The Boss Page #3

---

- Hi.

- Hi.

(SNORTS)

Whoa.

Claire. Wow.

Hi, Dana.

My goodness, you are so late.

I am?

You're right. You're absolutely right, Dana.

I'm three minutes late.

Hey, do you work at the excuse factory?

I wasn't making an excuse.

I was just agreeing that I was a little...

Well, I think that you're saying

this is an excuse factory, right?

Hey! Yo, Dana! Hey, hey, hey.

MIKE:
So, hey, I wanted to tell you.

There is a bunch of people

gathered in the break room...

What, why?

...just raving about

your fourth-quarter review.

Who is? What?

That's why I was late.

Because we were all up there, you know,

trading our favorite Dana stories.

So it was... It's positive...

It's good buzz?

There's a lot of good buzz?

Buzzworthy. Absolutely, yeah.

I mean, they're raving.

- I have to go get coffee.

- Yeah, you do. (CHUCKLING)

- She's a nightmare. She's a tool.

- (SIGHS)

She's so many things.

She is definitely a lot of things.

Uh... (CHUCKLING)

Look at this, look at this!

We have so much in common, me and you.

We have a good banter here, right?

A little back and forth.

I think maybe we should

try and keep this

little banter wagon going, right?

Maybe we can go hang out...

We can dish about the boss,

and gossip about stuff and...

You know, probably do it

over dinner or something,

'cause all that dishing can be exhausting.

Work up an appetite.

Yeah, well, I'm... First of all, I'm flattered.

It's a little complicated for me.

I'm a single mom and I really try to, you know,

devote a ton of energy to my kid,

and see her as much as possible.

I just don't think that it's a good time.

Yeah, cool.

I was hoping you would say that

because I love rejection, so... (CHUCKLING)

- Cool.

- Cool.

Sorry.

- (SNORING)

- Michelle.

- Michelle.

- (GASPS)

- MICHELLE:
Hello.

- Hi!

Hi. Hello, Claire.

Surprise!

What are you doing here?

Oh, well, I had stopped at our old office

and the security gentlemen did mention

that you were now the curator of my estate.

So, I just thought I should pop over

and maybe pick up my things.

Okay, I guess you wanna come up and grab it.

- Yes, absolutely.

- Do you need...

If you'd like, you can grab that trunk.

Oh, no.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, this is just...

This is...

This can't be all of it.

I mean, this isn't all of it. This is...

Where are my things?

My paintings, or, I mean,

my Degas, my rugs, my...

- Where are my things?

- I'm really sorry, Michelle.

They seized everything.

This is what's left.

(SIGHS)

Martha Stewart got everything back.

I mean, they rallied around her.

They loved her more.

Well, Michelle,

know that Rachel and I are rooting for you,

and, if you need us, you can always call

or send a letter here, or just a quick text.

Um, do you want me

to help you out with this?

If she doesn't have anywhere to go,

she should stay here.

Honey, she knows plenty of people.

She has plenty of places to stay.

Tito won't return any of my calls.

My sweet Tito.

F***ing Tito.

(SIGHS)

Mom, we can't let her sleep on the street.

Do you really not have anywhere to go?

No. I don't.

Okay, you can stay here.

But for a very limited amount of time. Okay?

- Yes.

- Just until you get back on your feet.

- All right?

- MICHELLE:
Yes.

CLAIRE:
It's a small space. You know.

It's tight sometimes for Rachel and I, so...

It is really small, it's like...

It's freaky small.

Well, but you're welcome, here.

If you need to crash, you can have the couch.

- Yes. We'll draw straws.

- Okay.

It'll be a fun kind of roommate...

It's not a negotiation.

...stuff. Okay.

Ha.

A bed inside a sofa. That's neat.

Well, it's old, but it's comfortable, so...

Thank you, Claire.

Good night, Michelle.

It's...

Well...

This isn't so...

(YELPING)

(GROANING) Oh, my God! Oh, God!

Claire!

I think I've shattered my pelvis.

(SOFT GROAN)

(GASPS) Oh, Michelle! Oh, my God.

Claire!

Michelle, why are you in my bed?

Because your sofa threw me against a wall,

and I've had a cellie for the last six months.

I find it very difficult to sleep on my own.

Wow. Okay. You're kicking up a lot of...

Is that from... Is that me?

- I think...

- (BLOWS)

Yeah, that's me.

You know what? I got into

a wee bit of your Scotch last night.

And, you know what else I tried

that I thought was terrific, was a Dorito.

I think it was the cheese.

I mean not a cheese found in nature,

but cheese-adjacent.

I just thought it was wonderful.

What a wonderful chip.

(SIGHS) Michelle, you can't sleep in my bed.

I don't want you in here.

You gotta get it together, Michelle.

I am together, okay?

This morning, I'm meeting

with a bunch of old colleagues.

I'm gonna pour this into something

creamy and delicious,

and see who takes a big sip.

Get out, out of my bed.

God. I see why this half of the bed

maybe is empty.

Okay? You're a real

B-I-T-C-U-N-T in the morning.

You think about that.

Michelle, you gotta get out of the bathroom.

I'm already late for work

and Rachel's gonna be late for school.

MICHELLE:
Well, I'm going as fast as I can.

You're welcome to come in.

Fine, but we gotta get on a schedule

if you're gonna be here...

(GASPS) Oh, my God!

Close your robe.

No, absolutely not!

I'm self-tanning and my legs are still wet.

I can see your vagina.

Well, congratulations and you're welcome!

You know, I had it rejuvenated in 2010.

They call it a vaguvenation!

You know, it's like a soft silk coin purse.

I can barely urinate.

Oh, my God!

Now, do me a favor

and tell me if I have

any streaks on my hamstrings.

(GASPS) Oh, God! Put it away!

- Whoa.

- Put it away.

Hi, Raquel!

It's Rachel!

Go grab your backpack, honey.

We don't need to brush our teeth today.

Our teeth are fine.

You need to wipe some of that off your face.

You know it dries darker?

- No, does it?

- CLAIRE:
Yes.

But that's not what the bottle says.

Oh, it's okay.

It's coming off like a dream on your towel.

CLAIRE:
You need to clean up the bathroom.

And consider staying away

from self-tanner altogether.

Your pelvic region is the color of curry.

(WHISPERING) Namaste, Claire. Thank you.

It's not a compliment.

Oh.

(MOANING)

BRYCE:
All right,

here's a little joke for everybody.

What do golfers do on their day off?

Putter around.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Tom, I'm gonna crunch

those numbers for you,

but I'm going to

make you pay through the teeth.

Oh.

Bryce Crean!

Oh, my God! How long has it been?

You old son of a b*tch!

It has been too long!

Terri. Hello, gentlemen. Hi...

Carl.

Oh. Look at that beard.

How's that old ball-and-chain Pam

treatin' ya? (CHUCKLING)

Pam passed away four months ago.

(SOFTLY) That's tough. That's tough.

We're kind of in the middle

of something here, Michelle.

So, thank you very much.

Word on the street, Bryce, is that

you're just about to close on that Kraft deal.

So if you want me to head up that division...

I think I could be a pretty big asset

to you on that account.

You've got no capital and nobody likes you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes