The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Page #4

- Right or wrong don't interest me!

I'm no moraliser.

I leave all that to the preacher.

I'm glad. The mayor was thinkin' maybe

you'd want a little unnecessary publicity.

Unnecessary publicity?

Well, he's got me all wrong!

I'm not one of those sensation-mongers

out to boost his own ego!

Clear.

- How do you like it?

- It's different.

I designed this myself.

No, you tell your mayor he's got

nothing to fear from me on that score.

- He'll be happy to hear that.

- I'm a lawman. That's my interest. Right?

- 20 seconds.

- Oh, I'm on!

Friend Ed, I gotta go.

That's my cue. Come on!

Aprs vous!

- I'd love to do an interview with you.

- I don't think I'm the type.

Nonsense! You're what

the public wants to see.

We'll discuss it after the show.

I want you to be my guest.

This is the sponsor's booth.

Just make yourself comfortable.

Make yourself to home.

See you later, partner.

# He's out on the prowl

# Guards and checks the best he can

# Watchdog is a fighting man

# Watchdog will throw

his beam of light around

# If some folks don't toe the line

# Watchdog's light will shine

# Shine, shine, shine

And now...

the Watchdog man himself.

The eyes and ears of Texas,

Melvin P Thorpe!

Thank you, fellow Texans,

and welcome to the Watchdog Report...

...with yours truly, Melvin P Thorpe...

...keepin' an eye on what's goin' on

in this beautiful state of ours.

This week's spotlight will shine

on a shameful situation...

...that has been allowed to exist

for close to a hundred years.

I'm talkin' about

the Chicken Ranch, my friends.

The proprietor of this innocent-lookin'

ranch house is known only as Miss Mona.

And the man who turns his back

on her illegal operation...

...is Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd!

Did I say "illegal"? Yes, I did!

Now, I know that this is TV...

...so I'm gonna try to be

as delicate as I can!

Here goes, and may God forgive me!

- # Texas has a whorehouse in it

- # Lord, have mercy on our souls

- # Texas has a whorehouse in it

- # Lord, have mercy on our souls

# I'll expose the facts

although it fills me with disgust

# Please excuse the filthy, dark details

- # And carnal lust

- # Filthy, dark details and carnal lust

# Dancin' goin' on inside it,

don't you see, they've gone plumb wild

# I inquired, no one denied it,

now I think I'm gettin' riled

# Bodies close together,

arms and legs all rearranged

# And the sheriff does not close it down

# That's very strange

# Does not close it down,

that's very strange

# Mean-eyed, juiced-up,

brilliantined, honky-tonk cowboys

- # Oh, no

- # Mixin' with green-eyed, thin-lipped

- # Hard-as-nails, peroxide blondes

- # Oh, no

# Not to mention some types that

you'd never guess would venture near

# Actin' all depraved and loose and wild

90 miles from here

And now, our own

Melvin P Thorpe Singers.

- # Texas has a whorehouse in it

- Oh, my goodness, he's talkin' about us!

- # Texas has a whorehouse in it

- Suits me, Mom.

Doreen! Run get my heart pills!

- # Loveless copulation goin' on

- Hot damn!

- # And it must stop

- # Loveless copulation

- # Loveless copulation

- Loveless copulation?

# Texas has a whorehouse in it,

Lord, have mercy on our souls

# Texas has a whorehouse in it,

Lord, have mercy...

Aah!

- # Watchdog smells corruption...

- Can you dig it?

- Hey!

- # Loveless copulation goin' on

Don't touch that dial!

This is Melvin P Thorpe...

...sayin' I'll be back with new and revealin'

information about this and other cases.

Watchdog never sleeps!

# And it must stop!

Watchdog's gonna get you

# Gonna shine his light on you

# Watchdog's gonna get you,

gonna shine his light on you

Damn! That man is crazier

than a peach-orchard sow.

Announcin' it straight out on TV.

- So you been sayin'.

- Everybody's talkin' about it.

Not that it's big news to anybody

over three months of age.

But they heard it in their livin' room.

Sung. Sung to music.

And he actually called

my name on television?

Worse than that.

The son of a b*tch called mine!

Ed Earl, ever since I can remember...

...folks been jumpin' on me

for one reason or another.

But we're gonna beat this.

I ain't worried about it.

You know why?

Because I trust you.

Cos you're my protector.

Do you know he wears

a sock in his underwear?

A sock?

Yeah. All rolled up

like a Jimmy Dean sausage.

Well, I bet he's runnin' for office.

That's typical of them crusadin' fanatics.

They flare up every few months.

They're always confusin' crime with sin.

People get sick of hearin' it and

pretty soon it just clears out of the air.

- You're probably right.

- Well, ain't I always?

Mm-hm.

You know what I was thinkin'?

Just how much I miss the little stuff

we used to do, like goin' up to the lake.

Wouldn't it be fun to go up there, get

a couple of six-packs, and just get drunk?

Girl, that's the best idea you had all year.

When we gonna do this?

- Well, I'd like to do it tonight.

- So would I.

Well, I wonder who that is.

- Hey, Deputy Fred.

- Morning, girls!

- How's your tallywhacker hangin'?

- Fine...

- Hi, Sheriff.

- This better be important.

That Melvin P Thorpe is settin' up

his TV show in front of the courthouse!

- In front of the...

- Courthouse!

He's gettin' some pictures for the news.

He's got a whole posse of TV cameramen.

I think you better come.

- In front of my...

- Office!

- Son of a...

- B*tch.

- I cannot believe that sucker!

- He even brought his own singers.

Wait till I get my hands on him.

- Go get him, Sheriff!

- Come on, Deputy Fred!

Ed Earl, please don't go doin' something

stupid you're gonna be sorry for!

- Watch your temper.

- Everything's gonna be fine.

Leave that little shithead to me.

Howdy again, neighbours. Melvin P Thorpe,

the old Watchdog himself...

...shinin' a spotlight on Gilbert,

the little town with the big shame.

Who's that fella in them trick britches?

I don't know, but it's too late

in the year for a carnival.

One of them TV folks, looks like to me.

We're here at the Lanville County

courthouse to ask local citizens...

...how they feel about

the infamous bordello...

...runnin' wide open

in their American hometown.

Cut! All right, stay with me, boys.

And when I start the music, I want

you Dogettes to start with me, brisk!

Good people of Gilbert,

may I have your attention, please?

I would like to speak to you about

a matter of great importance.

Let's hear it, Melvin! Lay it on us.

I'm speakin' to you about nothin' less

than your community's moral health!

I'm talkin' to you about

official blindness...

...official corruption,

official malfeasance.

- He sure is wound up.

- Yep.

I'm just waitin' for Ed Earl to get here.

He's gonna kick that boy's ass.

It's no big secret.

You know what's goin' on in this town.

And what's goin' on is evil...

...immoral, brazen

and against the law!

Hit it.

# Texas has a whorehouse in it

# Lord, have mercy on our souls

- # Texas has a whorehouse in it

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