The Dukes of Hazzard Page #7

Look at the bright side, Bo-Bo. At least

you didn't have to race me today.

Because I would've left that little Tonka

toy you drive at the starting stripe.

- Tonka.

- I'm gonna kill him.

Hey, hey, hey!

- What about Uncle Jesse?

- Wanna ride this stag?

- You wanna rodeo with this clown?

- Uncle Jesse's old, Luke.

He's had a good run.

Besides, if he passes, God have mercy

on his soul, we get the farm.

I'm just playing with you, man.

Let's go get him.

They're here.

Cooter, you ready out there?

You get Rosco out of there,

Daisy and I'll take care of the rest.

What do you say we smoke

the varmint out of his hole?

Hey, Rosco, come on out,

you fat son of a b*tch!

- Cletus, get your butt out there.

- Thank you, Rosco.

- Let me know if you're gonna puke!

- Oh, you'll know first!

All right, boys! Y'all come on

out of there with your hands up.

- Hey, Rosco!

- Hi, Boo-Boo.

I didn't know we had so many pigs

on the farm.

- I call this "painting the fence. "

- I think you missed a spot.

Look out, look out!

- You gonna get us out of here?

- I'm working on it!

Man, they're hauling ass, pick it up!

- You gonna make that?

- I'm planning on it.

Hold on, Luke.

I'll go in this direction now!

All right, Jesse. I'm arresting those...

Jesse? Jesse?

Courthouse.

Attention!

Attention, good people of Hazzard!

Life as we know it is about to end.

As we speak, dark forces are conspiring

to strip-mine our land.

Follow me to the courthouse,

and we'll save you!

Yeah, right, Sheev. Last year

the CIA was brainwashing our cows.

Get a job, man.

Hey, Sheev. Sheev.

- Go back to your spaceship.

- I'm serious. Come on!

Bye, Sheev.

It might be good

if you helped out here.

- Hell, move over, I'll drive.

- No way.

I'm still hoping to survive this thing.

Goddamn it. Son of a b*tch.

I like the way you think, cuz.

Yeah, boy!

Hold on.

Lost Sheep, Lost Sheep,

are you out there?

Go for Lost Sheep.

- Free and clear.

- Good.

Sheev's making sure everyone

goes to the hearing.

- I'll see you in town.

- Over and out.

Let's get the hell out of here.

- Barn door, coming up.

- Yeah, I see it. Hold on!

The General!

Let's head to the courthouse!

End of the World to Lost Sheep,

End of the World to Lost Sheep.

- Come in, Lost Sheep.

- What do you got?

- Everybody headed into town?

- That's a negative.

Repeat, that's a negative.

No one listened.

They threw hot dogs at us.

- Did you tell them about the strip mine?

- Of course I did.

Were you wearing a armadillo helmet

when you told them about it?

No.

Okay, Lost Sheep out.

No one's heading in to town?

If we don't get to that courthouse

by noon, there ain't gonna be no town.

- Well, we still got time for Plan B.

- I like Plan B.

- Plan B.

- Plan B.

When you're flying by the seat

of your pants...

... nothing sounds more official

than a Plan B.

Don't worry, cuz,

I'll get them to the courthouse.

This emergency hearing

is now in session.

Rosco, where is everybody?

I'm here.

Well, we have until noon.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls...

...it's my honor today

to introduce my friend...

...and the friend of everybody in the

greatest state of the United States...

...the governor, James T. Applewhite!

Thank you. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...welcome to the

Drivers, start your engines!

Just have a couple pia coladas

waiting for me at the finish line, Dil.

Here comes the heat.

There they go.

Come on, come on, come on.

He's in the race!

It has been confirmed that the

orange car that entered the race...

...is in fact the same car

that tore up Atlanta this morning.

It seems that the "orange-car fugitives"

are from right here in Hazzard County.

State and local authorities

are trying to subdue the vehicle...

...known as the General Lee.

Well, General-Lee speaking, I'd say those

cops are in for a pretty tough time.

I'm Rick Shakely.

Back to you, Marty.

This is Boss Hogg.

The Dukes are on the course.

I want all available vehicles to shut down

the road to the courthouse!

- We're gonna need to clear a path.

- You got it.

Hey, Dil, what's the word

on those Cline Dion tickets?

Well, of course I wanna go backstage.

Don't be dumb.

Damn.

Enos. I want you

down to the courthouse. I...

Someone moved my car.

Enos, you dipstick,

did somebody move my car?

Hell, let's just sack up

and shoot the bastard.

Holy sh*t!

Luke, where the hell are you?

- Good God almighty.

- It's about time!

- How's the race going?

- How's it look like it's going?

Why, you dirty son of a b*tch.

Hey, go easy on that.

For what I'm getting ready to do,

I don't wanna remember a lot of it.

You know why tornadoes and blonds...

...are so much alike?

- No.

At first, there's a lot of sucking

and blowing, and then you lose your house.

Know what you get when you cross

a donkey with an onion?

- No.

- You get a piece of ass...

...that'll bring a tear to your eye.

You thinking about throwing it?

Oh, I'll throw it.

I was thinking about p*ssy.

You know why divorces

are so expensive?

- No.

- Because they're worth it.

Fire in the hole.

Hey, Bo, take it home.

The coast is clear.

Here we go again.

Okay, I'm gonna get those cops

to follow me.

When I do, tow those cruisers

out of the way.

Can do.

Excuse me, officers.

My car broke down up the street there...

...and I was wondering

if y'all could help me out.

Why, yes, ma'am.

We'll be happy to.

- Oh, you're sweet.

- Let's go.

Halt! Tough sh*t, honey.

You go fix your own car.

Ain't no one going anywhere.

What the hell are you doing?

Come on, General.

Hey, Dil, we got a late arrival!

Hey, Billy!

You're gonna pay for that, Bo-Bo.

I've had just about enough of you.

Here they come.

Of course I can feel him on my left!

Of course I can!

- Where is he getting this from?

- Hey, Billy!

He's playing with me!

- Come on.

- The General Lee has won the race.

I want him tested for steroids!

But Billy Prickett and the General Lee

haven't had quite enough driving.

They're still going.

- Come on, y'all!

- We'll interview these guys...

...if we have to chase after

them ourselves. Tito, start the van.

Better luck next time, Hogg.

Let's go, baby.

Don't go home, really.

This is Boss Hogg.

That road better be shut down

tighter than a tick's ass.

Ten-four. Barricade's in place.

Rosco, is anyone coming?

- What, I ain't good enough for you?

- No comment.

Don't write that down.

Don't write that down.

- Are they coming?

- Oh, yeah, they're coming.

We got the whole town headed

to the courthouse.

- Daisy, we all clear?

- Not exactly.

"Not exactly" could be a problem.

Bo? I think we're gonna have

to shoot the moon.

- What the hell are you doing, Cooter?

- Sorry, officer.

I heard a pretty lady needed a tow.

- Cooter.

- I can't hear you.

Cooter, what the hell are you doing?

Hey, Billy!

You think I was born

yesterday, Bo-Bo?

Oh, sh*t!

Holy sh*t.

Luke, I made it, but I don't know

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