The Clapper Page #4

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With my hand on my chin

You got a way of making things

all right, you know?

- Thanks.

- Whole five bucks.

You only ever get a little bit

of gas at a time.

You noticed, huh?

Well, I like to come by

and see you, you know?

Ooh

Yeah, I like...

I like seeing you, as well.

Yeah.

I got something.

I got something for you.

I almost forgot. Hold on.

["LOVE AND MERCY"

BY BRIAN WILSON PLAYS]

Ah

Ooh

Oh

Oh

Ah

Oh

I was showing you

the idea, right?

Just flash cards,

I don't know.

You don't even need it now.

The speaker's fixed.

It's still a good idea.

It is what it is.

- I don't know, it's all right.

- It's great.

Yeah, I'm gonna get the gas.

MAN:
I'm invisible.

You can't see me.

I'm invisible.

No one can see me.

No one can see me.

I'm invisible.

I'm invisible, Judy.

No one can see me.

- Hi, Thomas.

- Really, I need some water.

Yes.

[COINS AND PLASTIC CLATTERING]

Hey! Hey!

What the hell, man?

Eddie, it's okay.

That's Naked Thomas.

His wife left him, and it says

it makes him feel better.

The water.

It's weird, right?

Uh, yeah.

Weird. You think?

No, he's harmless.

All right, well, maybe I should

stick around a little bit

to make sure, you know?

Right? You never know

with people like that,

especially naked ones.

I got a chair, all right?

It's right in the car here.

I feel really bad for him.

He must have

really loved her.

That or he's just crazy, right?

Is that all right if I sit here

for a little bit?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

[Eddie sighs]

- Eddie?

- Yeah? Huh?

Do you think it's weird

that I'm working here?

What?

Do you think it's weird,

me working here?

I mean, at the gas station?

It's like the kind of job

that's like really blah.

But do you know

why I work here?

I don't think it's blah.

I mean, maybe a little,

I guess.

No, I mean,

like I need the money, right?

But I don't know.

I mean, sometimes at night,

it feels like

all the normal people,

they just disappear.

Can't argue with that.

But like everybody

is kind of nowhere

on a night like tonight.

Does that make sense?

Or am I just talking crazy?

Yeah, no, I, I understand.

I really liked

our French fry date.

Me too.

I love how weird you are,

you know?

You're like totally wacky,

like me.

I was hoping to save up to take

you to dinner someplace nice,

but...

maybe we could just do

another French fry thing

until then?

- I'd love that.

- Yeah.

All right, yeah.

That'd be great.

I'll put it on my calendar.

Me too.

This is actually great,

you know, in a weird way.

Definitely.

He was just here,

yelling and clapping,

and I just put it

on my Instagram,

and I already have

a thousand hearts.

Wow! Did you see that?

Personally, I don't know

what the hell was

going on out there,

but it seems our

Clapper has a baked potato

and some sort of an outlaw

upset with him

and his actions right out

there on Hollywood Boulevard.

Spider, I'm a little worried

about the guy.

[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]

[TV SHUTS OFF]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

I'm invisible.

No one can see me.

I'm invisible.

No one can see me.

I'm invisible.

No one can see me.

HERCULES:
Hey, hey, hey!

What do you do, buddy?

Hey, get out of here!

Why do you do this?

Oh, my God. Oh, my...

What do you do?

Is Hercules watching?

No, no.

He is doing his thing. Wow.

Hercules?

That's a great name.

I think he's still mad at you.

- Me?

- Yeah.

He towed my car.

He said that

you threw trash everywhere

and that you blocked his most

profitable pump purposefully.

There's just no mistakes

with this guy, huh?

Let's get out of here.

Oh, my God.

What did you do?

I never see no people

like this, buddy!

JUDY:
Is this weird?

EDDIE:
Hmm?

JUDY:
Is it weird?

EDDIE:
Yeah.

I mean, I've never

been here before.

JUDY:
It's just nice to see

the animals not behind bars.

Mm.

I mean, like, you know, they...

There's just nobody

stuck somewhere

that you don't want to be.

No, yeah. Hmm? Right.

You asked if I was married.

- Uh-oh.

- No, no, no, no.

It's not...

It's nothing bad.

I mean, I...

Um, I was.

A long time ago.

Diane. We grew up together

And then one day,

she just was gone.

She left you?

Yeah.

No, not like that.

Like... the earth.

Like one day we were

talking about traveling

and all that cool stuff,

and then...

and then all of a sudden,

she got sick,

and the next thing I knew,

she was gone.

And, um, you know.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

It's okay.

I'm sorry about

all these cheap dates.

No, really, like...

There's like all this

TV stuff going on.

I'm just a little out of it.

But I'm gonna bounce back.

- That's how it is.

- Yeah.

Right?

What about you?

Like, you want to

end up in Mexico

and do, you know,

that place with the goat,

and just do,

like, goat stuff?

Yeah, I would like to,

you know,

have my own place someday.

It would be nice, you know,

to start a shelter

or a pet store.

You know, I want something

with stability.

Yeah, no, stability,

I get it, yeah.

So you gonna do that or what?

I... Yeah.

I'm trying to save up.

Okay, yeah.

Well, you know, I mean,

we could be partners.

I could, I could come in

as a partner or something.

Like if that was...

I could partner...

Eddie, two nights ago,

some guy came to my station

at two in the morning,

wearing a TV on his head,

and it worked.

What?

And all I could think about

was how much I wished

that you were there with me

to see that.

Yeah.

And I just knew.

I...

I just can't tell you...

how nice this is...

to just sit here with you...

and just...

Stare at the bones.

Bones. Yeah.

See ya.

Yeah, for sure.

- [CHRIS LAUGHING]

- [KNOCKING]

Mr. Plork.

Door's open. Come in.

Oh, God. You're not...

Come on.

I'm not doing that anymore.

You never know.

Catch me masturbating once,

shame on me.

- Catch me twice, shame on you.

- All right.

Listen, I was just with Judy

at the thing,

and I got this

pretty incredible idea.

Who?

You got...

What are you watching?

The video on the computer.

They added some kind of weird

music in there for the Internet.

What? What is...

What is that?

Your head is about to explode.

EDDIE:
That's my head.

That's me.

- CHRIS:
Yeah, that's your head.

- EDDIE:
That's my...

- How did you do that?

- I didn't.

It's on the computer.

It's a video.

- You can take that off, right?

- Off the computer?

- Can't.

- Why?

'Cause I'm not Steve Jobs,

that's why.

Somebody's making money

off of that,

and it ain't us,

I'll tell you that.

I should charge you like

five bucks right now

- just for watching that.

- Why me?

You can't watch me

without my permission.

- Who put that there?

- I don't know. It's a computer.

- Can I tell you something?

- Yeah.

The producer guy

is behind this, right?

This is from the TV guy.

That's from the producer guy.

What's his number?

Give me his number.

- Who?

- The TV guy, come on,

It's time for him

to hear from me.

He's gotta hear

from Eddie Krumble now.

Can I just watch it explode

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