The Boatniks Page #4

lt's a Tom Garland first.

We finished dinner,

and l didn't even

spill anything on you.

You see? You've broken

your jinx. l told you.

Well, l'll drink to that.

Oh!

So, if we run into

a really serious fire at sea,

by running all the pumps,

both self-contained and auxiliary,

we can pump as much as

five tons of water per minute.

- Five tons!

- Wow, that's a lot of water.

Okay, good. Now, if you all

step into the wheelhouse,

l'll show you some more

of the equipment.

- l'm very impressed, Mr. Garland.

- Thank you, Miss Fairchild.

Your knowledge overwhelms me.

- You're too kind.

- You're truly a man of the sea.

Well, it's in my blood.

- lf you step to the starboard side...

- Port.

l'd better write that on my cuff.

This is our weather information.

We get that from the Weather Bureau,

and from the radio.

This shows a low-pressure area

moving in...

- What does that mean?

- lt could mean a number of things,

low clouds, overcast.

We might even

be in for a little fog.

What does that book

say about fog, Harry?

Not much. But there's

a whole chapter on insubordination.

Harry? Maybe we ought to stop here

until the fog lifts.

Fog is just what we needed,

it's the perfect cover.

But are you going

in the right direction?

You ever heard of dead reckoning?

Have you? Have you?

- ls that what you're doing, Harry?

- Of course.

All l have to do is keep an even keel

and a steady hand on the tiller.

And this time we wind up

in a Chinese restaurant.

[ship's horn sounding]

[horn sounding]

lt's really closing in, sir.

Bearing zero-four-five degrees.

Range, 500 yards.

- What does that mean?

- A boat's coming across our bow.

We'll have to go around to stern.

- Right ten degrees.

- Right ten degrees.

[horn sounding]

- [Max] Did you hear that?

- [Harry] l heard it.

Sounds like the foghorn of a boat.

Maybe they'll be able to help us.

Help! SOS! SOS!

Will you shut up? lf there's one thing

we don't want, it's help.

l hear a motor.

- lt's getting closer. Change course.

- l'm changing, l'm changing.

- [horn continuing]

- He's steering a very erratic course.

He's changed heading

and is back on our bow.

- Right standard rudder.

- Right standard rudder.

[horn sounding]

- lsn't he supposed to answer?

- He's supposed to.

But he isn't.

- What are you doing?

- Give me room.

Our blip has turned again.

We're still on collision course.

- Where's the blip now?

- ln the sea return. We've lost him.

[crashing]

We found him.

- [Max] We're sinking.

- l know. Charlie.

lt's the only one l could find.

- Give me that. l can't swim.

- Neither can the picnic basket.

Ahoy, there.

You all right?

You sank our boat. You smashed it.

Send for the Coast Guard.

We are the Coast Guard.

Walsh, lower the boat.

- [Garland] Break out soup and blankets.

- Give me that.

- What are you...

- More important to cover the basket.

Harry? Harry!

lt's gone.

Somebody up there hates me.

Don't panic.

We're lowering a boat.

l was wrong.

Somebody down here hates me.

Ensign Garland,

you are a menace to boating.

l know that sinking ships

is a tradition,

but it should be theirs, not ours.

lt may be no excuse,

but they failed to state their position.

- We lost them in the sea return.

- You're right. lt's no excuse.

And the report does show, sir,

that we were in heavy fog.

lt was a beautiful day

when you ran that boat on the rocks.

That's true, sir.

l'm warning you,

Ensign Garland,

father or no father,

if you goof up just one more time,

you'll lose command of the Point Maley,

and l will write a fitness report

that wouldn't qualify you to command

a kayak in the Bering Straits.

- Yes, sir.

- Dismissed.

[Harry] Okay, Max.

Stop the boat here.

Yeah, that's it.

Are you sure this is

where it went down?

Are you kidding?

l'd know that buoy anywhere.

Look, toss the grappling hook overboard.

You, start fishing.

Now, when you hook the basket, bring it

up carefully and don't spill any food.

- Does salt water ruin salami?

- Not like white bread and mayonnaise.

- Ahoy. What's burning?

- Nothing's burning.

Then why did you radio

that your boat was on fire?

Well, would you want

everyone in Balboa to know

that your husband

was locked in the head?

Garlotti, Wagner, get him out.

This is hard work.

Give me a hand.

- Harry told me to fish.

- Keep fishing.

lt's our plan.

Charlie's our cover.

Does your master plan include...

Wait a minute.

- l feel something. Give me a hand.

- Come on.

Well, that's just what we needed:

An out of tune guitar.

Keep grappling.

[whistling, horns honking]

[Garland on bullhorn]

Clear the area.

Clear the area.

- Clear the area. This is an emergency.

- [horns honking]

Mayday, Mayday!

For heaven's sakes, Mayday.

What happened?

l went to... l went to reach for

my chart and my skirt got caught.

Then l tried to get it out

and my scarf got caught.

Oh, for heaven's sakes, Mayday!

First, stop your engine.

Reach around with your hand

and cut the throttle.

My hands are staying

right where they are.

All right.

l'll have one of my men swim over

and cut your dress loose.

l need a volun...

All right, get rid of it.

- Max, start the motor.

- Giving up?

We're never gonna find the

basket grappling. l have to think.

Reel it in, Charlie.

- l think l got a bite.

- Charlie, put that pole down.

- Max, let's go.

- He's nibbling.

Would you give me

that thing? Ooh.

- lt's gotta be a whale.

- Wait, what are you doing?

Hold on, Charlie.

Hold on.

- Let it go.

- l can't!

lt's a rented pole.

What are you doing?

Don't leave the wheel.

[screaming] Harry!

Will you let go of my neck?

- Walsh?

- Sir?

Look at that boat.

[Walsh] Looks like they're doing

at least ten knots backwards.

- Head for 'em.

- Aye, sir.

[Garland] Ahoy, there!

Ahoy there, fishing boat.

- Let him go, let him go!

- Throttle down that motor.

We can't.

Throttle down that motor.

That's an order.

How can we throttle it down?

We haven't started it.

lf you don't slow down, l'll have

to give you a ticket for speeding.

- Give it to the fish.

- Whoa!

[Charlie] Max!

Oh, oh.

- Can l give you a hand, Mr. Mitchell?

- Oh, no.

Just practicing lashing myself

to the mast.

Bound to run into

a storm out there.

l hear you rescued

half the boats in the bay.

Just routine, Mr. Mitchell.

Just routine.

A man told me you and your crew

really risked your necks out there.

Danger is our business.

Sure l can't talk you out of

taking that trip, Mr. Mitchell?

Oh, no.

Don't you worry about me.

- l've prepared for any emergency.

- Oh.

l've even gotten pretty good

at drilling my own teeth.

Well, good luck, Mr. Mitchell.

Well, hail the conquering hero.

l don't know why everyone's

making a big deal over a few rescues.

lt's just relief.

You were sinking so many boats,

- nobody knew where you'd strike next.

- Thank you.

- You know where Kate is?

- At the Dexter slip.

Say, do you want to come

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