The Dictator Page #6

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Everybody knows about this.

We all know about this

from the age of 12, 13.

Why does nobody

ever tell me anything?

Because you have everybody executed

who tells you anything.

Listen, I'm thinking of

revealing my true identity

to the hairy titted ape woman,

Whoa! No, what?

Why would you even do that?

I think she'll be

cool with it.

She will not be cool with it.

How is she to judge?

She shaves her armpits once a year,

and she takes lovers

outside of her ethnic group.

Are my crimes any worse

than hers?

Remember, you hate her.

And everything

she stands for.

- Okay.

- I have to go now.

I despise you.

You know, sometimes you say

some very hurtful things.

Anyway, I'm going to

hang up on you.

No, come on. This is

like a real opportunity for me

I want to hang up first.

I've hung up.

I hung up already,

That is your voice

doing that noise. You have not hung up,

lam hanging up. Click...

Nadal, are you still there?

- Nadal, are you still there?

- I win.

No wonder you're a Mac Genius.

What a f***ing idiot.

Zoey!

Zoey!

Zoe?

Zoey?

Elra.

Etra,..

Etra, is this because

you're the only virgin guard

that I left a virgin?

One, two...

Bloop.

Text book.

Thank you so much

for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden.

I cannot wait for you

to sample our mafroom.

You are gonna swear

that you're in Wadiya.

Excuse me.

What is that over there?

That is a "C"

in your window.

No, no, no... They're totally

biased against this. They hate us.

No, it's not.

I know what a "C" means.

It's not a very good

Oh. my God!

Allison, what happened'?

I don't know, I...

I was downstairs

self juicing.

All night?

Yes,

I'm sorry,

you were doing what?

Doing the jerk ofi.

Jerking myself to totally off.

- I'm sorry?

- Let me show you.

- No.

- She taught me,

Oh, she taught you, did she?

- No...

- Well, thank you very much,

The contract is canceled

- That's it!

- No.

No, I'm going to Green World.

It's over.

- No, Mr. Ogden.

- Remember, I have to pay that

- Please, no, no.

- Self juicing. Filth!

Oh, my God...

Zoe?'

We must gel

that contract back,

We can't!

It's impossible.

We can't compete with Green World,

We will see about that,

But from now on,

it is my way

or the highwahahlmaa-

fferrohshelechnichway.

There has been

a regime change!

Yo! You are

stocking the shelves.

You, senile

Romanian accountant.

You are on

the cash register,

The CEO of Green Wand

does not drive a hybrid!

The chemicals

in Green World produce

made this boy

grow tits!

You promise not

to steal again?

I won't. I won't!

Give him one more

for fun, Viktor.

Good choice,

Hi, Viktor.

Supreme Grocer.

The radicchio

has been washed and sorted,

and the spray hose

has been tightly coiled,

Very good. Now go upstairs

and finish composting

the wheatgrass tailings, okay'?

Yes, Supreme Grocer.

Zoey!

What? Look

Wow!

It's amazing!

Oh, it's not amazing.

It's just a little less sh*t.

Well, thank you.

- Sorry.

- Oh, of course.

- Personal.

- Thank you. Thank you again,

- Hello?

- I have some very good news.

What is if?

I managed to buy some beards at the

wig store today that are perfect

No, Nadal,

it must be real hair.

- And from the head of a great man!

- What?

Like Castro or Gandalfi

No...

Well done, Nadal.

This beard is perfect.

Those are lovely owers.

You know, Zoey is

thinking of opening

an eco-friendly

flower section to the store,

This is the fifth time you've mentioned

her today, What is going on?

The signing

is in two days,

Tell me you're not

falling for this woman!

Of course I'm not.

This is silly.

Okay, good- All we need to do

is slip into this chapel...

And yet, it's strange.

The other day,

I asked her to, you know,

gobble on my bilbul

and she said, "No."

So obviously

I wanted to execute her,

But the thought of

her decapitated head actually upset me,

-so I decided not to do it,

- No.

When the thought of someone's

decapitated head upsets you,

that is love.

- I swear, I don't even like her at all,

- You don't like hen'?

She has the body shape

of a 14-year-old boy.

Well, that is

a particular weakness of yours,

Need I remind you of

the Menudo incident?

Those boys had

their eyes open.

They knew exactly

what they were doing,

We made them

have their eyes open,

You made me hold

one of their eyes open,

so they'd see what

you were doing to them,

They seemed to be having

a pretty good time-.

They were not.

Those boys were crying,

Three of them

killed themselves!

Nothing to do with me,

Everything to do with you!

A lot of them wrote notes.

In their suicide notes

they named you by name!

It's all a rumor.

And you're being silly.

Hello, gentlemen,

How you doin?

Are you guys

friends of the deceased?

How do I put this'?

He was my n*gger,

No, that's not

the way to put it,

- Whoa, whoa!

- No?

He was my negger

N*gger. Nagger?

- No, no, no.

- What is that?

- Negar. N*gger? Nagun'?

- No, no.

Please stop. Please.

I told you,

before we came in.

One word, do not say.

ls the exact word you're using now.

- No, I said Nuga...

- One dozen times,

Please relate to him that there could be

two funerals today.

I... Believe me

when I tell you,

we are here only

to pay our respects to a great man.

Okay, Eldridge's casket

is laying in the chapel right now.

We're gonna have the

viewing in a few minutes,

Thank you very much,

I love your music,

by the way.

No, it's not.

He's not a musician.

I'm so, so sorry that

Whitney tumed out like she did,

- It's not Bobby Brown

- Hey...

- Go there.

- Okay, Here we go.

Hello?

Somebody in here?

Nada]!

The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!

- What'? Okay, okay, okay!

- Hurry, hurry!

- Just a moment!

- What you doin' in there?

Jerking off.

Open this door!

- No, no, no!

- Open the door now!

Quick! Plan B! Plan B!

Why did you

chop off his head?

You said Plan B!

Plan B was to have

coffee and regroup,

it was not to

chop his head off!

Good morning, Nadall

Wake up!

Good morning, Nadal!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Get this away from me!

You know, me and you

are quite a team.

No, no.

You know who else

makes a great team?

Ebony and ivory

No, no, no!

Live together

in perfect harmony

What is wrong with you'?

Get it out of here!

Good one,

Splish splash

I was taking a bath!

No! Get it out of here!

Oh, that is weird.

I threw in some carob-covered goji

berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.

Thank you. That's very kind of

you. You're a very nice man,

What the f***

did you call me?

I said you were nice!

Allison! The Lancasterjust

called! We got the contract back!

- Great! Whatever!

- I know!

Green World is shutting down

their Manhattan store!

I wonder what

could have happened?

Be careful with that,

sweetheart. Be careful.

Oh, yeah, we're going to

have a nice ig salad.

Celebratory cuddle?

Well done!

- You smell bad.

- I know.

Help!

Somebody help!

My wife is in labor!

Oh, my God!

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