The Dukes of Hazzard Page #5

that money at Prickett...

...unless you thought he was

gonna earn you 10 times that.

You're a smart man.

So why don't you do the smart thing.

Why don't you take your family

and leave.

Because, see, now I own that farm.

And you ain't never gonna get it back.

I have all the cards, Jesse.

You don't have spit.

It ain't over yet.

Hey, Bo, I love your car.

She really rumbles.

It's actually a he. Right, Katie?

I ain't even speeding.

You know how fast you were going?

- What?

- How fast you were going.

- I don't know. Ten?

- Eight.

- Isn't the speed limit 10?

- Yeah. It is.

You guys police?

Campus police.

Mother of God.

Oh, wait.

I know it's a shame to hide your beauty

like this, but it's for your own good.

What?

I'm not even gonna respond to that.

That's crazy.

I know, I'll miss you too.

I'll be right back.

All right, let's go. Let's go.

Katie-Lynn seems like a girl you could

settle down with, don't you think, Luke?

- Yeah.

- I don't know, fellas.

I don't think they're gonna

let us walk in.

You'll think of something, Katie.

You always do. Remember that..?

Oh, you're so pretty.

I have an idea.

- Can I help you?

- You're just the guy we're looking for...

- Royce.

- Royce..?

- Royce Williams.

- Royce Williams, maybe you can help us.

We're here looking for the brightest

young geologists for high-paying jobs.

Maybe you've been by our booth.

- You're from Kamasaka Technologies?

- That's right.

I'm Mr. Ichinowa,

and this is my colleague...

...Yoko Takanoshi.

Right on.

You said you were Japanese?

We converted.

Your professor tells us you're some

kind of super-genius or something.

- Really? On my last test I got a C-minus.

- Hey, that's good.

- That's real good.

- You think..?

You just might be

Kamasaka Tech material.

You just gotta pass this one little test.

You just tell us what this is right here.

Looks like a core sample.

- Man, that's good.

- He's good.

- Core sample of what?

- Oh, of course.

- What are you doing?

- What?

- What the f*** was that?

- Relax.

Damn! Damn!

These are my good Levi's.

Let's not lose focus here, Royce.

Yes, sir, Mr. Takanoshi.

- What'd you call me?

- Mr. Takanoshi?

Right. That's my name.

- Thought it might be drugs or something.

- I think I know what it is.

Are you really with

Kamasaka Technologies?

Damn it, we are high-powered

Japanese executives.

We work hard,

and we play even harder.

Now, tell us what you see there...

...or we'll go find another candidate

at Georgia Polytech.

It's anthracite.

- Coal.

- Coal in Hazzard?

- What's the street value of this?

- This much? Nothing.

A good-sized mine? Could be millions.

Can you show us what

a good-sized mine looks like?

Yeah.

Here's what it used to look like.

And this is the after.

Damn.

- Hogg's gonna do this to Hazzard?

- The hell he is.

Mr. Kamasaka? We have to go.

The plane is leaving.

Congratulations, Royce. You got the job.

How does 24,000 yen a year sound?

Sounds like 40 bucks.

Way to go.

All right, man. See you in Beijing.

- You see two guys come through here?

- You mean those two Japanese guys?

Get me Atlanta P.D. Damn.

Strip-mining?

Why, that slimy bastard.

Here's another little nugget.

Hogg has been paying

that kid Prickett a lot of money...

...to race here Saturday.

- He's paying him?

Y'all better get your asses back here

quick as you can, got it?

Ten-four, Shepherd,

this is Lost Sheep out.

What's this? What's these crackers

doing in our place?

Turns out Prickett came back because

Hogg paid him a assload of cash.

Don't mean Billy has anything

to do with strip-mining.

You got to be kidding me.

Oh, sh*t. Roll them up.

- What the hell is this, man?

- Looks like somebody's lost.

Look, a couple of white boys playing

black. Is that's what's going on?

Actually, we were at the geology lab

for some environmental stuff, and...

No, I get it. They on one of these

reality shows.

- Who Wanna Get They Ass Kicked?

- Yeah.

Why don't you two hillbillies

join us up here for a minute?

Actually, we prefer

Appalachian-Americans.

Man, get out the car!

Now, which one of you two

brothers is Michelangelo?

There's a certain creek that people

sometimes canoe up without a paddle.

You could say that the Duke boys

were on that particular creek right now.

Let's kick they ass, Jerry!

Never thought I'd say this,

but, hot damn, it's the cops.

There goes the canoe.

- Give me your shoelaces.

- What?

These guys over there gave me theirs.

See, I'm gonna fashion myself a lasso.

When the jailer comes in,

I'm gonna rope his keys.

Luke and Bo Duke are home free.

Period, end of story.

I got on cowboy boots, cuz.

I like your style.

You gonna need those shoelaces?

We gonna have to get out of here.

Hey, Yul Brynner. We gotta make

a phone call. We gotta call our lawyer.

What the hell are we in here for?

Well, where should I start?

We know you're gonna

strip-mine Hazzard.

Do you, now? Well, that's good.

Guess where I'm gonna sink

that first drill.

Right down in the middle

of your bedroom.

Y'all do still share a bunk bed, right?

Hey, that's a phat suit there.

What, you some type of pimp?

What has strip-mining got to do with you

paying Billy Prickett to race tomorrow?

You like magic, Luke? Sleight of hand?

See, while you're looking over here,

something's really happening over here.

You see, despite the fact

that I now own your beloved farm...

...I can't legally mine it,

because the county won't let me.

I need to hold a public hearing,

you know...

...to give the citizens of Hazzard

a chance to object.

And let me guess, you're going to hold

the hearing during the rally tomorrow?

And if nobody knows about the hearing,

there won't be anyone there to object.

- There you go.

- Sleight of hand.

- Sleight of hand.

- Grow the fingernails out.

Then pop some fingernail polish

on them b*tches.

- Is Billy Prickett in on it?

- Prickett?

- Prickett's just collecting a paycheck.

- We ain't gonna let you get away with it.

Really? Tomorrow, if you happen to be

strolling by the courthouse about noon...

...you might wanna rush right in there

and voice your objections.

Voice this.

Dadgum it. I just remembered.

Tomorrow morning

you're going to the Georgia work farm.

And I hear they have a rather

strict policy on weekend passes.

Yo, B. You need to pop

a feather in that hat, yo.

Then your man ho's will be having

more respect for you.

I have $ 100 right here...

...for whoever knocks

that loudmouth son of a b*tch out.

Thank you.

Now, break some rocks for me, boys.

Take care, now, you hear?

Bye-bye.

Don't you know you're not supposed

to wear white after Labor Day?

All right, here's what we're gonna do.

When we stop for gas, we call up Cooter

and tell him to put a pig in the road, right.

Then when the cops are moving the pig,

Cooter hooks up a cable to the bumper.

Car drives away,

the hook will pull out the whole chassis.

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