The Bet Page #6

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Yeah, no. Okay...

When I was growing up, my

dad he made us this VHS

tape that had like

six movies on it.

It was made in that super

poor person's speed.

I guess you

weren't poor, okay.

Well it had Blackstar

Fighter, Flight of Dragons,

Beast Master, Monster Squad,

and Harry and the Hendersons.

Hey look...

I've been thinking.

Summer's almost over and

I've had a really great

time hanging out with you.

I know that we are just

friends, but what if we...

We went?

-What if you and I...

-What if you and I...

-Went out?

-If you wanted...

What if you and I went...

On a date?

Are you?

You are, you're

asking me out.

Are you asking me

out on a proper date?

What if I was?

I'd really have to

do the maths on that.

I don't know.

Probably think about it.

Quite frankly, I'm

not attracted to you.

It would be me

doing you a favor.

Really?

You know, were you

in a grease fire

or something because

your face...

Maybe I can change your mind.

Denton!

Where have you been?

Grab me some cans of beer

and a handful of those

grapes and let's get

the hell out of here.

It's cool.

We can pick up where we

left off later on tonight.

-Tonight?

-Yeah!

On our first

official date.

Where?

It's a surprise.

Just pick me up here

later after work.

Okay.

Well thanks a lot, man.

I was just about

to kiss her.

You haven't hooked

up with her yet?

You've seen her fifty

times this summer.

You're gonna f*** this up.

How? What are you

talking about?

You're in love with her.

I am...

That is not...

How would one know though

if they were in love?

Close your eyes.

Okay.

-Imagine yourself f***ing her.

-Okay.

Her pants are around her ankles,

she's bent over the bed.

It's really hot, her

hair's kinda tussled.

You just blew a load

right inside her.

-Epic.

-Okay. Alright.

I mean, you've

stained her soul.

What do you wanna do next?

I kinda just wanna cuddle.

F***.

How are you supposed to

focus, man, when you're

all f***ing puppy dogs

and ice cream upstairs?

Where are we going even?

Hey, guys.

This f***ing

guy's gonna do it.

He has eight or nine f***ing

b*tches there already.

Yeah, I'm telling you.

The guy has a cock like a

f***ing gold cock, man.

That's very

unfortunate news, Bob!

It's like a f***ing

broken fire hydrant.

You should see

the kid spraying.

This is f***ing

jizz f***ing city.

And one of these f***ing

children, the mother came...

She slipped on the jizz.

You okay? Because if you're

not okay, I'm not okay.

He's doing much better

than I thought he would.

I can't lose this bit

to that lanky f***.

We gotta get serious,

real serious.

Operation Derailment Serious.

Denise!

Sit down.

You nervous?

No.

-You look nervous.

-Nope.

She look nervous to you?

Definitely looks nervous.

I'm not nervous.

I'm gonna cut

to the chase.

We know you know

about the bet.

We know you're

one of the girls.

And we know you blew

Denton in the lobby.

There's a video.

Serge here has seen it.

Yeah, it was a

sweet f***ing BJ.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

Here's what you

need to do for me.

Help me win the bit.

How do I help

you win the bit?

I can't unblow him.

Well you're a crazy

super stalker, right?

You got his

passwords and sh*t.

Just his social media

info, email accounts,

social security number,

home phone, home address,

parent's phone,

parent's address.

I'm gonna stop

you right there.

We actually just need

you to log into one of his

email accounts and send an

email to Amanda Morrison.

Alright?

Pretend to be Denton.

Say it's an emergency.

I don't give a f***.

However you do it.

Get her over to that garage

battle station that they have.

When she sees what he's

really up to, she's never

gonna talk to him again.

Let alone f***

him, am I right?

And then we got

this in the bag.

Paper or plastic!

Or bring your own bag and save

the environment or something.

He's just such a good guy.

I don't feel comfortable like

messing up his whole thing.

That's so cute she

thinks she has a choice.

You're gonna feel

comfortable with it or

you're gonna be fired.

Go now psycho.

What are you doing?

Do my bidding.

What are you doing?

Just get the

f*** out of here.

-Okay!

-Get the f*** out of here.

-You just had to say that.

-Go!

I don't understand

you two.

Yo, did you

watch that tape?

Yeah.

Crazy ones can really

suck a dick, am I right?

I know, I'm going to the psych

ward for my next blowj*b.

Well this is the place.

Looks like a

f***ing shithole.

Wait, Kendra lives here?

Yeah, and she thinks

you're a doctor.

So you're gonna

want to suit up.

I'm getting a disease just

looking at this place.

Are you packing jimmies?

No.

That's okay. I got

plenty in the glove.

Wait a minute, why do you

have a water pistol in your...

That's not an

ordinary water pistol.

It's filled

with your seed.

Why do you have a water pistol

filled with my seed in here?

Well, you know that

place you donate sperm?

Yeah?

Well yeah, I snuck in in

the middle of the night

and grabbed a bunch of

your cum and filled up

this water pistol here.

Why?

Well, you know, just in

case there was some chicks

you couldn't pull down.

It's a contingency plan.

Okay. You know what?

Just give me that back.

-It's my cum.

-I need it.

You know what?

I got money...

-This is important?

-Can I have my...

Give me my cum back!

-Geez.

-Sorry.

You know, I always knew

you'd be successful.

I have great

intuition with men.

Except for the

ones that I marry.

You got a little

one, do you?

-Seven.

-No sh*t.

Four boys, three girls.

But they're with their

respected fathers tonight.

I thought that it'd be

nice to give us a little

privacy since you were so kind

to take a house call, doctor.

Doctor...

Mhm.

Is so formal.

You know, just

call me Denton.

Just regular old

Denton will do.

So what seems to

be the situation?

Yeah.

My wrist.

It's like really been

giving me trouble.

- It really hurts to...

- Take a look.

Think it could be?

Do you think

you could help?

I do, I do....

Let's have a...

listen to the old ticker.

Yeah, yes.

Yeah.

I've heard this before.

I'm afraid you have

poor circulation.

And I think you could

be in immediate danger.

My!

What should we do?

Well I think we should

probably start by getting

you out of that tight,

restrictive top.

Yeah, maybe even those

tight, tight, tight pants.

Are you sure?

Yes, very sure.

Very sure.

It's the first thing we

learn in doctor school.

That must

have been so hard.

It was.

Yes, it certainly was.

But when you see the look

of pure laughter on a baby

child's face after

a successful brain

appointment it makes

everything worth it.

You know that you're

doing the lord's work.

These hands, I'll tell you,

they've seen some stories.

Denton!

Denton, it's me!

Amanda?

Denton, I got here

as fast as I could.

Is your dad okay?

Mr. B, Mr. B, Mr. B!

-Wake up, wake up, wake up!

-Damn you, Phil Collins!

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