'm drowning...

...like l'm gasping to get

my old life back.

And then a small moment happens...

...that's so magical...

...so life-affirming

that it makes it all worthwhile.

This will be the best thing

you ever do.

Dada!

Hey, son.

I guess this would be that moment,

huh?

Yeah, this would be it.

Hey, what do you have there, son?

Poo-poo.

Well, almost.

Son, is that cat sh*t?

No.

-That's your sh*t?

-No.

This ain't even his sh*t.

Charlie, Roxy,

meet me at the bathroom.

What did l tell you about playing

with other people's sh*t?

So why are you upset?

It's so lucky.

To get pregnant on the first try

with frozen sperm is rare...

...but to get pregnant with twins?

I mean, come on, that is unheard of.

Okay, okay.

When you want to speak, you can.

Does anyone else have anything

in the meantime...

...that they'd like to share?

-Tabitha.

-Yeah, I'm having a hard time.

Luca keeps asking me

why his friends have two parents...

...and he only has one.

I knew this would happen someday.

I wasn't prepared--

-There's this guy.

-What?

His name is Stan, and he's fantastic.

Wasn't l just speaking?

You know how

you never meet somebody?

The kind of guy

who makes you rethink everything.

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