The Client List Page #4

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So, what's it like?

Well, to be honest, the thing they

want most is for you to lie to them.

They wanna know their guts are small

and their johnsons are big,

even if the truth

is sharing you right in the face.

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, God,

please tell me I'm not crazy.

It sounds like men aren't the only ones

who wanna be lied to.

You got that right.

You go home.

I gotta go tell my fat husband

he's hot.

Hey, everybody, I'm home.

Hey, babe.

Hey.

I made spaghetti.

I can see that.

Sorry I'm running a little bit late,

but I went shopping.

What did you get?

Let me see.

For the spelling champ.

Suzy Style Doll?

And for you.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mommy.

And I think that's for you.

Does this mean I can play football?

Yes, it does.

Yes!

Hey.

Go out for a pass.

Can we afford this?

We can now.

Oh...

I'll work with him.

Come here, buddy.

So, what exactly

does an actuary do?

Um, it's a little hard to explain.

You're gonna be fine.

It's beautiful.

This is why

you're my favorite customer.

I am?

This is why

you're my favorite customer.

Really? Me?

Mm-hm.

He just gave it to me

right out of the blue.

Well, whatever you

two want, it's on me.

Thanks, Sam.

Little girls'.

Be right back.

I know you're not supposed to say

it, but I just love having money.

Loving it maybe just

a little too much?

Dee, come on. You know I've always dreamt

of not having to look at price tags.

And Rex doesn't suspect anything?

I mean, the watch, the earrings,

the necklace?

What do you tell him?

That they're all fake.

Come on.

Men don't know from jewelry.

Well, that's the truth.

Know what's weird?

Nobody even wants an explanation.

It's like I'm Santa Claus.

Just as long

as I keep giving them presents,

they can see me searing

through the sky with flying reindeer.

Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.

You awake?

Yeah.

I can't sleep.

Me too.

What's wrong?

It's just-

Look, I'm happy you're working,

and I'm trying to keep

some perspective on this,

but it's killing me that you're

the breadwinner and I'm not.

Baby.

No, I always said

that I'd protect you,

that I would hike care of you.

You want a massage?

No. You've been doing that all day.

Not to anyone who looks like you.

Yeah.

Hey.

I'm sorry about what happened

at the bar the other night. I mean it.

I love you.

I love you too, girl.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Jim.

Sam.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What do you think I'm doing here?

Well, this is embarrassing.

Well, I won't tell if you won't tell.

There's nothing to tell.

Nothing happened. I know your wife.

So what? She's treats you like dirt.

Don't you wanna stick it to her?

Not by you sticking it to me.

Now, get on out of here.

Go.

All right.

Hurry up, hurry up.

Santa's been here.

Come on, Mama. Come on, Daddy.

Hurry up, you guys.

Wow. Santa brought all this?

This is way more

than last Christmas.

And I thought y'all

were spoiled before.

Slow down there, kids.

Remember, Christmas is more

than just about presents.

Yeah, right. Happy birthday, Jesus.

Well, that must have been

some Christmas bonus you got.

Not bad.

But don't you think

you're working a little too hard?

I'm starting to see lines

on that pretty face.

Mama.

Don't frown, it makes it worse.

I'm just saying you look tired, is all.

Well, don't all parents

look tired on Christmas morning?

Now, go look under that tree

for a little box with your name on it.

Something very sparkly inside.

Yes, ma'am.

Look at this.

Your present's outside.

Okay.

What?

What are you doing? What is this?

Open your eyes.

Surprise.

No, you didn't.

I did.

Oh, Sam, I don't

even know what to say.

I mean, thank you.

I got something for you,

but, wow, next to this...

Oh, what the heck.

Well, 'Rex Horton.

Trainee.

It's an exterminating company

and the money's not great,

but did you know there are more rats

in east Texas than in New York City?

Sexy.

Don't even get me started

on cockroaches.

It's real good.

No, it's gross.

But it's a start.

Now stay tuned for

your local news, weather and sports.

Here's Jimmy.

Well, folks, if you moved

to Texas for the cool summon..

Ooh, there's a bunch

of guys out there.

Who knew this business

had a holiday rush?

A lot of lonely

people this time of year.

No, it can't be.

It can't be.

What?

What can't it be?

What is it?

It's the preacher from my church.

He's wearing the brown sweater

the choir gave him for secret Santa.

I picked out that sweater.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Are you okay?

I don't know.

Well, go on, then, get out of here.

But where?

I can't go home, and Idol auditions

aren't for another six months.

Baby, you can always go home.

As a parent, I always tell my kids-

Will you pray with me?

I gotta get back inside,

but you know what?

That Christian Fellowship Lodge,

it's right over there.

Say one for me, would you?

Excuse me?

So sorry to interrupt,

but I think God

wants me to tell you

what's going on

at that health spa across the way.

All right, all right, all right.

Hey. Hey, I made it.

I made it.

There's 20 seconds left.

You missed Brady's touchdown.

Brady?

Kid covering him

got stung by a bee.

Well, I'm sorry. It was my job.

I have a job too, Sam. I'm here.

All right, good game.

Hornets, come on, bring it in.

Bring it in.

Sam.

You okay?

Well, I just-

I can't believe

I missed Brady's touchdown.

Well, I'd love to say

there'll be many more,

but we both know I'd be lying.

Dee, I drove here so fast,

I almost got a ticket.

I swear, I'm doing everything I can to

keep it together, but it's too much.

So quit.

I can't.

Money's too good.

The house needs a new roof.

Rex is thinking about buying into

that company he's been working for.

I'll quit.

I will. I've got to.

I'm just so tired

of being tired all the time.

I scored a touchdown.

I scored a touchdown.

Brady. Oh, you got a touchdown.

I'm not scared of bees anymore.

I scored a touchdown.

I scored a touchdown.

Did you see me?

I did see you, yeah.

I can't wait.

I just can't wait for the finals.

I scored the winning touchdown.

Yeah.

Sam.

Sam, wake up, baby.

Sam.

Hm?

I guess I never heard the alarm.

I heard it way out in the garage.

Honey, this is nuts.

Last few weeks,

you've been wearing yourself out.

You gotta cut back on the hours.

I'm up.

I'm up.

Hey, have you seen Emma lately?

I haven't seen her since Christmas.

No, and I miss that little buttercup,

because it's so crazy around here.

I'll tell you what's crazy, me

sitting here bored and horny

while Sam's

got three rooms going.

Oh, well, don't go comparing

yourself to others, Tanya.

We all got our own strengths.

Though I gotta say,

Sam's been busy as popcorn.

Yeah.

Guys flying in from Germany

en private jets.

Guys buying her jewelry.

And three, three proposals.

That's gotta be like

some kind of record. Heh, heh.

I can't believe

it's almost 4:
00.

Dang it.

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