The Benchwarmers Page #4

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for a stadium is about to begin.

- Karl's!

- Karl's Auto Body, the bad guys...

... have taken the field in our Internet

Podcast of Benchwarmers baseball.

First to bat, Richie Goodman.

Fingers crossed.

- Come on, Richie.

- Easy out here. Let's go.

The pitcher pitches...

Strike!

I ticked it.

I ticked it again.

Strike!

Nice try, son.

- Just fouled two in front of salad girl.

- Nice.

Next up to bat, Clark Reedy.

All right, Clark. Here we go.

You're the man.

Those squirrels are definitely out.

That's my Miata! Kill him!

Hey, break it up!

Why is this happening?

Come on! Snap his femur!

Richie, help me!

Help me!

Mommy!

Come on, Gus.

- We need it.

- You can do it.

- Home run!

- Yeah!

Strike!

Strike!

Another one!

Oh, my God!

Strike!

Strike!

Gus Bus! Gus Bus! Gus Bus!

This can't just be about me.

I gotta get these guys more involved.

- Look alive, Clark!

- I wanna go home.

No, we need you, buddy.

No, you don't. I'm awful.

Come on, now.

Let's go, Tommy!

This one's coming

right to you, Clark.

It's up, Clark! Clark!

Clark, look out!

Attaboy! Good job!

All right! Good throw!

Use your mitt, son, not your head!

Get it in here, pal! Get it in here.

Hold, hold, hold. Good job.

Gus, come on. Let's end this.

Two outs. Strike this kid out,

like before.

A home run here would tie it up...

...and knock the Benchwarmers

out of the tournament.

There we go! Nice! Go! Run!

Make the play, Clark!

Clark, go!

Pick up the ball!

Run! Go, go, go!

Richie! Incoming!

What did you say?

- There we go! Nice! Go!

- Richie, get the ball!

The ball?

Behind you!

You're out!

What are you doing?!

Yes!

I'm sorry, honey,

we had another game today.

I pulled a muscle

sliding into second.

- You gotta be kidding.

- It's all right, I was safe.

Gus, we're trying to start a family.

I can't do it by myself.

I would hope not, because that

would make you a hermaphrodite.

We don't want that.

I'm glad this is a big joke to you.

Honey, I was just having a little fun.

Come on, don't go.

Gentlemen, yesterday's performance

was phenomenal.

All the online chat rooms

are exploding with enthusiasm.

Hey, Mel, why aren't we out practicing

on the field?

Well, I thought we could have

kind of a secret practice.

Maybe become more well-rounded

as a unit.

Nothing much.

Hitting, running, throwing, catching.

- Yeah, Clark.

- I heard you stunk.

- Shut up, Number 7.

- You shut up.

I'll kill you.

I want you guys to meet

an old friend of mine...

...who knows a thing or two

about baseball.

Ready when you are, buddy!

- Is that Mr. T?

- Dude, it's Dr. Dre.

No, no.

That's Reggie Jackson.

Yeah, no, I don't know.

Mr. October! Five hundred

and sixty-three home runs.

Twice World Series MVP...

...where he spanked

four consecutive home runs.

Three on three pitches.

Reggie bar and I met at tuba camp

when we were kids.

- Look at that.

- Oh, no way.

- That's you, Reggie?

- Why is that so funny?

- I was a cute kid.

- Oh, absolutely.

You're like a young Denzel.

I didn't know Denzel played Urkel.

Reginator and I went through

some tough times...

...with bullies and being picked on.

I can't stand that stuff.

Drives me crazy!

- Crazy!

- Easy, buddy.

Easy.

Anyway,

I told Reggie-Reggie-Oxen-Free...

...we're having problems

with our fundamentals.

He agreed to come and help us

run some drills. Isn't that great?

We'll do the same drills that I did

when I was a kid learning to play.

All right.

All right.

Hey, so whose house is this?

This is to teach you speed.

How is standing here gonna teach us

speed? What are you doing?

- Hey, run!

- Why?

- Go, go!

- Reggie, you're nuts!

Go, go, go!

Who in the hell is it?!

I was freaking sleeping!

Nobody messes with me!

I will rip your throat out!

Do you hear me?!

And I will find you!

You're in the bushes!

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry! Go back to sleep!

- Come on, guys, let's go. Come on.

- Run, run, run.

Who's there?

You better run, you smart alecks!

- Who is it, Brad?

- Just a bunch of punks...

...who better watch their backs!

Relax, smarty pants.

Let's finish the massage.

- Brad have a pool?

- I don't think so.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Oh, you little devil.

I'm gonna get you.

Nightmares.

This next drill, boys, is for your

catch-and-quick-release skills.

Hot potato!

No!

Excellent, Clark.

Clark, let it go!

- Throw it! Get rid of it!

- Come on, let it go!

Release! Release! Release!

Sorry.

Oh, dear.

Well...

The final drill is for

hand-eye coordination. Hit it, Mel!

Let's go racing!

- Look at that! Excellent!

- That's insane!

- Yeah, baby!

- You got it, buddy.

That's my friend!

Give me the bat.

Gus Bus! Gus Bus!

Thattaway to go.

Don't fall.

- You got it. You can do it.

- Hit it, baby!

Man, you can do it. You can do it.

Let me see it.

Clark, you're lucky I'm a billionaire.

The score is all tied up.

The bottom of the sixth. This is

the Benchwarmers' closest battle yet.

Strike.

All right, Clark.

See the ball, be the ball.

Strike two!

- Clark just made contact.

- With his own head.

Grab real tight and concen...

Hey!

- Better distance that time. Yeah.

- Thanks.

Richie's coming up.

The Benchwarmers need a hit here.

All right, Richie, here we go.

She's way out of your league.

- What's?

- You're probably a 39-year-old virgin.

Women don't think that's too cute.

Shouldn't you be at home,

like, combing your doll's hair?

Shouldn't you be at home

blowing a doll up?

That's the only action a tool like you

is ever gonna get.

Take it out on the ball, not his head.

Run! Run!

Move your ass, Richie!

- Run, Richie, run!

- You got it! Way to run!

Go! Go! Go!

Slide if you have to!

He's rounding third

and heading for home!

Bring it, dork.

Touch home plate!

Touch home plate!

Richie, touch home!

- Safe!

- He scores!

- Benchwarmers win!

- It's a miracle! It's a miracle!

I ain't a virgin now...

...to home runs, beyotch!

The Benchwarmers win a close one

on Richie's first home run...

... in the history of the universe.

We'll see you in game three.

- I never hit it.

- Can we have your autographs?

Are you serious?

- Yeah, you can.

- All right.

Write my name on the ball?

You see that home run?

Tell your sister about it.

Wait, do you need my address too?

You guys are making some noise.

This is music to my ear hair.

My dad has ear hair.

It's pretty scary.

Is "badass" one or two words?

- How do they keep winning?!

- These guys are turd nuggets!

- Who wants to wrestle?

- I'm in.

- All right.

- I'm good, I'm good.

Gotcha.

Howie, look,

they're not gonna kill you, all right?

They're dropping off

the cookies I ordered.

They look very aggressive.

- I think they wanna beat me up.

- Trust me, you'll be fine.

Just take the Thin Mints back

into the apartment.

- That's our food for the week.

- Fine.

You can eat the Thin Mints

at my funeral, Richie.

Hot. Hot.

Hot sun.

Cookie.

Sun, bad! Sun, bad!

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