The Client List Page #3

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I do what I have to do,

and I don't get defeated.

Rex.

Jacie?

Hi, it's Sam.

Sam Horton.

I'm so sorry that

I walked out on y'all today.

I'll see you tomorrow.

A-V-O-I-D.

Avoid.

Vacuum.

V-A-C-U-U-M.

Vacuum.

Good. Now tableau.

Tableau. T-A-

So now can I go out for Hag football?

No.

It's not T-A?

No, I was talking to Brady.

You want an apple or an orange?

Orange.

Please?

No.

B-L-E-A-U. Tableau.

Perfect.

You're gonna do fine.

We're all gonna do fine.

Everything's gonna be fine.

There's nothing to be scared of,

I mean it.

Sorry. It's Mama's first day at work,

and I can't pick you up at school,

so to say I'm sorry, I put two

desserts in both your lunches.

Wow, your new job's great.

Come on, scoot.

I'm sitting behind Mama.

No, you aren't.

You went last time.

Mama.

You know, and I pride myself

on running a safe, clean business.

We provide a reliable service

at reasonable rates.

We're like Dairy

Queen, except not fattening.

We are open Saturday to

Thursday, noon to midnight,

but this being Friday, payday,

we start early

and stay till the last one leaves.

It's real important that I work only

when my kids are at school.

Oh, that's fine.

We do a huge lunch crowd.

All the outfits are

in a room in the back,

but each of these rooms

have everything you need.

There's condoms and oils

and such.

Oh, and drinks and Viagra

are on the house.

You give away Viagra?

It pays for itself.

The little blue pill

keeps us in the black.

We were worried

when the economy tanked,

but turns out that this is the most

recession-proof business there is.

And what about the police?

Oh, well, let's just say doughnuts ain't

the only thing they're getting for free.

Alrighty, let's get you

on in the back room,

because everybody's here

on Friday.

Alrighty.

Now, for everyone's protection,

none of us uses a real name.

Doreen is Sugar,

Emma wants to be called Salome.

She won't do anything that's

not mentioned in the Bible.

Lucky for us, that's not all limiting.

Tanya is Margarita.

Unless the guy's into Asian

chicks, then I'm Sake.

That's right, and I'm Big Mama.

I do mostly fetish stuff.

I got me some kick-ass feet.

So you, I think,

we are gonna call you Brandy.

Because you look like

you go down real smooth.

Brandy, okay.

Now, like you saw yesterday,

we screen everybody upfront,

but if you got any problems at all,

you holler. All right?

You know how to use a gun, baby?

No.

I'll teach you.

Tanya used to be a bounty hunter.

It's crazy.

Anyway, you got any questions?

No, I just feel like I might be sick.

First time's the hardest.

It's like the first time

you kill someone. It gels easier.

This was always easy for you,

come on.

What can I say? I love sex.

I'm getting paid to do

something I love.

That is such a blessing.

Right?

You know, the work is what it is.

You got to get into

your own headspace on that,

but at the end of the day...

Beats the hell out of waitressing.

Nine a.m. Well, it is Friday,

that's for sure.

Okay, girls.

This will help some.

I'm still getting used to it.

You don't even look old enough

to drink.

What brought you here?

I ran away from home

to try out for American Idol,

but they said I wasn't ready yet.

So I'm saving money

for a singing coach.

You can't get home?

My family's Pentecostal.

They're not real supportive

of my Hollywood ambitions.

I kind of liked being all rebellious

at first, but now,

I don't know.

The money's good,

but God's always watching,

you know?

I really did not need that thought

in my head right now.

Emma, honey, you're Room 1,

and, Sam, you're in Room 4.

There's some pretty little outfits

beck there for you, okay?

Oh, that feels really good, honey.

Mm-mm-mm.

Well, thank you.

So where you from?

Am I supposed to answer that?

No.

Sorry, I'm just kind of nervous.

It's my first time.

Not massaging, but, you know...

Really?

Yeah, me too.

Oh.

Well, now, look at us,

two peas in a pod.

So are you married?

Yeah.

That's why I'm here.

What the hell?

Well, that wasn't respectful.

This may be my first time,

but I'm pretty sure you're not

supposed to hit me.

A man is not supposed to

put down his wife.

When was the last time

you told her she was beautiful?

I don't know, but-

Men, they fall in love

with their eyes,

but women,

we fall in love with our ears.

Ah.

You remember that I said that.

Oh.

Dang it. I am so sorry.

That's my phone.

I forgot to turn it off.

Oh, it's my daughter's school,

I need to hike this.

Hey. Hey, baby, what's up?

No, you didn't.

You won the whole spelling bee?

Well, with what word?

Diphthong?

Now, that's a hard word.

Do you know how to spell diphthong?

What?

Okay, you know what,

we're gonna celebrate tonight.

Mama loves you. Bye.

Can you believe that?

This isn't quite

what I imagined.

You know, your kid calling,

me hiking about my wife.

Maybe I should just-

Okay, please.

Please, you can't go.

Look, I really need this job, and-

Can I just have a do-over?

Huh?

I promise

that you'll leave here satisfied.

Because when I do something,

I do it right.

And you know what?

Maybe I can help you get a little bit

more of what you need at home.

Now, when was the last time

that you bought something special

for your wife?

I don't know. Uh- Uh-

On her birthday, I guess, but-

Okay, well, then, you need to get her

something for no reason.

And I'm not talking about flowers.

I mean something real fancy,

like an expensive watch.

I'm sorry, honey,

this is not what I paid for.

Lookit, this isn't quite

what I had in mind.

I know what you paid for.

You're a very pretty lady

and all, but I just-

It's kind of not the right feeling

I'm getting here somehow.

Okay, this is what you paid for.

You see all that money right there?

That's just from one day.

I mean, I gotta worry about the kids,

and the bills, and the house, right?

I mean, I'm only gonna do it

until we get ahead.

I can do this. It's gonna be fine.

And it's gonna be fine.

Ugh...

Oh, my God,

I'm gonna have to pull over.

Hey, Sam, what's up?

I need some girlfriend talk, right now.

Well, stop looking so shocked.

I'm sorry, Sam,

but this is my shocked face.

If you want me to look different, you might

need to say something less shocking.

I was just hoping

for a little sympathy.

Thought Pretty Women was

your favorite movie.

Oh, God, I love that movie.

When is Julia Roberts gonna make

another one that good?

Dee, focus.

Sorry.

I just needed somebody

to talk to.

I couldn't tell Laura,

she'd have me arrested.

And, God, please don't tell Phil.

Of course I won't tell Phil.

What wife tells her husband

that someone like you is available?

Oh, God, Sam, this is just-

I don't know.

Wow.

That's what I made today.

Holy sugar.

I'm not proud of it.

You know, you work in a bar,

you kind of stop judging people.

Just please be careful,

and the sooner you stop, the better.

I will. Thank you.

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