The Disaster Artist Page #4

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Have you, uh, looked

at yourself?

Yeah, I see myself.

This is, no offense,

you have a malevolent

uh, presence.

You are a perfect villain.

I'm not scary guy.

I could see you as

Dracula, Frankenstein.

I'm not Frankenstein!

I'm trying to give

you a shortcut

to success.

Keep your shortcut

in your pocket.

Have you read any

Shakespeare?

I know all Shakespeare.

Well, The Tempest?

No.

You're Caliban.

Yeah? What he do?

He hero?

No, he's the ogre that

guards the island.

What's this "ogre"?

Ogre.

I am hero.

And you all

are villain.

Yeah, you laugh.

"Ha ha ha."

You know what?

That what villain do.

Okay.

Ha ha ha ha.

Dude, it's been a f***in' year.

You know what I mean? Like...

I did this uh, this HBO thing

where I'm like the second lead.

Things been going crazy.

Yeah, I know it seems that way.

This where sh*t f***in'...

Yeah, I know, you're gonna

take off after this.

This is like, you're goin', man.

I'm ha-I'm hap-you know

I'm happy for you, man.

What about you, though?

I've been-

I've been good, man.

You been workin'?

Yeah, I don't know, my

agents are saying it's

like kinda a slow season

or whatever, but...

No, there's never a slow season.

It's always sh*t workin'.

Do you like

call your agents everyday?

-Yeah, I mean...

-Where you start?

Fire that f***in'

spooky friend of yours.

That f***in' vampire-lookin'

motherf***er.

-It's like...

-Tommy?

Who is-who is he?

He's just-I don't know,

he's a friend.

-He's my roommate.

-'Cause he's f***in'...

You can't go anywhere

with that dude.

Hollywood's p*ssy dries up

when you walk in with this dude.

I... I... I...

They just f***in' clamp

shut like a f***in'...

Hollywood puts on a

f***in' chastity belt.

Did you see the

new, uh, Star Wars?

No, I heard it was incredible.

Unwatchable.

You want another drink?

-Hmm.

-Okay.

I kinda wondered about

the Jar Jar Binks thing.

It's pretty thin.

And you know,

I don't know.

It doesn't really

get you that far.

It's like too much action,

like it never stops.

There's no story,

and it makes me pass out.

A couple of friends of mine

went and saw it recently.

Hi.

You big Hollywood

producer, right?

I see-I see you on TV.

Yeah, I'm Hoyer.

Nice to see you.

Tommy Wiseau.

Hi.

Nice to meet you, thank you.

Hi, young lady.

I don't wanna bullshit.

I don't wanna do none

of the bullshit.

I'm very talented.

And I have many good idea.

We're having dinner.

Okay, you don't walk up

to people's table and do this.

That's not how it works

in this business, okay?

What way? Tell me, I do it.

You can call my agency,

United Talent.

Send your resume to

United Talent Agency,

to David Kramer.

-That's how you--

-I show you that.

Okay?

To be!

Or not to be!

That is the question.

Whether nobler in mind!

To suffer sling and arrow!

Sir, I'm gonna need to

ask you to stop that.

Is this gentleman bothering you?

What the f*** do you think?

You don't like Shakespeare?

Sir, I need you to leave.

Wha-?

Okay, I do the Tennessee William

I don't want Tennessee Williams,

I don't want Shakespeare.

Stella!

Okay, now, we're

gonna--security!

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

-Security! No.

Sir, I'm gonna need you to leave.

Right now.

Come here.

Tommy?

Just because you want it

doesn't mean it can happen.

Okay?

It's one in a million, even

if you have Brando's talent.

It's not gonna happen for you.

Okay?

-But now, you have to go

-Well, maybe I...

Maybe...

I'm not saying maybe.

I'm saying not in

a million years.

But after that?

And not after.

I'm sorry.

I accept your apology.

Sorry.

Sorry, sir.

Is everything okay now?

Yeah, thanks for rushing over.

He made it through two

f***in' acts of Shakespeare.

Tommy?

Tommy.

Tommy.

Tommy, you okay?

You think I'm villain?

What?

This town, Greg.

They don't want me.

They don't understand me.

Maybe I don't have what it take.

Yeah, man,

I know what you mean.

-You do?

-Yeah.

My agent won't return

my calls, and...

all I hear is no

all day, every day, it's...

it's f***in' hard, man.

Nobody like me, Greg.

Nobody give me chance.

My whole life.

But hey, w-we can't give up, right?

I...

Maybe not worth it, Greg.

No, hey, Tommy, look at me.

Look at me.

When they told James Dean

he wasn't good enough,

did he listen to 'em?

-No.

-No.

No, f*** that.

All right, he kept fighting.

H-he showed them all. And...

that's what we're gonna do.

Remember?

All right, we said we were

gonna push each other.

Never give up on our dreams, right?

Come on.

I just don't know how, Greg.

I wish we could just

make our own movie.

That great idea.

It'll be great drama.

Like the Tennessee Williams.

So, there's this guy, Johnny.

A true American hero.

To be played by me.

He has it all.

Good look, good job,

many friends.

Greg?

How long is movie script?

And then this girl,

this beautiful girl...

she betray him.

But then, this Lisa

sleep with best friend.

We call best friend "Mark."

After Mark Damon from

"Talented Ripley Man."

And then this guy, Johnny,

he go crazy!

He decide to kill himself

in front of the world.

And then he show them all.

Ha ha ha.

That's great.

And also, maybe

Johnny is vampire.

We'll see.

Anything for my princess.

After everything

he do for everybody,

why would they do this to him?

My mind!

Can't think.

She was nice but real proud.

She was nice but real proud.

But it's real life.

People act so

strange these days.

Aaah!

You finished?

It's my masterpiece.

Greatest drama since the

Tennessee Williams.

"The Room."

"The Room."

Nobody read it yet.

So today, you be first one.

Yeah, all right.

So read it.

Oh, you want me to

read it right now?

Yeah, what you think?

Okay. The Room.

I'll do anything for my girl.

You should marry Johnny.

Did you know that

chocolate is the symbol of love?

We can't do this anymore.

I keep thinking about your

strong hands round my body.

Anyway, how's your sex life?

I don't think she's

faithful to me.

Life gets complicated.

The unexpected happens.

In a few minutes, b*tch.

A lot of people

loved each other.

The world will be a

better place to live.

Done.

What you think?

I mean, it's great. That's...

I just-I can't-I can't believe it, man.

You-you did this!

And of course, you play Mark.

What? You want-you want me

to play Mark in this?

Hey, big role. Second lead.

Yeah, it's a huge role.

Are you-are you sure?

Well, you don't

wanna do it, fine.

Maybe Johnny Dapp available.

No, no, no, no. I want it!

I-I want the role. I'll take it.

It's like you said,

Hollywood reject us

then we do it on our own.

Wait, y-you have the

money to make this?

I have. Is no problem.

You're really gonna

make this thing?

No, Greg.

We are going to do it.

Together.

Awoo!

Aw-awooo!

And we're gonna have

everything you need.

We have a vast

assortment of lenses.

We've got cameras,

both digital and film.

Here's our facility owner.

Hey, Bill!

Come on over and meet

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