The Boatniks Page #5

with us tomorrow?

- We're going on our annual cruise.

- You're actually going in the water?

- Renting a motor and everything.

- Where are you going?

- Across the bay.

- That's the whole cruise?

Buzz Langley is giving a surprise luau

on his yacht for his ex-wife.

The boat's still in her name.

[Garland] l'll have to pass.

Try me next year.

Well, in case you change your mind,

what size do you take in a grass skirt?

[Garland] Kate?

Hi.

Before you say a word,

what l did today was just routine.

Not anything any other officer

wouldn't do,

and the rescues

weren't as sensational...

...as l'm sure

everyone has told you.

l heard you were just fair.

[both chuckling]

l just got invited

to Jason's annual cruise.

Would you believe

it's across the bay?

Last year it took

three days to get there.

- Three days?

- And four nights.

Oh. l believe it.

Oh, uh, your picture's

in the paper.

l wish everyone wouldn't make

such a big deal out of these rescues.

Oh, it's for the fishermen.

Don't you notice anything strange

about that photo?

Outside of the fact that

it's not my good side, no.

You think it's odd you're the only one

anybody can recognize?

Every photographer

loves a pretty face.

Tom, l don't think those men

wanted to have their photos taken.

With a fish like that?

Come on, Kate.

Well, l think they're phonies.

And l think you're being

overly-suspicious.

Oh.

Well, you may be right,

l suppose.

lt's perfectly natural for three men

to catch a record 565-pound sea bass,

and not want to have

their photograph taken.

What are they doing

with the diving suits?

Beats me, sir.

- All set, Charlie?

- l don't think this is gonna work.

Of course it's gonna work.

You heard the man at the surplus store.

All l have to do

is read this pamphlet.

Why me, Harry?

l don't know how to dive.

Give me a hand, Max.

All right, head for their boat,

ten degrees to starboard.

Make it look casual.

Yes, sir.

Ten casual degrees to starboard.

l hope that book is better

than the sailing one.

That book just didn't

include a chapter

on how to avoid being sunk

by your own Coast Guard.

- [Max] Speaking of the Coast Guard...

- [Harry] Start fishing.

But for heaven's sakes,

don't catch anything.

Now they want us

to think they're fishing.

Any sign of the guy

in the diving suit?

No.

- Keep heading for them.

- Casually?

Just steer.

- Harry, what's that?

- What's what?

- That's a shark, a shark!

- Will you be quiet?

- Any noise and it might attack.

- The boat?

No, Charlie! He could eat him,

the wet suit, picnic basket, anything!

Here, take this.

Shark! Man-eater!

Stop thrashing.

The shark'll know you're afraid.

He's already found that out!

Shark!

- [Charlie] Shark!

- Mr. Garland.

There's a man in the water

yelling ''shark.''

Wagner, break out the rifle.

Throttle down.

Harry!

Charlie, don't panic.

Stay calm.

Charlie, don't worry.

lt says in the manual

sharks don't like to eat people.

Tell that to Long John Silver.

Harry.

That Coast Guard guy's got

a gun in his hand.

Charlie's got a better chance

against the shark. Hold your fire.

Hold your fire.

He's just a kid.

Harry, he got him.

Poor Charlie.

What a way to go.

Charlie!

You're all right!

Charlie, Charlie,

l'm so glad to see you.

l think l got the bends.

Just don't depend on me

for mouth-to-mouth.

Max, come on.

No, no, no!

Max, my mind is made up.

l wouldn't go in water,

even in a submarine.

You want to leave two million bucks

down there for the halibut?

Don't forget the sharks.

With your share, you can spend

the rest of your life on easy street.

- With a wooden leg.

- Take my word for it...

Quiet, quiet.

Hello?

ls this long distance, operator?

Long distance?

To where?

l'd like to place a call

to Tokyo, operator.

- To... Tokyo?

- That's right, yes.

lt's person-to-person

for Mr. Masomori Tanohara.

The number is

Fujiama three-two-five... Five.

Two-five-seven-one.

Right. lf there's no answer,

try Kamikaze

six-two-nine-one-four.

Yes. Okay, l'll wait.

Harry, l'd like to ask you

a personal question.

- Why are you calling Tokyo?

- Why am l calling Tokyo?

- Why are you calling Tokyo?

- Of course...

Hello. Hello, Masomori.

lt's Harry Simmons.

Yes. Yes. Oh, fine.

Raising Cain on Cherry Blossom Lane,

you sly old samurai?

Why are you calling...?

How's your wife?

Sorry about that.

How's your geisha? Good.

You win some, you lose some.

Harry, why?

Look, Masomori, baby,

l need a favor.

What l...

No, no, no camera.

What... Forget the motorbike.

What l... l got watches!

Now listen. What l'm really

in the market for is...

Do you know a good pearl diver?

[brass band playing]

That's a girl.

lf you just sit down.

[man] Let's hustle up,

fellas. Come on.

- [man] Okay.

- Right about here'd be swell.

Just a head shot, not too much

of the zoom in and out.

Good luck, Mr. Mitchell.

- Thank you, Mr. Garland.

- Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Get the kids out of the way.

All right, you set now?

A two-shot, okay? Good.

- Good. Mr. Mitchell?

- Yeah?

l'm not gonna keep you too long,

because you're anxious

- to get on your trip around the world.

- That's right.

Our viewers are anxious to find out

how your family feels.

Why don't you ask them?

They're right there.

Oh. Move it, move it.

Okay, let's clear it out.

Right. Good.

Okay, fine. All right.

Are these all the Mitchell kids?

This is the whole Mitchell family.

Okay, Mrs. Mitchell,

how do you feel about an epic voyage

that will keep your husband away

for three years?

- l certainly hope so.

- [children crying]

- Hi.

- What did you find out?

They said it would take days

to check the yacht clubs

for a Commodore Simmons.

Oh.

What do you think

they're up to?

l don't know,

but they're up to something.

Uh, maybe they're smugglers.

- Or even spies.

- lf they are, we just won the Cold War.

Did Simmons tell you

where they're staying?

Yeah, l think it's

the Yankee Clipper Motel. Why?

l'll go over there

and see what l can find out.

- Tom?

- Yeah?

- What if they come for the boat again?

- Stall them until l get back.

All right.

- [cheering]

- [brass band playing]

Oh, oh.

Oh, oh.

Look out, look out!

- [screaming]

- [crashing]

Oh, oh.

[children crying]

l don't see any guy that

looks like a pearl diver.

You expect him to get off

in a bathing suit?

- Maybe he missed connections.

- l better call the airport

and see if there's a missed...

Hold the phone.

You guys see what l see?

Will you...?

Will you...?

Excuse me, miss.

Are you the one...?

- Are you the one...?

- [speaks Japanese]

What's that?

What's she saying?

Hey, it's for me.

''My name is Chiyoko Kuni.

l am pearl diver sent

by honorable Masomori Tanohara.

Very honored

to make your honorable acquaintance.''

Me, honorable Harry Simmons.

A beautiful chick. Too bad they

couldn't send one who speaks English.

ln our line of work, it's good to

do business with someone who can't.

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