The Boss Page #5

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That sounds terrific, okay?

MICHELLE:
Sandy, I love that kerchief.

(SOFTLY) Was that necessary?

- Super necessary.

- Yeah.

(METAL RATTLING)

(MICHELLE CHATTERING)

CLAIRE:
Michelle?

- Hi!

- What are you doing?

What is all this?

This is my way back, m'kay?

You are looking at Darnell 2.0.

I wondered when you were getting up.

Have you not gone to bed yet?

No, I have been up and percolating

since 11:
00 p.m. last night.

- Just great stuff, Claire!

- Okay.

You're having a breakdown.

No, no, no!

I'm having a breakthrough, because of you.

Sit down, I gotta show you this.

Let me introduce you

to my new golden goose...

Darnell's Darlings.

Rough sketches.

So, I know. Those will be perfected.

But, really, tell me,

what's your initial thoughts?

- Stalin.

- Okay.

- Communist youth.

- All right!

Japanese-y black power?

My takeaway from that is "powerful."

Powerful imagery

and I'll take that any day of the week.

Why are you up?

Sit down, sleepyhead. Let's wake it up.

Claire, we're gonna start a brownie company.

No, we're gonna start a brownie empire.

Okay? And we're gonna call it

Darnell's Darlings.

Illinois alone has 25,000 Dandelions.

They're pulling in, in one year, $32,500,000.

This is a global company.

The Dandelions are making

a billion dollars a year.

Is that going in your pocket?

Helen's probably pocketing it.

I mean, that horrible b*tch would

take teeth right out of a kid. Am I wrong?

If she could sell teeth,

she'd rip kids' teeth out.

I'm gonna let it go, but Helen's horrible.

The Dandelions are a non-profit, Michelle.

That money goes back

into great programs for the girls.

MICHELLE:
Oh, great programs?

That's interesting.

Rachel, do me a favor.

Tell your mom what was

the last "great program" you completed.

Go ahead, go ahead.

Scout leader Sandy

gave me a "Social Butterfly" badge.

That's great!

Tell her what a "Social Butterfly" badge is.

I had to hold a conversation

with a new person for 30 minutes...

- Okay.

- ...and demonstrate

how to be a good hostess.

Next week, I'm thinking

maybe they'll arrange marriages.

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna design

a special new badge for the Dandelions.

It's gonna be a real big one,

so no one misses it.

And I'm gonna make it a picture of a woman.

A real sad woman with apron strings on,

bent over in front of an oven.

And it's gonna say, "You know why

we like vaginas better than your mouth?

"Because they don't have teeth

and they don't talk."

And you could turn that badge over

and you're gonna realize

that there's a man in the oven

and she's giving him a blowj*b.

Good luck earning that!

Michelle!

I heard everything anyways.

These girls are gonna earn some real money

that can go towards a college fund,

give them empowerment,

give them a good sense of self.

I find that exciting, Claire.

It's a nice idea, Michelle,

but it's also a crazy one.

Claire, I want you to listen to me.

You have an amazing product.

- You make a mind-blowing brownie.

- Okay.

And I can sell anything I believe in,

and I believe in your product.

We can be partners.

Not my assistant. Fifty-fifty.

That's how much I believe in this.

What do you say?

I have to keep my job, Michelle.

This is... It's just too risky.

(SIGHS) Come on.

You don't even like your job, Mom.

Oh, that was beautiful timing.

I didn't even set that up.

You know what, Claire?

Keep your terrible job.

Do this on the side.

Okay? Plus, it's gonna get me off your couch.

I'm in.

- You're in?

- CLAIRE:
Mmm-hmm.

Let's do it, people!

Okay, Rachel, you go get dressed.

I'm gonna take you to school.

We're gonna get some new recruits!

(YAWNS) It's 4:
00 a.m.

I'm going back to bed.

Night, sweetie.

What? Okay, you know what?

You get your rest, you're gonna need it!

We gotta recruit some Darnell Darlings today!

Claire, my quarterback,

I need you to bust ass into that kitchen

and start making pan

after pan after pan of brownies,

'cause that's how fast

I'm gonna sell 'em, okay?

- Right now?

- Right now! All right?

I may have tried to preheat that oven,

so I think there's a little bit of a gas leak.

- Huh?

- If you think about it, it may be

why you guys are feeling a little logy.

Hey, Rach, you know what?

Don't go to sleep! Don't go to sleep!

Oh, my God!

MICHELLE:
Okay. We may have to walk her.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Ah. You know what?

It feels good to kind of

put the shine and polish back on again.

People say it doesn't matter, but it does.

- Puts a little kick in your step.

- (MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING)

Who is that beast?

That's Chrystal Delveccio.

She's always getting into fist fights.

- Later, Dad.

- MICHELLE:
That's perfect.

That is exactly the kind of gal

we want to recruit.

You know what? Another little tip.

Look for girls that

are named after precious stones.

Topaz, Sapphire, Opal, Amber.

They're all gonna spiral down.

We want to get 'em

when they're angry and fresh going in.

Why don't you check out

Chrystal's availability?

Got it.

My mom never lets me drink coffee.

Really, why?

She says it'll stunt your growth.

That's not true. That's crazy.

What, do you wanna be freakishly tall?

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

All right. Get in there,

drum up some good recruits.

(GASPS) I feel kind of sweaty and scared.

That's just the coffee kickin' in.

It's good for...

Oh, you know what?

Wait a minute, let me see something.

Oh, I may have switched them.

This one's yours.

I put a little splash of bourbon in mine.

That's okay.

It's kind of a secret weapon.

It's what makes the Irish so mean.

And I can say that 'cause I'm Scottish!

Go get 'em!

SANDY:
And so, due to some

unforeseen complications,

and just, um...

Giving up...

Spaghetti passed away last night.

Listen up, motherfuckers!

Michelle, language!

Who here wants to hear about

an un-freaking-believably

exciting opportunity?

Huh?

All right! Woo! Look at this group!

All right. What's with all the long faces?

Did somebody die? (CHUCKLING)

Yeah. Spaghetti died last night.

Who is Spaghetti?

The cat.

The cat? Oh. Can I be honest?

That cat probably killed himself

because his name was "Spaghetti."

Right? Hey-oh!

- Michelle.

- MICHELLE:
Oh...

All right, okay.

Why don't you take off, Sandy?

It's my meeting and I'm...

Okay.

Go catch it. Go catch it.

Really sorry about your loss.

MICHELLE:
As you already know,

my name is Michelle Darnell

and this is my partner.

And by "partner,"

I don't mean like girl-on-girl kind of stuff.

- Whoa!

- What's "girl-on-girl stuff"?

Uh, well, great question.

I love an inquisitive mind.

Girl-on-girl stuff is really just referring to

something you're

probably gonna dabble with in college,

but not stick with, you know?

Let's not... Don't tell her that.

Unless you're Hannah.

- Hannah, you're gonna stick with it.

- (GIGGLING)

Don't... You know what? Let's...

And I got a hunch

that your mom should've stuck with it.

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