The Dictator Page #3

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An historic moment.

He's approaching the podium.

And he's walked

right past the podium.

What is he doing?

You are making

a fool out of me!

Let's bring in Denise,

our U.N. correspondent,

What do you make of that?

Well, I have to say,

he's got their attention,

Every eye in the mom

is on him right now.

And he's returning

to the podium.

And he's fallen

off the stage.

What do you make

of that, Denise?

You know, he's clearly implying that the

U.N. must fall before him.

Drinking from the

pitcher of water directly,

as opposed to

the glass that I'm sure must be up there.

What do you think

that means?

Again, it's another

attempt to say,

"Listen, I'm not going

to play by your rules. "

And he seems to have

a pitcher of urine out.

I believe he just

urinated in the pitcher.

He is now drinking

his urine.

It looks to be

his own urine.

Sorry. You want?

Trying to force it

on the Israeli delegation.

That might be

the ambassador.

He is dumping the urine

on the Israeli delegation.

Oh, that's a good one.

Okay, he's returning

to the podium.

Much has been made

of the hostility between our countries,

With the help

of the U.M.,

I will draft a new

constitution for Wadiya

and sign it in five days,

on Wadiya's Independence Day,

No, no, no.

This new constitution

will end the dictatorship...

No!

...and it will

turn Wadiya into a

democracy,

No! Democracy? Never!

Never!

The Wadiyan people

love being oppressed!

Dictatorship forever!

Come on! Come with me!

Hurry!

Hello, person. Person,

Black person.

The double that

you found is good,

He is almost as dumb

as the real guy.

So, Wadiya will

become a democracy,

China is a democracy,

too.

Once that constitution

is signed,

I will be able

to sell Wadiya's oil rights, Gazprom,

you will have control of

Wadiya's southern oil fields.

B.P., you will

control the north,

Exxon, you will have

all offshore rights,

provided you do not

use B.P.'s drilling rigs.

And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will

have the lease on our shale reserves,

Some of those reserves are

in densely populated areas.

Then unpopulate them,

After you've paid me

my 30% finders fee, of course.

Gentlemen,

So, you're going

to make billions,

What will you do

with all those dollars?

I will buy the house on Lake Como

next to George Clooney's.

I love George Clooney!

He's an old-fashioned

movie star.

He gay?

He suck my dick?

No, those are just rumors.

Are you a homosexual?

No, no, no, it's more

of a power trip with me,

Everybody has a price.

Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my

fingers for two hundred grand!

Oh, my gosh,

that was so crazy!

I am so honored

to be able to help you.

Finally, somebody

who knows who I am,

Yeah, of course!

You're the Wadiyan dissident who was

standing up to that a**hole Aladeen.

It was so brave of you.

- My name is Zoey,

- I don't care.

What's yours'?

My name is AIa...son.

- Allison?

- Right. Allison.

What's your last name?

Burgers,

Nice to meet you

Allison Burgers.

- You know, I...

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Allison, could you

please take your hands off my breasts?

Those are breasts?

I thought you were a boy,

- Where are you taking me to'?

- To Brooklyn!

So, yeah,

this is my store!

This is the Free

Earth Collective,

We are a vegan, feminist,

non-profit cooperative operating

within an anti-racist,

anti-oppressive framework

for people of

all or no genders,

We are

a pure democracy,

just like Wadiya's

going to be soon!

Get me clothes,

little man.

Oh, you know what, there's some in

the Earthquake Relief box

in the lesbian bathroom,

right there.

Right,

So, Allison,

we're the only store in New York,

other than that fascist

superchain Green World,

that sells your nation's

specialty fruit, mafroom,

which I know

you people eat a lot of,

Oh, I hope that didn't come off

like a cultural stereotype.

Because I'm, like,

the furthest thing from a racist.

I pretty much haven'!

had a white boyfriend since high school,

Well, the darker races

are less choosy.

Okay, that came off

as kind of offensive.

Thank you.

Anyway, let me give

you the grand tour.

Up on the roof,

we have this amazing organic garden

Boring! Do you sell

any assault rifles?

Oh, wait. I got ii.

Humor. Right?

Hook a feminist

clown workshop once.

Help! Help! I'm trapped

under a glass ceiling!

What the f***?

Iwasn't the best

student, but...

We've got this wellness center

downstairs in the basement,

where we do water birth.

Have you ever seen a water birth?

Not a water birth,

but I've seen a water death.

Wow. Was it moving?

There was actually

very little movement,

A little wriggling,

then two bubbles, and then a ig bloop

and the wallet floats up,

You seem educated,

Yes.

I went to Amherst,

I love it when

women go to school,

It's like seeing

a monkey on rollerskates.

It means nothing to them,

but it's so adorable for us,

Okay. Well, hey, Allison,

you knew, we'd love to have you work

here if you ever wanted to.

All of our employees

are political refugees, just like you!

There's Hannah over here.

She's from El Salvador. She's a really

useful member of our team.

Useful as what?

A coat hanger?

- Come on.

- Allison, that's not funny

Okay. I tell you what,

get back to work, Captain Hook!

-Captain Hook. It's funny.

- No, it's not funny.

Who's that?

Oh, this is Joteph.

He's from a Sudanese tribe

that has no concept of money.

His entire village

was ransacked.

Hey, Sub-Saharan!

Do you think you could get me 100

child soldiers here by 5:00 p.m,?

No!

Okay. Time out! Time out.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Shave your under-the-arms!

I dread to think what kind of jungle

you have on your malawachl

That is very inappropriate.

Don't tell me what

to say and what not to say, little boy

You need to put

that finger away,

I won't put my

finger away because

Look, I've got

two fingers now.

Okay.

If you do not slop using hateful

language, you cannot work here.

All right. I promise.

Okay.

I tricked you,

Wolverine,

Justin Bieber's

chubby double!

Hairy Potter!

Good-bye, old friend.

When will the Supreme

Leader be better?

In lime,

He's resting in his bedroom

and must never, ever be disturbed.

Time for bed.

Being Aladeen has its perks,

does it not?

Dropped your bell.

What are you doing?

She tried to milk me!

No,

They are trying

to pleasure you.

Allow the girls to use

their many talents.

No!

Supreme Leader!

The girls!

Girls, show him

your bosoms.

Let me in! I have

It's me, Admiral

General Aladeen!

I lost my beard!

You don't got a pass,

you don't get in.

But I'm staying here! I paid twenty

dollars for the f***ing Internet!

How much do you charge

for assassinations?

Why is this

happening to me?

All I ever did was

steal my country's wealth

and execute anybody

who did not agree with me,

and many who did,

Why me?

Why is it always

the good guys? Why'?

Nadal?

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