The Chumscrubber Page #3

- I think so.

- That sucks.

- I guess.

- Where do you live?

- 25720 Sunnycrest.

What do you mean?

I live on Sunnycrest.

Yeah. I know.

Put Crystal back on the phone.

Are you guys just f***ing

with me again, or is this real?

No, I think this is pretty real.

- Yes?

- Hi. Is Charlie here?

He's not really in a talking mood.

- But he is here.

- I'm sorry. Who are you?

- I'm Dean.

- Isn't it kind of late?

It's for school.

OK. Come right in.

See if he'll talk to you, at least.

His room is right there

at the top of the stairs.

- So, you're a friend of Charlie's?

- No, not exactly. No.

Yeah. Charlie doesn't have

a lot of friends yet.

He's not really socially gifted.

But he's a good kid, basically.

- Listen, I just...

- Good night. Thanks for coming.

No, no, no. I'm still here.

Wait, I've got an idea.

Have you eaten yet?

Why don't you stay for dinner?

Honey, I don't think tonight

is the best night.

But I can get that

special-ordered, right?

Oh, Michael.

I don't care if you have

to fly it in from the moon.

Have it here by Sunday.

Thank you.

Terri, wait. Wait.

Is there anything else?

Yeah. Could you

tell Charlie I said goodbye?

- OK.

- OK.

Hello, Allie.

Carrie, hi. How are you?

- Am I interrupting?

- No, come in.

I'm just in the middle

of making dinner.

- Would you like a glass of wine?

- Well, I left the car running.

I just wanted to come back

and return your dish

and say thank you.

It has been such a relief

to not have to cook lately.

Everyone has been so nice.

What?

This dish...

Oh! Oh, my God.

This is not the right one?

I got so many, I mean,

I've been driving around

all night returning them.

Like I say,

everyone has been so nice.

I don't believe

I brought over a casserole.

Can you hang on

just one second, Carrie?

Allie, am I making a mistake here?

Bill and I were meaning

to come over, really.

You just get so busy.

No, but I'm certain.

I mean, you came over,

we had coffee.

We talked, right?

Or am I...

...just imagining

the whole thing?

Is that what I'm doing here?

Am I just...

...imagining all of it?

I'm sorry, Carrie.

You just get so busy sometimes.

I'm so embarrassed.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Here you are, preparing

a nice family dinner...

Would you like

to stay and eat with us?

And I come in and interrupt

everything with no reason at all.

- Why don't you stay?

- I really can't.

I have so many dishes to return.

Everyone has been just

so unbelievably nice.

- So, we'll see you on Sunday?

- Sunday?

Don't tell me that

I forgot your invitation too?

Troy's memorial.

It's this Sunday.

Of course, Carrie.

Right. We're looking forward...

We'll be there.

And...

...I wanted to let you know,

just in case you were wondering...

Yes?

In no way, whatsoever,

do I blame you for Troy's death.

Good night.

Crystal, come over here.

We're gonna have a concert.

- I'm fine here, Mom.

- Baby, don't be shy.

She's been filling out

a little bit lately.

Which is completely

natural for your age.

I just hope I look

as good as you at 35, Mom.

Go ahead, Charlie.

Yeah?

I mean, you are 35, right?

Actually, I'm 39,

sweetheart, you know that.

- You're 39?

- Anytime, Charlie.

I don't have my sheet music.

The only one I know

by heart is Tequila.

Well, for someone almost 40,

you look great, Mom.

Well, thank you so much, sweetheart.

- 40 years old. Wow.

- There's no real... I don't know.

The marching band,

the melody doesn't go to the tuba.

- We know the tune. We'll recognize it.

- More wine, Jerri?

I would love some.

You are such a charmer.

Did you know I'm going

to the Air Force after graduation?

- Did you know that?

- No.

They accepted me for

the pilot training program.

Just like your dad, right?

No. No, he was just a mechanic.

He couldn't even pass the eye test,

but me, perfect vision.

20/20.

- It's a gift.

- It's wonderful.

Just wonderful.

- Miss Falls?

- Jerri, please.

Any time. Let's do it.

The Chumscrubber.

I live in the city.

In an apartment above

the cloud left by the blast.

I'm one of the lucky ones.

One morning,

I woke to find that my head

was no longer attached to my body.

I'm not dead,

but who could call this a life?

Get ready to die.

So I did what I had to do.

In a world of freaks

and subhuman creatures...

...I became the Chumscrubber.

Chumscrubber.

- Hello?

- Crystal?

- Yeah, it's me.

- Hi...

Listen, I just want

to ask you something.

When this whole thing is over

and we see each other

at school, or wherever...

Yeah?

I don't really

know how to say this...

No, what is it?

Well, it's...

Can you just...

... Ieave me alone?

- What?

- No, I mean it.

- Leave me alone.

- I didn't mean for this all to happen.

Don't try to act

like you know me.

Don't bother me,

don't ever talk to me again.

Why the hell would I want

to talk to someone like you?

Exactly.

I'll get you

Troy's pills tomorrow.

Let's go, Michael. We have

a million things to do today.

Terri, could we

slow down for a minute?

- I was up all night...

- Morning!

I really want

to talk to you about this book.

Certainly a lot of activity

around your house lately.

Well, I am getting

married tomorrow.

I know.

That's just so wonderful.

I did want to ask,

I don't mean to be rude...

- Go ahead.

- Well...

Your people are parking

just wherever they like.

And the cleaning crew?

Those Mexican folks,

they backed right into my yard.

Look, you can see.

Just right up over the flowers.

Not a word of apology.

You mind if we deal

about this a little bit later on?

I didn't mean to cause

a problem, especially now,

while you're preparing

for your wonderful wedding.

I have a million things to do today.

I know what you mean,

because I'm having the service

for my son tomorrow

and I have things

to prepare, as well.

And I will definitely

need my fair share

of parking spaces

for my guests.

- I understand.

- I don't mean to be a nuisance.

- Not at all.

- But I did want to tell you,

just in case you're wondering,

in no way, whatsoever...

Point taken!

I can't believe

the nerve of that woman.

She knew

it was my wedding this Sunday.

Can't she find another date

for her memorial?

Dean? Honey? Breakfast!

Were you watching me?

No.

I must've been slobbering

all over myself like a retard, huh?

You look nice.

I bet.

- Come smoke with me.

- OK.

Have a seat, it's all ready.

- Turn off your game now.

- Sh*t, Mom.

What did I tell you about

swearing in this house?

- You're against it?

- Right. I am against it.

- I'm not hungry.

- Just have some eggs, then.

- OK, I've gotta go.

- What?

I've got a meeting with the agents.

We're talking foreign distribution.

Bill, it's Saturday.

I was hoping we could all

do something together as a family.

- I'm not going anywhere.

- Has anyone seen my case?

- That's a great attitude.

- Welcome.

- I just brought it out. I just had it.

- Dean, you have to eat something.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote